


Throw Me (A Helping Hand)

by Quarra, RemingtonFae



Category: Captain America (Movies), Daredevil (TV), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Humor, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon-Typical Violence, Captain America Reverse Big Bang 2018, Character Driven Story, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Eating Disorders, Explicit Sexual Content, First Kiss, Friendship, Gen, Get Help Loki!, Internalized Homophobia, Loki is a magnificant bastard, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Pining, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Thor: The Dark World, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redemption, Some Action, They try to out troll each other, Troll Bucky Barnes, Troll Loki (Marvel), Vomiting, ill advised drunken video tapes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 04:34:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 69,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14927231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quarra/pseuds/Quarra, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemingtonFae/pseuds/RemingtonFae
Summary: “Ok. Fuck. Here’s the plan.” Barnes casually stood up and leaned over to wrap an arm around Loki, careful to keep his back to those voices.“What are you---” Loki looked at Barnes in confusion, and pressed back a little, pushing him away.“You can illusion yourself, right? You should do that. And then I’ll throw you at them as a distraction.” Barnes tugged Loki closer and fought down the panic that clawed up his back.“What?!No! No, I do not like this plan. I object. Strenuously,” Loki babbled at him, and put a little more effort into shoving Barnes away.Steve was right behind them. Right there. Within reach.Barnes couldn’t deal with that.Could.Not.“It’s a great plan. Guaranteed to work. They won’t know it’s you, and I’ll be gone by the time they look up.” With his left arm secure in its grip on Loki’s shoulder, Barnes grabbed Loki’s belt with his right. “Better get ready.”“Barnes.Barnes!”--Or, where Loki is an absolute troll for the Powers of Mostly-Sometimes-Good, Bucky is having the worst century ever, and everything still manages to turn out mostly okay.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author: Quarra  
> Artist: RemingtonFae
> 
> From the Author: A massive thanks to my wonderful artist, [RemingtonFae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemingtonFae/works), for creating such adorable dolls and helping me come up with this ridiculous story. Your endless faith in me was both incredibly kind and often baffling. Also, _this was supposed to be a short fic, Remi. SHORT. SHOOOOORRRRT._
> 
> Many thanks to RemingtonFae, [antigrav_vector](https://archiveofourown.org/users/antigrav_vector/pseuds/antigrav_vector), and [xantissa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xantissa/pseuds/xantissa) for helping me with beta reading. Your thoughtful proofreading and encouraging comments kept me going.
> 
> ALSO!
> 
> This fic will be posting several chapters a day, every day, until posting is finished on 6/16. So. Yay?

_I didn’t do it for him._

Loki twisted his mouth into a bitter smile, safely unseen under the illusion of a palace guard. True words spoken in desperation. They felt true at the time anyways, but Loki had to wonder who exactly he _had_ done it for.

For Thor?

For himself?

If he was honest, which happened more often than people thought, Loki was certain he was going to die on that barren rock. He also was certain that he did not want Thor there while he slowly bled to death in the dirt. The sooner Thor got on with things, the better off he would be, him and Jane both. Besides, Loki deserved to die alone. 

But then the Asgardians had shown up and suddenly death wasn’t quite so imminent. A simple illusion got him hustled off for healing and he was back in Asgard again. This time, no one knew he was alive. 

For the first time, he was a free agent. No family or warlord behind him hovering. No realm or masters to consider. It was actually quite liberating.

There was a moment where he considered sneaking up to Odin while he was grieving and alone, spelling him to sleep, and then taking his place. The throne was right there. Waiting. Ripe for the taking.

While that was tempting, Loki knew it would be a fleeting pleasure. Lies like that never lasted. Not only that, but it would put him right in the middle of all the things he was just relishing being free from. 

For one moment, he was overwhelmingly tired. Bone deep exhaustion filled him and in a petty burst of rage he thought, _To hell with them. All of them._

So he stayed in the shadows, recovered his strength, and waited. Waited to see if Thor would win the day and save them all. Again.

It was no great surprise to hear that Thor had succeeded. After all, it was what his brother was good at. When Thor came to share the news with Odin, Loki hid among the palace guards again and watched. 

A little twist of magic brought their words to his ears. The spell was simple, something he’d mastered as a child. His mother had been so proud.

Frigga.

It was funny how even as he repudiated Odin as his father and Thor as his brother, he could not quite bring himself to consider Frigga as anything other than his mother. She never gave up on him. 

Foulness threatened to engulf him, a miasma of hate, self-loathing, and grief. He swallowed it back down and shoved it aside. It didn’t matter how he felt. The only person who'd ever truly cared about him was dead and all the sorrow in the world wouldn’t bring her back. Nor would it change all the things he’d done.

He pulled his focus back to the conversation.

“Loki, for all his grave imbalance, understood rule as I know I never will. The brutality. The sacrifice… It changes you.” Thor paused and ducked his head for a moment. From where Loki was standing, he could only see Thor’s back. He found himself wondering what expression his brother’s face held. Anger? Or maybe pity? “I’d rather be a good man than a great king.”

That was so quintessentially something that Thor would say that Loki almost laughed. The new Thor, anyways. Not the narrow minded bully he grew up with, but the humbler, wiser warrior that Midgard had forged him into. He wondered at the kindness of those words, too. Such praise, backhanded though it was, still made Loki want to preen. 

Self-loathing and bitter, vicious anger filled him again. How easy it was to win him over. Just a few kind words. Some acknowledgement, perhaps, of the dangerous skill he wielded. 

Loki sighed, easing the air out between gritted teeth. He counted backwards from five and tried to fish himself out of the pit of blackness inside of him. 

The conversation. Focus.

From this vantage point, Loki could see Odin’s face with perfect clarity. The All-Father, however, was a master at projecting only exactly which emotions he wanted. Loki found he didn’t actually want to hear what his fa---

No. Not his father. Just an old scheming man. Someone for whom family was just another tool to use. It did not matter to him what a grieving old man had to say about him. Loki was dead to them all anyways. 

He turned quietly and made his way out of the hall. Time to leave this place.

\--

There were secret ways out of Asgard, it was true, but sometimes hiding in plain sight was the best option. It was with that in mind that Loki found himself heading towards Heimdall and the newly rebuilt Bifrost. Weaving his subtle magics, he first hid Thor from Heimdall’s eyes and then cast an illusion on himself to look like his brother.

Logic told him this was the easiest way to get off realm. Sure, it would tip them off later that he was alive, once the real Thor came to leave as well, but by that time Loki would be long gone. 

But there was a heaviness in his heart that told him it wasn’t only logic that brought him to speak to Heimdall. Maybe it was because of everyone in Asgard, Heimdall was one who saw all and spoke little. Maybe it was because he had been known to occasionally see the future as well as the distant stars. 

Maybe Loki just wanted to talk to someone. 

All these things pressed on Loki’s weary mind as he approached Bifrost. 

“Greetings, Son of Odin.” Grave as ever, Heimdall’s gaze never wavered from the vast universe that he stared at.

“Heimdall,” Loki said, pitching his voice to imitate a battle weary, grieving Thor. He walked closer to stand side by side with Heimdall, and gazed out into the universe with him. “Loki is dead.”

Heimdall nodded. Of course he already knew, but Thor would wish to spread the word himself. Or so Loki fancied. “I saw. He died as a warrior should, with honor and protecting those around him.”

Loki’s heart sank, suddenly as despondent as he was just pretending to be. The all seeing eye of the throne. Could not even his death be private?

“You know, I think I did your brother a grave disservice.” Heimdall said, startling Loki out of his thoughts.

“How do you mean?” It hurt to keep the words earnest, as Thor would ask. He wanted to bite them out, show that bitterness that had long poisoned him inside.

“I knew Loki was… Different. When the All-Father brought him here as a babe, I watched and held the way open for him. Odin didn’t want Loki to feel any different though, so it was to be a secret. I obeyed, as a loyal servant should. But.” Heimdall bowed his head for a moment. “But I saw how he was treated. How he never quite fit the mould for an Asgardian warrior, and was shunned for it. At the time, I convinced myself that it would make him a stronger person.” Heimdall turned to look at him, and the sorrow in his gaze left Loki hurt and confused. “But I was wrong.”

Loki forced himself to blink. “What. What do you mean?”

“It is my duty to be loyal to what the All-Father commands, that is true. But I should have made this place a haven for your brother. Not all warriors fight with swords, and none should be scorned for their strengths. Even when those strengths seem like weaknesses to others. I am sorry, for whatever part I played, or didn’t play, in your brother’s unhappy fate.”

Tears threatened his eyes and Loki shook his head, suddenly angry. “No. Loki was. None of us could have known. No matter how noble his end, Loki had long since lost any chance of redemption.” 

“Perhaps you are right. But perhaps it is as much our fault for ignoring him as it is his for letting himself fall into that fate.” 

Damn him. Damn Heimdall and his kind words. How dare he say such things, now that it was far too late.

Loki didn’t know what to say in return. His eyes burned and his lungs hurt. He crossed his arms over his chest and fought it all back. Tried to keep a stoic face on. What would life had been like if he’d had a second person who encouraged him and believed in him? 

_A third person_ , he admitted to himself. Because as dismissive as Thor always was, as foolish and headstrong and arrogant, too, Thor believed in him. More than anyone but Frigga. That, too, was painful, because Thor laughed right along with everyone else when Loki was mocked. Like it was all some big joke. Like everyone else was right, all along.

“It’s better that he’s gone,” Loki said finally. Heimdall tilted his head oddly and _looked_ at him, but Loki wasn’t paying much attention. The aching cold inside of him was eating everything up, every emotion and care he could have had. He wished it would all burn. Or freeze. He was a frost giant, wasn’t he? Everything should just freeze. “All the damage he did, and I truly think that he believed he was doing what was best for the realm. When he was king here. And after…” Loki swallowed a shiver that ran up his spine. “After that, well. Who is to say what horrors he met at the Other’s hand.”

“Who is to say, indeed,” Heimdall said quietly. Loki ignored him.

“But now Mother is gone. For centuries, Loki was a prince. Scorned, surely, but loyal and stalwart. It only took a few short months, barely a handful of seasons, to turn every hand against him. To justify everything that everyone thought all along. Loki the Mad. Loki the Traitor. He was never Aesir, and the people here would have never accepted him. At least he could die with honor.” The words flowed like rancid wine from a cracked barrel, and Loki was unable to stop them. How could he, when they were true? Here under and illusion, he could speak honestly and be listened to, where as if these words were said in his own skin he would be ignored. Loki Silvertongue always lies, after all. 

“Who is to say what the future will hold,” Heimdal said softly. “Or how any of us will be judged when our story is told? Things that seem grim now may yet be told in a new light.”

Heimdall placed a comforting hand on Loki’s shoulder, and Loki looked at him in surprise. He’d almost forgotten he was talking to someone. “You think so?” He wanted it to come of flippant, but there was still too much rawness in his voice. Dammit. 

“Odinson, let me tell you a story.” Keeping his hand on Loki’s shoulder, Heimdall turned to face the window to the universe once again. He pointed. “There, on Midgard reside the Avengers. Earth’s mightiest heroes. But one of them faces a problem so similar to your own.”

“What?” Bafflement filled him. How was that even possible, and what was Heimdall talking about? What problem?

“The one you know as Captain Rogers had a friend. A brother, really, so close were they. They grew up together, played together, fought together. And then the brother fell, and Captain Rogers thought him dead. In truth, the brother landed in the hands of enemies. Evil people who twisted his body and mind. Forced him to do terrible things. Made him believe he was doing right when really he was committing grave evil. Now the brother is free of them, but he is lost. Wounded and cannot heal. He will not see the Captain, nor seek any other who could aid him.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Loki looked at Heimdall in confusion. Had the gatekeeper gone mad? How was this relevant? 

Heimdall merely met his gaze, and the weight of those golden eyes was a palpable thing. “You could not save Loki. Perhaps no one could. But you can help your friend’s brother. Remind him that not everyone only sees the bad that he has done, that there are those who still see the good man underneath.”

Helping the Avengers, or anyone they were associated with, was the absolute last thing Loki wanted to do. But Thor would probably jump at the opportunity to do something. At least as long as it involved punching things. 

“What makes you think that I can do anything? Why would this man listen to me, when he won’t even speak to his friend?” He played up Thor’s usual confusion, rather than giving the words the tone of irritation he so much wanted to. 

“Because you know, better than most, what it is like to have a brother you desperately want to connect with, but cannot. One whose esteem and good health are all you desire, but every overture goes awry, be that through his actions, your actions, or both. One who has been hurt badly, and is hated and feared by all who should rightfully be standing with him. You can help him change the ending to his story.” Heimdall cracked a slow, sad smile. “And maybe in doing so, learn how to change the story of Loki, too.” 

Loki froze. Had Heimdall guessed at his disguise? 

Before he could open his mouth and perhaps muddle things further, Heimdall said, “After all, who better to give you insight to your brother than one who has been in similar circumstances?”

No, he could not have guessed. Loki was still safe. And as odd as the assignment was, Thor trusted Heimdall’s wise council. If Heimdall suggested that Thor go somewhere, he would be eager to do it. No matter how odd the task. 

Besides, this fit in with Loki’s plans anyways. He needed to get off realm. Midgard was as good a place as any. With the vast teeming masses of humans to hide in, Loki could probably stay there indefinitely. 

He nodded. “If you think I can help, I will go. I cannot stay here any longer, anyways.” 

“I know. Odin would not have it,” Heimdall replied. “The man you are looking for is James Buchanan Barnes, and he spends every day in the alleys of the city of New York. He searches for home, for his old Brooklyn, but it is long faded into time and been replaced by something new and frightening. Find him. Help him. Give his story a better ending than ours.”

With that, Heimdall took his place at the control to Bifrost, slid in his sword, and turned the blade. Loki waited as the portal opened up, stars and light tunneling together in a beautiful cacophony. 

“Thank you, Heimdall.” He forced a tight smile onto his face and nodded goodbye. 

As he stepped through, he thought he heard Heimdall say, “Good luck, Friggason.” 

_Impossible_ , he thought. He must have misheard.

\--

Thor noticed the Bifrost open right as he was approaching the bridge, but Heimdall was turning the sword and closing the portal just as he landed. 

“Heimdall,” Thor called out and waved. He tilted his head in puzzlement. “Who did I just miss?”

“Emissaries to our allies in Vanaheim,” Heimdall said solemnly. “Gone to spread the word of our Queen’s passing.”

Grief rolled over Thor, and he ducked his head until he could wrest himself back under control. Losing both his mother and his brother, and so soon one after the other… It hurt. More than he thought he could bear.

But Loki had already come back from the dead once. Maybe it was childish fancy, but Thor held out the faintest glimmer of hope that maybe not all was as it seemed. 

It would be his luck, though, that Loki would come back at the head of an army again. 

He shook his head and gave Heimdall a strained smile. “I’ve come to beg passage from you.”

“Where to, my prince?” Heimdall shifted his sword into place, ready to turn it once again and activate the Bifrost.

“Anywhere there is trouble.”

Heimdall nodded, and opened the way.

\--

Midgard was so. _Boring._

Loki had been in New York City for just over a week when the mundanity of it all finally caught up with him. After Heimdall had dropped him off in the park, _very subtle, thank you Heimdall_ , Loki had illusioned himself away and slipped into the city. In a matter of hours he tricked his way into a posh penthouse apartment and a ridiculous amount of wealth. 

Over the next several days, he wandered the city. First, of course, he looked into the local potentials for trouble. 

The Avengers kept to their tower, generally, though the Captain tended to wander around the city, dressed to blend in. As if a ridiculous ball cap and jacket were enough to keep people from recognizing him. Stark flew around the city from time to time, as did another winged man. The spies did what spies do and slipped around unnoticed. Thor had yet to show up, which was curious. Perhaps another, more pressing matter, had called him elsewhere. 

There was a manor that teemed with magic, deep in the bowels of the city. As far as Loki could tell, though, it was empty. The protection wards on it were enough to remind him to keep his hands off, tempting a target as it was. 

Maybe he’d look into it later.

Aside from scouting out the city, there wasn’t much for Loki to do. He searched bookstores for anything that might be interesting. Crashed parties of the elite and powerful, just to go and tweak their noses. There was even a small, but growing collection, of interesting books in his new home.

But as the hours stretched on, Loki found himself brooding more and more. With nothing else to take up his time, all there was left to do was think about how he got there. Rather than face the ever growing anger, guilt, and bitterness, Loki decided it was time to find something else to do.

For lack of anything better, he started looking into Captain Rogers' friend, James Buchanan Barnes. There was a whole museum exhibit on the two of them in another city. Loki portaled himself there for a day to look and was quickly underwhelmed by the sheer level of patriotism that dripped off of every display. 

It did at least get him a picture though. With that it should have been relatively easy to set up a search spell. Well, perhaps not easy, but certainly better than actually physically searching every trash filled alley New York had to offer. 

It turned out to be a massive pain in the ass. The image from the museum was old enough and James Barnes had changed enough as a person that the spell couldn’t find much to latch on to. It took another two weeks of mucking around with the spell work just to make it reasonably effective. Even then he still had to physically go to Brooklyn and follow where his spell led. He felt like a common farmer walking around with a dowsing rod looking for water. 

_Hmmm, now there’s an idea_ , he thought with amusement. _Given what the news has to say about the Winter Soldier and Hydra, I’m sure there’s a thriving market for brainwashed-assassin-finding dowsing rods_. 

He was getting closer to his target, of that he was certain. Once he got within a block, he’d illusion himself as Captain Rogers and then approach like the old friend that Barnes would think he was. From there all he had to do was scrape up what was left of Barnes off the streets and do a little switch with the real Rogers. 

It was both simple and perfect. In addition to giving him something to occupy his time, this would also be like tricking the Avengers as well. After all, he’d be able to do something none of them had figured out how to yet. Bring in the Winter Soldier.

What they did with Barnes afterwards wasn’t really Loki’s concern. 

\--

James Buchanan Barnes sat huddled against a dirty brick wall. 

Everything hurt. 

His head hurt. Shards of memory were all mixed up with sudden flashes of things he wished he could delude himself into thinking he never did. Nothing looked right. The buildings were too big, too clean. He kept thinking that if he turned the next corner, he’d see a familiar face. A short, thin blond man. Or maybe three pretty, curly haired brunette girls, all dressed up for dinner out, and achingly familiar to what he saw reflected in window panes.

His arm hurt. The place where the cold metal fused to his shoulder pulsed with his heart beat, a dull ache that sprung up during the fight on the helicarrier and never quite went away. That angry throbbing went straight down to his fingers, which shivered and hissed when he tried to do anything more complicated than a simple grab. 

There was a vast empty void in his abdomen. He knew he should be eating. He knew it. But everything tasted like ash, if he was lucky. If he wasn’t, it tasted like memories, sometimes bad, sometimes not. Each were hard in their own way. 

Worst of all, his heart ached. He felt lost. Bereft. Nothing made sense anymore. He desperately wanted to see Steven G. Rogers, Steve, friend, pal, punk. 

_Maybe more than that_ , something in the back of his mind whispered. But that couldn’t be trusted. Nothing in his mind could be trusted. 

It was a bad idea, seeking out Captain America. Everything would just go to hell. It would end in a fight, and then he’d be back to where he’d been for decades. In a cage with someone else pulling the strings. 

Worse, he’d hurt Steve in the process. 

He couldn’t do that anymore. Never again. 

So James Buchanan Barnes sat against the dirty wall, somewhere in Brooklyn, not quite remembering, but not quite forgetting either. Today’s wall was next to some kind of coffee shop. The air was filled with familiar city smells, cars and birds and trash. But it also smelled like hot drinks and bread and spices. 

Not a bad place to sit, all things considered. Tomorrow he’d find a different spot, he couldn’t be too careful after all. For today, though, this was just fine. 

As he sat, he drifted. Memories washed over him from time to time, but mostly he was just numb. He was far enough into the alley that no one came near to drop coins at his feet. Which was just fine as far as he was concerned. All he needed was to be alone. 

Someone was walking towards him. Not just happen to be walking down his alley, but actually moving towards him with intent. Alarm surged through him, but when he looked up…

The world spun for a moment. It was Steve. Steve found him and was walking towards him. Before he knew it he was on his feet, pressed into the wall behind him. Steve was still walking, closer and closer. There was a smile on his face and his arms were out. 

Something was wrong here. 

Something was very wrong. The movements were wrong; the gait, the way he held his head, the _fucking smile_. All wrong.

“Bucky?” Not-Steve said, almost on him now, arms open wide and ready to grab. “Jeeze am I glad I found you, Bucky, I’ve been looking all ov-ACKKKKK!” 

In less than a heartbeat, Barnes had Not-Steve by the throat and shoved into the wall, toes dangling off the ground. 

“Bucky! Buck---” Not-Steve wheezed out. “It’s fine, I’m not here to hur-UCK!”

Metal fingers tightened around that fake throat, and a knife found its way to Not-Steve’s tender middle.

“You. Are not. Steve.” It had been a long time since he’d last bothered trying to speak, and it took more effort than he expected to get the words out. 

“I don’t know what yo-URK!” 

He tried to tighten his metal fingers only fractionally, but they spasmed instead, going to crushing strength for a moment before nearly releasing all together, dropping the man back onto his feet. So far the man didn’t seem like much of a threat, but Barnes had been caught wrong before. Just in case, he kept his metal hand on the man’s chest, holding him in place against the wall as best as he could. 

“Okay, okay…” The image of Not-Steve melted away and in his place stood a thin, dark haired man. He was elegantly dressed in dark grey and green and stank of arrogance. The man rubbed his throat, wincing, and said, “For the love of… Good Gods, do you greet everyone with a choke hold?”

Barnes considered this. Honestly, that was probably an accurate statement. Kinda didn’t matter though. The only people coming after him deserved to be in choke holds. He shrugged with his right shoulder. “Who the fuck are you?” Now his voice was working better. The words hardly sounded gravelly at all.

Yay.

The man smiled and straightened his lapels, not so incidentally brushing the hands off of him. “I am Loki, of...well, of nowhere right now, I suppose. And you should feel grateful, for I have come to help you rejoin your captain and gain your life back.”

Barnes blinked. Then took a step back and blinked again. He pursed his lips. “Fuck off,” he said, and then sat right back down next to the dirty wall.

There was a long pause as Loki stared at him, arms crossed over his chest. “You can’t be serious right now.”

“How did you know to call me Bucky? No one calls me Bucky. That guy is dead.” He peeked up at Loki from under his black hood and greasy hair. His metal arm spasmed again. “Also. Seriously, fuck off.”

Loki snorted and crouched down next to him, a smirk plastered on his face. “I have knowledge from beyond the stars. Forbidden things are known to me, and my mind has tread where others dare not even imagine.” Barnes opened and closed the fingers on his flesh hand, miming an empty mouth babbling. As soon as Loki figured out what Barnes was doing, a flash of annoyance twisted his face. “I’m serious. Beings of great knowledge and importance bid me to find you and help you!”

The response rolled right off of Barnes’ tongue. Where it came from, he had no idea. “Well, Mr. Serious, I’m Bucky. It’s nice to meet you. Now get the fuck out of my alley. I’m sittin’ here.”

Loki balled up his fists for a moment and actually ground his teeth together. “Clearly, there is a reason you’ve been sitting here, and no doubt it has much to do with your personable attitude.”

Barnes just side-eyed him, and then got on with staring into space.

A heavy sigh let out next to him, which Barnes ignored. Then there was a tapping of fingers against an expensively clad arm. This was followed by the soft grinding of teeth. He waited it out. Idiots like this jackass got bored fast enough. 

Sure enough, in only a few minutes Loki got up and walked away.

Finally.

Barnes considered moving to a new alley. 

Unfortunately, five minutes later Loki was back. This time, he had two cups of coffee with him, both smelling sweet and bitter and amazing. One he took slow sips from as he leaned against the wall. The other, he just held. 

The two of them waited in silence. Minutes ticked by as Barnes stubbornly refused to give Loki any attention at all. 

The coffee smelled really nice though. And it looked hot. It had been a very, very long time indeed since Barnes last had a hot drink. 

He clenched his jaw. This was exactly what that asshole wanted and Barnes wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. His stomach gnawed at him. It had been so long since he’d last eaten that it wasn’t even growling any more. It just ached, like a bear trap around his spine. The aroma of bitter-sweet life giving liquid seemed to burn into his brain. 

Barnes risked a glance to the side. Only for a second or two, and only because he couldn’t seem to stop himself. Loki was looking right at him, a small smirk on his face and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. 

Fuck. What an asshole. Barnes clenched both of his hands briefly. The metal one shuddered, and Barnes could feel something grinding inside, like a cheese grater right on his nerves. He held back a wince.

“If you’re waiting for me to ask for it, you’re gonna be waiting for the end times,” Barnes said, his eyes graying out with rage for a moment. “Just like my fucking masters, trying to get me to beg like a dog. Fuck you. You’re lucky I don’t rip out your spine.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Loki stiffen in place. The second coffee cup was immediately set down next to Barnes’ leg. “Forgive me. That was not at all what I intended.” To his surprise, Loki actually did sound apologetic. 

Barnes cast a suspicious glance up. Loki wasn’t looking at him anymore. He just leaned against the wall, sipped his drink, and looked off towards the alley mouth. 

That...wasn’t what Barnes expected. His brow furrowed as he considered things. The cup of coffee steamed gently next to him. It probably wouldn’t hurt to take it, since there were no expectations of him. Loki wasn’t even looking. Something hot to wrap his hand around might be nice, too. 

With another sidelong glance up to Loki, Barnes hesitantly grabbed the cup and cradled it close to his chest. It was like holding a mini-radiator, a tiny pocket-sized sun that cast warmth all through him. He tilted his head down and let the steam curl up under the hood of his black jacket, filling his whole world with the smell of hot, glorious coffee. It was ages before he even took a drink, but once he did the flavor burst into his mouth like a punch to the face. After that, he couldn’t stop drinking it. The heat soaked through him amd cup was empty in under a minute. 

Barnes sighed a bit and toyed with the now-empty cardboard. His stomach rolled for a moment, unaccustomed to the syrupy sweet, caffeine laden liquid now in it. The silence grew heavy as he struggled to figure out what to say. Everything in his head was a tangle anyways, and actually needing to interact with someone made it even worse. 

Eventually, he just gave up on finding appropriate words and just resumed staring into space. His eyes drifted lower as he concentrated on the smells and sounds of the city. The slow breaths and low steady heartbeat of Loki next to him blended right in with the overall cacophony. 

He must have drifted into a trance for a bit, because when Loki finally moved, Barnes startled hard. There was that white hot pain again in his metal limb as he shoved himself away and into the wall, metal plates spasming up and down in a broken shiver. His breath caught in his throat and he tried to remember it was Loki sitting next to him, not anyone else.

To Loki’s credit, and Barnes’ vast relief, Loki didn’t even acknowledge the movement, though he had to have seen it. He simply continued looked out of the alley and said in an incredibly bored tone, “It’s nearly dark. Were you planning on sleeping here, or can I tempt you into joining me for dinner?”

Barnes took a few slow, deep breaths and flexed all of his fingers. He was still here, in an alley. Not with Hydra. Not with Steve. Just an empty alleyway with some asshole magician. When he finally calmed his mind enough, he realized Loki was right. The shadows had already disappeared and though the sky was still light out, the sun was already mostly hidden behind the skyscrapers. Yellow lights and neon signs make the street bright as day, now. 

“No food,” Barnes said finally. “Don’t want it. Not sleeping here either.” He slowly eased himself up to standing and resituated his jacket and backpack into a more comfortable position. 

“You know, if you don’t want to go to your captain, you could come with me?” Loki sounded somewhat reluctant. 

Barnes raised an eyebrow at him. “The fuck do you care, man?”

Loki just shrugged. “I don’t really, but I’m bored silly in this damn city and I thought this might be a more interesting use of my time.”

 _Huh_ , Barnes thought. _At least he’s honest_. 

He started walking. Loki followed, half step behind him. “So where are we headed? Please tell me you’ve got some secret lair here amid the thronging masses. After all, you’re supposed to be a villain. Don’t all villains have secret lairs?”

God, Barnes wanted to punch this guy. It seemed like a waste of time and energy though. Barnes had noticed how the full strength of his metal arm, damaged though it was, hadn’t even left a hint of redness on Loki’s neck. Something special going on with him, either in addition to or because of the magic. A punch to the face would probably just encourage him. 

Better to ignore him, then. 

So he did. From the irritated huff next to him, Loki had figured out his strategy. Barnes kept his hood down low and weaved through the crowds, slowly circling towards his current night time flop spot. 

There was this intense burst of satisfaction when Loki finally figured out where they were headed, and said, “Oh you have got to be kidding me.”

“Nope.” Barnes smirked, and waved his flesh hand at the small sprawling shanty town of cardboard huts. “Welcome to Hooverville.”

There were brief flickers in the back of his mind about Hoovervilles. Barnes didn’t think he’d ever lived in one before, but he’d seen them. Ones much larger than this little collection of hovels, too. He shook his head and put it out of his mind. Dwelling on it might get him lost in some half memory and he couldn’t afford that with Loki hanging around. 

“I am not staying here,” Loki said fimly. 

Barnes just kept walking. “You could always leave.”

The irritated look he got in return was almost worth compromising his current sleep spot. He couldn’t come back here again, not now that someone knew where it was. 

“James Barnes…” There was something in Loki’s voice that made Barnes pause. He turned to look at Loki, his head tilted a bit and one eyebrow raised. Loki ran his tongue over his teeth and took a breath. “I won’t tell the Avengers where you’re at, not if you do not wish it. But please, for the sake of all that you hold holy, let me take you someplace better for your rest. A warm room. Hot shower. Soft bed.” Loki spread out his empty hands, as if giving him a gift. His smile was perfectly entreating. 

Barnes blinked and gave it a full two seconds thought, because those things did sound nice. But that shit always came with a cost. Even if this Loki character didn’t want anything for himself, Bucky didn’t think he could pay what it would cost himself to accept. 

Which is why he said, “No,” and kept walking. There was another massive sigh behind him, and then Loki was following him again. 

He settled on the side of the overpass, not quite under any particular shelter, but it at least had the benefit of keeping his back to concrete. Most of the really good defensible spots were already taken by the regulars. Barnes didn’t begrudge them. 

Loki stared at the cement wall, covered with graffiti and bits of dried gum. Then he looked down at the filthy, trash covered ground. The look on his face was so pathetic that Barnes almost wanted to laugh. It was a novel sensation. With closed eyes and a deep breath, Loki sat down next to him. Every part of his body screamed its discomfort. 

“I should just leave you,” Loki said quietly.

“Yup,” Barnes responded. 

“I could just leave you tonight and come back in the morning.” Now Loki actually sounded speculative. 

Better nip that in the bud. 

“You could, but I’d be gone. Then you’d have to use your mystical space powers to find me all over again.” That statement was a gamble. As far as Barnes knew, Loki could just pull that kind magical bullshit out of his ass. 

But Barnes didn’t think so. After all, why would Loki be sticking so close if he could just pop back to annoy Barnes whenever he wanted? 

“I could do it,” Loki said. 

“Yup,” Barnes replied evenly.

Loki sighed. “But it would be an annoyance.”

“I figured as much.” He cast a glance over, noting just how odd Loki looked sitting there amid the garbage in his fine suit with polished gold buttons. Barnes was vaguely surprised that they hadn’t been jumped yet. 

He gave a purely internal shrug. Maybe Loki had some kind of protection spell going. That would make sense. 

Assuming any of this actually made sense. 

With another very deep sigh, Loki settled back into the wall, shoulders slumped and relaxed. Seeing him sitting more at ease actually put Barnes more at ease too. It made something in the back of his head rest a little quieter knowing that Loki wasn’t tensed and ready to fight, even if objectively Barnes knew that those physical tells could be faked. “You’re certain you don’t want access to clean clothes and a nice hot bath?” Loki asked sadly.

Barnes did not miss the side-eyed glance up and down, taking in the dirty, well-used clothes and greasy hair. He also was long past caring, so all he did was smirk.

Then there was the soft pitter-pat of rain falling on them, just a few drops at first, but then a veritable deluge. Loki held up one hand to feel the water fall on them, and then dropped it, as well as his head. “Of course.”

Those words were so resigned, so absolutely accepting of what was clearly just shitty luck, but yet still so deeply unhappy, that it made Barnes bark out a laugh. It was a broken, rough sound, but it was the first time Barnes had remembered laughing in…

Forever, actually.

The thought actually ticked him. He was laughing. For the first time in his memory, he found something to be pleased and amused by.

Loki just cast a withering glance at him. “I’m so glad you are entertained.” His voice dripped with sarcasm. 

That just made Bucky laugh more. After two solid minutes of chuckling, he was nearly doubled over, panting for breath. Every time he looked at Loki’s expression, it just set him off again. His face hurt with it, and wasn’t that a strange sensation. 

Eventually, he managed to tame himself. He shook his head and thought things through. Fuck it. Why shouldn’t he go? He didn’t need to sleep wherever ‘there’ was, and hot water did sound pretty amazing. Hell, even if he had to stand in the stall with all of his clothes on, just being warm for a change would be worth it. 

Steve didn’t have to know. He could be gone before anyone was the wiser. Barnes trusted his skills enough for that, if push came to shove. 

“You know what? Sure.” He dropped a companionable hand on Loki’s shoulder. “I haven’t been warm in eighty years, and I owe you for the laugh. And the coffee.”

Loki brightened in surprise, and then grinned madly. “Excellent. Hold on.”

There was a bright green flash from Loki’s hands, and then the world spun around them.

\--


	2. Chapter 2

Teleporting the two of them back to Loki’s penthouse apartment was child’s play. Getting out of the choke hold that Barnes had immediately thrown him into once they’d arrived was less so. 

“The fuck was that! Where are we?” Barnes had him shoved into the kitchen counter this time, bent over nearly backwards from the force put on his neck. 

When Loki chose the kitchen for their landing site, he did so because he knew the marble tile would be so much easier to clean than the plush, hand woven rugs in the sitting area. He did not consider that this gave Barnes access to the kitchen’s formidable collection of knives that were displayed on the wall. One of which was currently being held to his throat.

Very carefully, Loki slipped a hand onto the handle of the cleaver currently prickling his neck and gently pushed it back a touch. Just enough to give him some breathing room. “Easy. I simply teleported us to my humble abode. So much faster than walking.”

“That is not okay,” Barnes said, voice so low and rough it barely qualified as words. “No more of that. You ask first. You tell me what you are doing and you ask, because otherwise I will hurt you. _Badly_.”

Given the strength he’d displayed so far, Loki had no doubt that Barnes could follow through on his threat. Especially once he’d recovered a bit more. Not that Loki was concerned. He’d been dealing with physical threats from his brother for centuries, not to mention the fact that he was formidable in his own right.

But he knew that there was a time for calling one's bluff and a time for letting things slide. For now, things needed to go smoothly.

“Of course,” Loki said smoothly. “I was merely trying to make our trip as smooth and quiet as possible.” 

The knife eased back a bit more and Barnes looked slightly less murderous. He squinted at Loki for a minute longer, gave one short nod, and then he was off wandering around the room.

Loki rolled his eyes. Barnes must have gotten his sense of the dramatic from Captain Rogers. He stood up and straightened out the wrinkles on his waistcoat and watched Barnes prowl around the apartment. What he was checking for, Loki had no idea. 

A small frown twitched at Loki’s lips as he marked the barely visible trail of footprints in the carpet that Barnes left in his wake. 

“Whenever you’re quite done, the shower is down that way.” Loki pointed down the hall. “Guest room is on the left. There’s an ensuite bath. I’ve already laid out clothes that will probably fit you. Take them, or not.” His nose wrinkled at the now much more apparent smell that wafted off of Barnes. Gods, the man was rank. Loki could smell him from across the room. 

“You got me clothes.” The look on Barnes face was flat, but there was an undercurrent of hostility. 

“It was for the benefit of both of us, believe me,” Loki said, still trying to keep the horror out of his face. He was probably failing, but he found he didn’t care. What color were those pants originally? Probably safer not to know. 

Barnes just snorted and wandered back to the guest room. 

As soon as he was out of sight, Loki sighed in relief. That actually went far better than he expected. Rocky start aside, he honestly hadn’t expected to get Barnes off the streets in only one night. Granted, there was no guarantee that he’d stay past his shower. 

Loki dropped down onto one of the kitchen island stools and let out a long, slow breath. His shoulders slumped, and he briefly contemplated letting his head rest on the countertop. Playing the happy fool was more difficult than it had been in times past. 

For that’s what the whole afternoon was. An act. In many ways, Barnes reminded him of Thor. Well, Thor if he was a bitter, broken, dangerous weapon. Barnes was withdrawn. Prickly and quiet, similar to Thor in some of his worst moments. The best way to counter that was to play light hearted. Try to bring out a smile. 

The rain was a stroke of luck. If he didn’t know better, Loki would have thanked Thor for the intervention. So what if he ended up looking ridiculous, sitting there in his suit, soaking wet? It had made Barnes laugh, which had in turn given Loki that little bit of leeway needed to bring Barnes in.

It wasn’t even a lie. Loki _was_ spectacularly irritated at needing to debase himself by sitting in trash under the bridge. The reactions were genuine, just exaggerated a touch. 

Loki was adept enough at lying that if he really didn’t want Barnes to know how displeased he was by the squalor, Barnes would not have known. He could have been unflappable and pristine, untouched by any irritant, but that would likely have only served to push Barnes farther away. Showing the misery and disgust served Loki’s purpose.

That was the trick that Thor had never understood. Good lies are always at least part truth, and the best lies are the ones you believe.

A faint hum started up in the wall as the pipes came alive and the guest shower started up. 

_I should probably shower and change, too_ , Loki thought to himself. He struggled to get up the energy. Why was he even bothering with this? What did it matter? It wouldn’t change a damn thing. Not for him, anyways. Even if he did help Barnes, he’d still be an outcast. 

Traitor.

Monster.

Black thoughts swirled around in his head, chasing away his forced good mood.

He shook it off. This was precisely why he was doing this. Because if he had to spend one more second alone thinking about everything that he’d been through and done, he would well and truly go mad with it. 

Again. 

It took only a moment to send a message to a local cleaner and arrange for the apartment floors to be deep cleaned, and then Loki wandered back to his own room. As powerful as he was and as damaged as Barnes was, Loki still didn’t like how vulnerable a hot shower would leave him. So instead he simply toweled off his hair and slipped into some dry clothes. 

This time Loki slipped into black dress clothes with cobalt blue accents. He left off the jacket, but kept the waistcoat. Silver and moonstone cufflinks polished the look off. Still dressy, but slightly more relaxed then the gold and gray from earlier.

For lack of anything better to do, Loki wandered back into the kitchen and poked at the espresso machine. He wasn’t particularly thirsty, but he liked the smell that filled the room when it was brewing. 

“Nice digs you got here.”

Loki nearly jumped out of his skin. He spun in place and in a flash of green light, twin daggers were summoned from nowhere. Without even realizing it, he had crouched down slightly; knees flexed, teeth bared, and ready to fight. 

Barnes stood behind him, hair wet and now in fresh clothes. He held up both his hands in a sign of peace and waited, face neutral. There was an eerie green shine on the metal of Barnes’ hand and the appliances around them, reflected light from whatever energy Loki was giving off.

It was just Barnes. No one else. Nothing else. Just Barnes. 

Loki took a deep breath and straightened, willing himself to be calm and sending his daggers away, back to the pocket dimension he had them stored in. Adrenaline still surged through him, and every little noise jarred his nerves like a thundercrash. To help cover up the slight shake of his hands, Loki fiddled with his cufflinks and smiled. 

“You are a quiet one,” Loki said, letting admiration leak into his voice.

Barnes lowered his hands and shrugged. He’d donned a nice, soft long-sleeve shirt. Its deep red color warmed up his pale skin nicely and brought out the brown in his hair. Black pants were the perfect accompaniment. All in all, Barnes cleaned up rather well. 

Loki preened a bit at his own good taste in selecting clothes to buy. 

“You’re looking better already.” Which was true, though Loki could still see signs of malnutrition. The heavy bags under his eyes and the hallows in his cheeks all told grim tales. 

“So is this your secret lair?” Barnes asked, glancing around. He leaned back against the counter opposite where Loki stood.

“Pardon?” 

“You said all villains get secret lairs. Is this yours?” His tone of voice was neutral and his posture relaxed, but his gaze was piercing. 

Well that wasn’t a very good line of questioning. Loki tried to laugh it off. “I’m afraid I’m not sure what you’re getting at. I’m only trying to help you.”

Barnes raised an eyebrow at him and smirked. “I’m brain damaged, not stupid. I was briefed on all of the Avengers, including Thor and the Battle of New York. Seems like an awful coincidence that I run into a magic man named Loki.”

_Of all the bad luck._. Loki’s mouth twisted bitterly. There was no escaping anything, it seemed. So great was the disaster that was Loki’s life that even amnesiac assassins in other realms had heard of his many failures. 

He felt the magic gather under his skin, a prickling up his spine that was called into being by his anxiety and bitter frustration. He smiled, this time all sharp angles and teeth. “Yes. I am brother to Thor. The one who brought an army here to conquer this pathetic realm.” Little flashes of his time at the Other’s tender mercies flew through his mind and he felt his smile stretch a little wider. He held his arms open wide, daring Barnes to do something. Anything.

Barnes just wandered over to a couch and flopped down with a groan. “Nice lair. Way better than my Hooverville.”

Loki blinked and stood frozen for a moment. Power dissipated to nothing around him as he puzzled that response over. He furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t for the life of him come up with a good response.

Eventually, he wandered over and stood at the far end of the couch. Barnes gave him a bland look and slumped a little farther into the cushions.

“It doesn’t bother you-- that I…” Loki wasn’t exactly sure how to finish that statement. Saying too much might further incriminate him in Barnes’ mind.

“Did terrible shit? Hard to throw stones from inside my glass house.” Barnes’ right shoulder ticked in what was almost a shrug.

That was a solid point. Loki sat down onto one of the plush chairs and considered this. He crossed legs and let his arms rest easily on the cushions. 

“And you’re not worried I’m going to try again.” It was said like a statement, because it was obviously true. Barnes hadn’t looked less worried all day.

“I probably should be, but it doesn’t really seem like it’s on your To Do list. Besides, I’ve been on the wrong end of a recruitment drive a couple times. They don’t usually start with hot showers.” His smile was wide and feral, a mirror to Loki’s earlier bearing of teeth. 

“No. No they do not,” Loki said, and let his gaze slip off into nowhere. 

He thought back to his fall from Asgard. How broken he was already when the Other found him. The pain that came later. Torture upon torture mixed with sweet promises. 

A soft _rippp_ broke Loki out of his head. He’d accidentally dug his fingers straight through the fabric of the arm. He cast a worried glance to Barnes, but the look he got in return was perfectly blank.

Loki brushed his hands off and grinned as widely and sincerely as he could manage. “Now that you are all freshened up, how about we get something to eat.” The blank stare turned slightly sour, and Barnes looked off towards the floor. 

After nothing but silence for a minute or two, Loki sighed. Of course. “Come on. You look weak as a kitten. Surely if your enemies caught you like this, you’d stand little chance against them.”

“I did okay against you.” Barnes quirked an eyebrow at him. 

Loki just smirked right back. “Oh, please, don’t tell me you thought that I could be so easily dealt with. I allowed you to manhandle me. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, after all.” Before things to shift to something more speculative, Loki kept on. The last thing he wanted was for this evening to devolve into a fight. “If you truly want to see which one of us can best the other, we should wait a while until you are at your top form. I’d hate for you to think that your loss was from anything other than your complete inferiority.” 

That just earned him another short laugh. “Fuck, but you are full of yourself.”

“It comes with being a god,” Loki replied primly, and haughty examined his nails. 

More laughter. That was a good sign. Loki’s smile stretched a little wider. 

“Food, huh.” Barnes sighed heavily. “Food doesn’t always--- It’s not--- Fuck.” He rubbed his flesh hand over his face. The metal one twitched. The movement was unnatural, with strange stutters and stops. 

That was going to need to be fixed. Unfortunately, Loki’s magic did not lay in that sort of fabrication. Another solution would have to be found. Possibly more challenging would be to convince Barnes to go through with whatever plan Loki came up with. 

He smirked. That could be rather fun. First things first, though. Dinner.

“I’ll tell you what,” Loki said. “I’ll let you pick where we eat. Anything you want.” He smiled and folded his hands together. He’d gotten Barnes this far, heading to get some food too wouldn’t be too far of a stretch. 

“We’re going out?” Barnes frowned, and then glanced around to check the windows and door. As if merely mentioning leaving was enough to bring down waves of enemies. 

A touch paranoid, then. Well that suited Loki fine. He was more than a bit paranoid, himself. 

“Did you actually expect that I might cook?” Loki raised both eyebrows at him.

Barnes blinked at him. “No, I guess not.”

“Good then. Get your weapons and let’s be off!” He stood up and summoned his suit jacket. 

“As if I’m ever without weapons,” Barnes said with an eyeroll, and then he stood up as well. He frowned and looked Loki up and down. “You want to magic us away again, don’t you.”

Loki sneered. “Walking is for peasants.”

After heaving a large sigh, Barnes grabbed his backpack from where it had been tucked behind the sofa. Then he walked over to stand next to Loki. “I sort of can’t believe I’m agreeing to this, but go ahead.”

“Excellent.” With an extremely self-satisfied smile, Loki grabbed a hold of Barnes’ shoulder. In a flash of light and a twist of space, they were gone. 

\--

Barnes had to admit, the whole magic transportation thing was a hell of a lot easier when he knew it was coming. Just a brief flash of green light and cold, and boom. They had arrived.

_Where_ they had arrived was another thing entirely. 

From the looks of the walls of windows around them, they popped up in the hallway of one of the high rises, several stories up. A few feet in front of them was an elegant pair of solid blue double doors, flanked by windows. The only sign visible was a very small plaque next to the window, stating the name, ‘Per Se’. He didn’t need to do more than glance inside to see this was not the place for him. 

Cloth covered tables with a vase of fresh flowers on each one. Sturdly looking solid wood chairs. A glass enclosed fireplace extruded from a wall of windows. 

“No. Definitely not.” He took a step back.

Loki frowned at him, and then peered through the windows as well. “What? Why not?”

“They are gonna take one look at me and kick us out.” Barnes took another step backwards, in the vague hope that putting a little more distance between him and the doors would help. 

“You know I can fix that.” A little tendril of green light floated around Loki’s waggling fingers, and his lips twisted into a smirk.

“Uh uh.” Barnes shook his head, repulsed by the idea of anyone else’s influence on him. “No way, pal. Keep your spells to yourself, thanks.”

“Hrmm…” The smirk on Loki’s face twisted into a frown and he crossed his arms. He wasn’t quite glaring at Barnes, but it was a close thing. “So be it. Something less formal then.”

He reached out, grabbed Barnes’ arm, and they were gone.

They appeared next to a terrace overlooking the river. Wooden tables and chairs filled up the deck and tall poles supported large speakers and strings of colorful lights. Large red and white shade umbrellas dotted across the dock. There were even a few cushioned beds set up to look over the water. A red roof pavilion filled up the center portion of the dock, with more tables and a walled off section for the kitchen nestled under its roof. A small brick building near the parking lot featured ‘La Marina’ in huge red letters. 

The last dying rays of the sun glittered on the water and off in the distance, Barnes could see the George-Washington Bridge. Most of the tables were in clear line of sight to the bridge, not to mention several tall buildings on the other side of the river. It was enough to set his teeth on edge.

Men in shorts and ladies in sundresses wandered up and down the dockside. Nearly every table was full up. Music pumped over the din of dozens of people chatting and dishware clanking.

Loki gestured with one hand towards the throngs of people. There as a hopeful smile on his face. “Not quite so formal, and yet still delicious. You’ll fit in fine.”

“Right up until someone puts a bullet in my head from a mile away.” Barnes shook his head. “No.”

“As if anyone would be prepared to take a shot here,” Loki replied with a roll of his eyes. “We’ll have eaten and been gone long before anyone is the wiser.”

“Too open. No.” Barnes gave Loki a look. Loki just looked back and tapped his fingers on his arm. “You said I can choose, so I’m choosing not this. Either I get a choice or I don’t, and I’m gone.”

_Bastard better not argue with me on that_ , Barnes thought. He was fucking done with people ordering him around, and he didn’t give a shit how well intentioned they were being or how petty the choice was. 

Some of that must have shown on his face, because Loki just rolled his eyes again and grabbed his arm. “Maybe something a little closer to home.”

In another flash of light, they were gone. 

They showed up on a busy street. Barnes shook his head and tried to get his bearings. The quick teleports, one after another, were kind of fucking with his equilibrium. It wasn’t really a physical sensation, rather it was more the mental recalibration of trying to get a fix on where the fuck he was. 

They were pointed at a red brick building. Black windows and black wooden paneling covered the front face. Scrolled in white cursive lettering, the name ‘P.J. Clarkes’ was written up the side. 

Quiet dread pooled in Barnes’ stomach. He knew this place.

There was laughter. Bright and happy, right in his ear.

_Awww, come on, Buck! We got enough this week. It’ll be a treat. For your birthday._

_Ha, no chance, punk_. He could feel a grin stretch across his face. It hurt, like dry skin stretching across bone. _Save your money. You wanna get me something for my birthday, just draw me up a nice picture. That’ll last longer than a burger, any day._

“No. No, no, no, no, no…” 

Barnes took off running, picking a direction at random. As fast as he was going, he still couldn’t out run the scene in his head. 

_...Are you sure? I draw you stuff all the time._

_Sure as sure, Steve. You’re gonna be famous one day, and I’m gonna keep all the sketches I got from you. They’ll be worth a mint!_

_Yeah, yeah._ The face was turned down, blond bangs over those endless blue eyes, but hidden there was a smile that Bucky lived for. 

Barnes kept running. 

It hurt, remembering. Like a metal spike in his brain. Nothing fit right. That was Steve. Steve, who he followed and fought for and died for. And now he was a damaged monster, unworthy of even being in the same damn city as his friend. 

His friend, and only his friend, Barnes was sure. Nothing more. Every memory wouldn’t be laced with longing, otherwise. 

He needed to stay away. Couldn’t let Steve get sullied by the shit and blood Barnes was steeped in.

Evil thoughts chased themselves back and forth through his mind, making him want to howl. He bit down on it, forced it back.

Loki found him in another alleyway. Silent as a cat, he krept up at leaned on the wall next to where Barnes sat, head in his hands. 

Any minute now he’d say something. Have some shitty, snarky commentary on how broken Barnes was or some earnest question about what happened. The very thought of it set Barnes teeth on edge. He fucking hated it. No one ever left anything alone.

Steve would have never left it alone. They’d learned that the hard way after Azzano. 

The silence stretched on and Barnes got his breathing under control. Slowly but surely the tension leaked out of him, and his tight huddle around his backpack turned into more of a loose crouch. Sounds of the city washed over him; comforting and familiar, but not too familiar. 

“So that’s a ‘no’, I’m guessing.” 

Barnes choked out a tiny laugh, and rubbed his eyes. “That’s a no.” 

He stood up and shouldered his backpack again. Then he ran a hand through his hair, damp from nervous sweat. He stole a quick glance at Loki, but couldn’t find a trace of annoyance on the other man’s face. Just a mild sense of waiting. 

Huh. 

Although, the more Barnes thought about it, the more that made sense. The way Loki acted back at his lair when he was startled, the way he zoned out when the conversation edged around torture...well, Loki probably knew a thing or two about places that brought back memories. 

The lack of judgement, or even pity, was refreshing. No questions, too. Loki just waited for Barnes to get his shit together. Surprising.

He shook his head. “Come on. Lets just walk for a bit. I’ll find us a spot.”

Loki huffed in irritation, probably because of the whole walking thing, but followed along. 

It took a few minutes, but eventually Barnes found something that might work. If he was being honest with himself, only about half of the reason he picked it was because he thought he might be able to eat there. He cast a sideways look at Loki, and waited. 

He could see the exact moment that Loki had realized what they were looking at. 

They had stopped right in front of a somewhat shabby looking Chinese restaurant. It’s faded red sign was so old that it was mostly pink, and water stains trailed down the front panels. Bright gold letters spelled out ‘Nom Wah Tea Parlor’ and the small front window was filled with leafy green potted plants and a gold lucky cat statue. 

“You must be joking.” Loki’s tone was flat, but his mouth hung slightly open and his eye twitched in irritation. 

Jackpot. 

“What? You got a problem with dumplings?” Barnes grinned, and gently nudged Loki forward.

Loki scrunched up his face and then rubbed his eyes. “Not at all. After you,” he said, and waved Barnes in. 

In inside smelled as amazing as Barnes had hoped. Best of all, it didn’t smell like anything familiar, not in a good or bad way. 

That thought alone was enough to wither his enthusiasm. He paused just inside the doorway and wondered if he should bother going through with trying to eat. What was the point? The shitty Nazi serum that Hydra had infected him with would probably keep him alive no matter what. Consuming anything seemed like nothing more than a chore. 

Before he could get too mired in those thoughts, though, Loki pressed him forward. “Go. Sit. I swear, if I have to order for you, I’m ordering you goat’s feet.”

Barnes snorted. Ah yes, that was a good reason to keep going. Watching Loki twitch at how low-brow it was. 

One of the waitresses in the back waved them towards an unoccupied booth. Barnes immediately shifted so his back was to the wall. This gave him a good view up and down the narrow dining room, and an eye on both front and back exits.

Nice. 

The menus were in both English and Chinese. Much to Barnes surprise, he could actually read the Chinese. Where or how he got that knowledge was a mystery, but, well, that wasn’t unusual. 

A quiet pleased humming interrupted his thoughts. “It looks like perhaps this was a fine choice after all. They seem to have a halfway reasonable selection of tea.”

The overwhelming aroma of savory treats just amplified the painful cramps in his stomach. Everything he looked at on the menu sounded amazing. Interestingly, it seemed this place specialized in dim sum; small portion sized plates of various steamed and fried goodies. 

When the waitress came by, he ordered most of the menu. Somethings he got two of. 

He faintly recognized that the waitress was looking at him with raised brows, but the vast majority of his attention was on the thought that soon he would have food. Barnes had to swallow every few seconds just to keep the saliva in his mouth, he was drooling so much. He fidgeted in place until his metal fingers twitched and pain shot through him. After that he just sat, stone still. 

There was something hot in his flesh hand. 

He blinked. Loki had shoved a tiny cup of tea into his hand, with a fresh pot ready and waiting next to it. A tiny shiver crawled up his spine. He was losing time. Maybe it was a good thing that Loki had conned him into getting some food. 

Neither one of them bothered to speak while they waited, and thankfully, they weren’t waiting long. When the first plate of steamed shrimp dumplings arrived, Barnes nearly fell over from the flavor of it. Hot and meaty, with a splash of salty goodness. His eyes rolled back into his head and a heavy shudder wracked his frame. Delicious heat curled through him, and the rest of the dumplings were gone in seconds. 

Soon enough there was a veritable river of tiny plates of food being funneled towards them. Barnes ate like a man possessed. Despite how much food he’d ordered, none of it stayed around long enough to fill up the table. There was just an ever increasing stack of tiny plates off to the side, looming over them. 

When the last plate lay empty, a big happy sigh escaped from Barnes. He suddenly realized that he hadn’t bothered to even look at Loki once through the whole meal. 

Loki was just staring at him, eyes wide and lips pressed together. Barnes wanted to feel pissy about that, but he was too full. Gloriously, deliciously full. He slouched a little in his seat and sighed happily.

“Well. I’m impressed.” Loki toasted his tea cup at him, and smirked back. “And I stand corrected. You have fine taste in cuisine. Even if the atmosphere does leave something to be desired.” He sniffed a bit, and waved a hand for the bill. “You must be ready to fall over. Sleep now, perhaps? Then we can talk more in the morning.”

Since Barnes could already feel exhaustion dragging at his eyes, he nodded. The idea of sleeping in Loki’s lair did leave him a bit uneasy, but he was suddenly fighting the lethargy of having eaten as much as he could possibly consume. His stomach gurgled uneasily. 

Maybe it was lair time.

“Yeah. Sure. Let’s do that.” Bucky stood up and staggered for a second as his stomach cramped hard. He swallowed it down. He was a super soldier. Everything was fine. He just wasn’t used to food yet, that was all. 

Within moments, they were back at the lair. The strobing green light and twist of space did Barnes no favors. Pain lanced up his torso and his stomach gave a lurch. He staggered into the couch, doubled over in pain. Food and bile rose in his throat. He tried to swallow it back, but all he managed to do was slow its advance.

A strong hand grabbed him by the arm and hauled him upright. Years of hard earned instinct had Barnes flipping a blade into his flesh hand, but he held off from actually stabbing anything. Barely. 

“This way, and quickly please.” Loki hustled him into the guest bathroom just in time for Barnes to fall to his knees and vomit into the toilet. 

He retched until he felt like he’d thrown up all of his internal organs, without even pause to breathe properly. There was only room for gasping around, and sometimes through, bouts of heaving. Just when he thought he might be done, like he’d finally thrown up even the thought of food, he started vomiting up bile. 

As miserable as that was, it wasn’t even the worst that Barnes had ever felt. Not even close. But it did put him in an awfully shitty mood. 

All that delicious dim sum. Gone. 

Barnes wanted to sulk, but he was too busy dry heaving.

When the vomiting finally tapered off, Barnes let his cheek rest on his arm, which was still clutching the rim of the toilet. Sweat had soaked through his shirt and the lair’s air conditioning was an unimaginable delight. His eyesight blurred and his throat burned like he’d been guzzling battery acid. 

A glass of water was sitting next to him on the sink. When he finally got enough energy to look around the room, he spied Loki leaning against the door jamb.

“So. I get to choose next time?” Loki grinned widely. 

“Oh my god, I think I hate you,” Barnes groaned, and reached for the water. Loki cackled. 

_Jesus fucking Christ, this guy has to be a villain. He’s got the damn laugh down_ , Barnes thought petulantly while he guzzled down the cool liquid. 

Before Barnes could throw the empty glass at him, Loki wandered down the hall. He returned a few minutes later with a fresh stack of towels and another pile of clothes. This was about the time that Barnes realized that there were bits of vomit in his hair and down the front of his shirt. He’d been so focused on getting his stomach empty again that he’d completely missed the fact that he’d gotten it all over himself. 

He shuddered.

He’d been sick like this before. It was something from Hydra, though what exactly, he wasn’t sure. The sting of stomach acid and the awful emptiness were the same. 

Before he could get lost in his own head, there was an obnoxious hissing sound next to him. Then the awful pungent smell of oranges filled the air. He turned to stare at Loki, who was standing as far away from Barnes as he could while still being close enough to spray the room down with some kind of air freshener. 

“Are you even fucking kidding me right now?” Barnes couldn’t believe the balls on this guy. What a dick. 

All he got was a sneer in return. “I assure you, I am not.” Loki let loose with another heavy spray of orange, this time directly towards Barnes.

“Arrrgg, go!” Barnes threw one of the hand towels at him, and dragged himself up to standing. There was more cackling as he slammed the door in Loki’s face.

_Asshole_.

\--

After yet another shower, this time a much longer, hotter one, Barnes dressed again in fresh clothes and wandered into the guest bedroom. 

The bed wasn’t very soft, but the comforter covering it was. He ran a hand over it, observing how his fingers made trails in the plush blue fabric. The whole room was decorated in blues and greys. Pillows piled up in excess near the head of the bed, and a comfortable looking arm chair graced the corner of the room. A small wooden writing desk and chair sat along one wall, next to a matching dresser. There was what Barnes assumed was a closet door off to the side, next to an armoire. 

Curiosity got the better of him, and he started poking around in the drawers. The first time he’d been through the lair, it was just a quick run through to check locks, sight lines, and most probable bug spots. The place had turned up clean, though at the time Barnes thought he might do a more thorough inspection later. 

Now he was dressed again in brand new, perfectly fitted clothes, and he was starting to wonder what else Loki had bought for him.

The dresser proved to be filled with staple clothes. Comfortable long sleeve shirts, pants, socks, and undershirts. The underwear drawer was…

Well it certainly was interesting. There was a fair selection of briefs and boxers, all in dark, solid colors. But there were also a wide variety of lingerie. 

Barnes stared for a moment, jaw dropped. 

_No,_ he thought. _Best not to react. That’s what Loki wants._

He stepped away and tried not to think about how all the colors were ones that would compliment his skin tone. 

The armoire was filled with dress clothes of various kinds. Nice slacks, button up shirts, suit jackets. In each of the drawers was a collection of all the regular accessories that went with those clothes; belts, shoes, ties, handkerchiefs. There was even a small drawer filled with jewelry. Tie pins and cufflinks as well as rings and necklaces. 

Loki sure was thorough. Not to mention a clothes horse, to boot. No way could Barnes imagine wearing any of this. 

But if the drawers were all the day to day clothes, and the armoire was filled with dress clothes, what was in the closet? Barnes couldn’t remember checking it in his first run through of the lair. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember even seeing a closet door there. 

He fumbled around inside the closet for a light switch. When it finally came on, Barnes nearly dropped to his knees in awe. 

“LOKI! Fuck whatever it was I said earlier, I LOVE YOU!” he yelled, not even bothering to go open the bedroom door to be heard. 

Because inside that closet was paradise. 

Weapons. All the weapons that Barnes could ever dream of, short of a ballistic missile cluster. Knives, daggers, axes, and swords, _there were swords_. Guns of all kinds. Small arms, rifles, both for hunting and military grade. 

There was even his favorite, the Barrett M82A1M; .50 rounds in a ten round magazine, easy flip bipod support arms, and a long range scope already attached. Barnes trailed his metal fingers over the it, gently caressing the fluted barrel. He hated what he was forced to do with this gun, but he loved the gun itself. The weight of it. How hot the metal felt on his skin after he’d held it for hours on end, waiting for a shot. It was solid in his arms, a firm reminder that never failed to keep him focused on the task at hand, whatever that might be. 

Barnes felt the completely irrational urge to just carry the damn thing around with him, like a blanket. Truth be told, he’d definitely get more mileage out of the gun than he would the blanket, any day. He glanced over that the cases of bullets carefully stored in a shelf next to it. 

_Later_ , he promised himself. 

In the meantime, he had a whole inventory to look through. There was not telling what other goodies Loki had set aside for him.

\--

Loki heard Barnes’ yell from the other room and grinned. Warriors were so easy to please. Clearly food wasn’t the path to Barnes’ heart, and Loki had seen no evidence that women were either. So, weapons were his next best guess. If that hadn’t worked, Loki might have had to investigate more unusual pleasure, but it seemed that wasn’t needed.

Satisfaction curled up inside of him. 

No doubt Barnes would be occupied for some time looking over his new toys. Loki turned on the kettle and set up a cup of tea. With someone else in the apartment, it wasn’t even worth it to try and get to sleep. He might as well rest in comfort in the sitting room and plow his way through another book. 

Another terrible book. Why were midgardians so dim? Though, perhaps looking for magical know-how was a lost cause in a realm where, until very recently anyways, people were burned for being spell crafters. 

He sighed and opened up yet another tome, this one on various rare herbs. At the very least, Loki could attempt to find those which were analogous to what he was familiar with from Asgard. 

Many hours and several pages of notes later, Barnes emerged from his bedroom to collapse down onto the couch adjacent to Loki’s sitting chair. 

Loki rubbed his eyes, and cast a glance out of the window. The moon was setting in the distance and the air had a heaviness that only came in the wee hours of the night. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” Barnes asked. “Or don’t sleep?”

Tempting as it was to lie, it likely wasn’t worth the effort. Loki shrugged. “A bit of both, probably.”

To Loki’s vast surprise, Barnes was not covered from neck to knee in weapons. Certainly there were a few more hidden carefully under his clothes, but not nearly as many as Loki as guessed there might be. Still, it tickled something inside of Loki to know that he guessed his guest’s likes so accurately.

“And you?” Loki asked.

“Pfft. Sleep. Who sleeps?” Barnes tried to smile, but the expression looked pained. He shifted in place and the metal arm twitched. 

They sat in silence for a while, as the night slowly moved around them. 

“So why aren’t you with your brother?” Barnes finally asked. “That’s probably kind of rude, but I think most of my manners got burnt out back in the 50’s and 60’s.”

Bile filled up Loki’s mouth. He swallowed it down. “Likely for the same reasons you are not near your captain. It is better for everyone if he continues to think I am dead.” He cast a narrow eyed stare at Barnes. “Is that not so?”

“...Yeah. I guess.” Barnes frowned. “But you’re trying to get me to turn myself in. Ask for the Avenger’s good justice and go break Steve’s h-- head again.” Loki narrowed his eyes at the stutter, but Barnes plowed on. “So what’s the big difference between us? Why don’t you go see him? Thor, I mean.”

Foul laughter clawed its way out of Loki’s throat, and he tossed his head back to stare at the ceiling. “Because, Barnes. You are still redeemable, and I am not. Not now, nor ever.”

Barnes snorted in amusement. “Well that’s a crock of shit. Irredeemable people don’t go around trying to reintegrate assassins into society. They go try to commit genocide or something. And I’ll tell you what, I am seeing a surprising lack of bodies around this place. And you call it a secret lair.” He scoffed. 

Loki dropped his eyes to glare down his nose at Barnes. “I have tried genocide. More than once, if you consider the Dark Elves, though I think Thor might actually get the crown on that task.” His lips twisted unpleasantly. “As he does with all things. But I’m afraid I couldn’t quite cut it. Only _near_ genocidal slaughters for me.”

Bitter, poisonous hatred filled him up. Everything had gone so wrong. He tried to do his best, and that failed and he was decried as a monster. A _monster_. Like the ones he’d tried to save his people from. Exactly like them, as it turned out. And then there were the humans. Filled with war and disease and poverty. He could have changed that for them.

Not that the Other would have let him, Loki was forced to admit. After what they’d done to prime him for the invasion of Earth, in retrospect it seemed like pure folly that they’d had any good intentions at all. They only needed the Tesseract, and fed Loki whatever lies they wanted until he was ready to serve. 

He thought he could rule, that he was raised and trained to do so. But it was all just more lies. He’d never been anything but a monster.

“Eh, well. That happens,” Barnes said, cutting into his train of thought. “Pretty sure the Insight Carriers count as a genocide, if they’d actually been allowed to work.” He looked Loki up and down. “But you want to see Thor, regardless.”

“You know, I honestly couldn’t tell you.” Loki’s eyebrows furrowed as he considered it. 

Barnes just nodded and stood up. “Alright. We got ourselves a deal then.”

“Wait, what? What deal?” Loki found himself rising as well, trailing after Barnes as he wandered into the kitchen.

“You wanna get me back to hanging out with my Steve. I mean, with Steve and the Avengers. Fine. I get to return the favor. We’ll get you talking to your brother again.” He shot a finger gun at Loki, and then opened the fridge. “Fuck, there’s nothing in here. Do you ever eat anything but espresso and tea?”

“You misunderstand. I do not want to see my brother. He would not want to see me. We would likely end up fighting to the death, or at the very least I would be thrown in prison for the next several thousand years.” Loki crossed his arms in irritation.

“Yup. Same here. Prison. Fight to the death. Don’t wanna. All that.” Barnes poked through the empty shelves and made a face.

Put it like that, and Barnes was actually right. Not that Loki was willing to admit it. “But your captain actually wants to see you.”

“I bet your brother wants to see you too,” Barnes replied with perfect logic. 

Loki’s mouth dropped open as he tried to come up with a suitable response. “There is no way this will end well,” he finally said.

“Now you’re getting how I feel about all this.” Barnes smirked. “But I guess it just sucks to be us.”

In the end, Loki couldn’t argue with that at all. 

\--


	3. Chapter 3

Barnes cradled a hot cup of tea in his hands and slumped on the couch. After reaching their sort-of deal, he and Loki both ended up just laying around in the sitting room. Well, Barnes was laying around. Loki went back to his book and his notes.

It was quiet. Not quite peaceful, but calm at least. Barnes could still hear the city very faintly beneath them, could stand up and see the busy streets below if he went to the window and looked. 

Mostly he just sat there, trying not to think.

The hot cup of tea was a nice improvement to his regular sitting-and-staring routine. He took sips sparingly. Mostly it was there to warm him up, cup cuddled close to his chest so that the heat soaked into his bones as much as possible. Whenever the water got too cold, he’d pour it out and heat up another cup. 

By about the eighth cup, the sun was up above the horizon and Loki had finally stopped scribbling in his notepad. He looked up and his eyebrows hit his hairline when he saw Barnes sitting on the couch.

“Still here?” Loki asked, his tone carrying only a little bit of surprise. 

“Well you know my schedule is so full now days,” Barnes replied dryly. 

Loki nodded, lips pursed. He studied the rug for a few minutes. 

Barnes sipped his tea. It tasted like grass. The fuck was this shit? Didn’t matter. It was warm. He sipped it again.

“So...what was the plan here?” Barnes eventually asked. “You were gonna come find me, clean me up, and what? Just drop me off at Avengers Tower?”

“Basically.” Loki shrugged. “It seemed the simplest way. But that went about as well as all the rest of my plans do.” He huffed out a laugh, and waved at Barnes. 

A smirk stretched across Barnes’ face and he shrugged with his right shoulder. His left still felt like he’d been hit with a sledge hammer, but the long, hot shower did seem to loosen things up a little bit.

They sat in silence. 

Loki started to _hmmm_ to himself, and Barnes was alarmed to see a speculative look in his eye. “You know, we should probably work on the whole eating thing.” 

Ah yes. Because Loki was trying to fix him, because he was bored. Since Barnes had just spend several hours in silence, staring at the wall, maybe the boredom excuse had something to it. 

When he was sitting in alleyways, he’d been trying to turn his brain off, think of nothing. He’d mostly succeeded. But now that there was someone else there, constantly moving around, making him _think_ , it was much harder to keep himself blank. Thoughts and memories kept popping up, and his body itched to move.

“Well, you get to pick this time. I guess. Or we could try to cook? Seems like a waste to eat out all the time.” Barnes raised an eyebrow at Loki. He considered the fact that the last time he actually cooked something was sometime in World War II, and had involved canned meat. Then there was Loki, who as far as his limited briefing from Hydra was concerned, was probably an alien of some kind. Who knows what the fuck he would come up with.

Loki must have been thinking something similar, because he grimaced. 

“Right. Eating out it is,” Barnes said. He waved a hand at Loki. “Where to?”

Loki grinned and stood up. With a wave of one hand, green shimmering light flowed over him and he was dressed primly in a black suit with green accents. “If there’s one thing this country does well, it’s breakfast. Come on, I know a place.”

Barnes shrugged. What the hell, why not?

\--

“Eat slowly this time,” Loki said from across the table. 

Barnes flipped him the bird, and then focused on his massive plate of pancakes. A mountain of fruit and fresh made whip cream covered them, and a whole, tiny glass pitcher of syrup off to the side, all for him. 

Just looking at it made his mouth water and his stomach cramp in pain, but after last night he was a little gun shy. He started adding sugar to his coffee to buy himself some time. It needed to be a little sweeter anyways.

Loki was right. Barnes knew that Loki was right. He just needed to eat slowly, and everything would be fine. 

He stalled a little longer.

“So. Sitting around the lair is boring,” he said. Loki raised an eyebrow at him and took a bite of poached egg. “Also, you really need to make your lair more lair-like.”

“It’s a penthouse, not a lair.” Loki gave Barnes a look, and then took a sip of his tea. “Also, what possibly could be improved?”

Barnes poked at a strawberry, rolling it around on his plate a bit before finally spearing it with his fork and shoving it in his mouth. Sweet, tart goodness flooded his senses for a moment, forcing a little _hng,_ out of him. It didn’t even make his stomach turn once he swallowed. Fuck. Loki was gonna gloat about this. “Have you considered buying a house plant?” 

All he got back was an evil stare. He snickered a bit. 

“If you want a pet plant, we can get one. I hear naming them is very beneficial.” Loki looked so sweetly sincere that Barnes knew he had to be giving him shit.

Yeah, he’ll call that bluff.

“Good. Next stop is a plant shop.” Barnes was gratified to see the nonplused look on Loki’s face.

“Very well.” Loki pointed a fork at Barnes’ plate. “Eat. _Slowly._ ”

\--

They looked around at shelf upon shelf of greenery. 

“No. None of these...these… these _weeds_ need enter my home,” Loki said with a sneer. 

Barnes grabbed a leaf and gently rubbed it between his fingers. It certainly was green. “I don’t think they’d sell weeds.” He was pretty sure, anyways. Not that he actually knew a damn thing about plants.

“They do, and here they are.” Loki waved a hand around, encompassing the whole garden center with the gesture.

An older woman wandered by with a cart full of fragrant smelling flats of greenery, and gave them both the side-eye as she passed. Barnes pretended to take a closer look, ducking his head farther down into his hood. That seemed to do the trick, because her eyes quickly slid past him and landed right on Loki. Whatever expression he had on his face was enough to send her shuffling faster down the aisle and into the main building. 

“I think they have some vegetables over there.” Little flickers of memory popped up. Something about shitty apartment housing and windowsill gardens. Herbs and the odd tomato or pepper plant. That might be nice. Give the lair a lived in feel. “Too bad your lair doesn’t have a deck or something. We could grow our own food.” 

There was something about that idea that appealed to him. 

“I’ll take that under advisement,” Loki said dryly. “And it’s not a lair, it’s a penthouse.”

“Whatever.” He wandered over to the hanging baskets.

There was a deep, pained sigh behind him, but Loki followed. 

\--

They ended up making several stops, since Loki insisted on getting his own ‘more appropriate’ plants. Barnes had no idea what the fuck they were, but they certainly smelled weird. Just in case, he set up his own little cherry tomato basket and tiny herb garden far away from Loki’s collection. 

Once that was done, it was like all the energy Barnes had just fled right out of him. Without a word he retreated to his gun closet, and crouched in a corner with his face in his arms. 

Talking with someone all day, going out and seeing people, doing stuff...it was a lot. Why should he even bother anyways? Everything he touched turned to shit. 

Dark thoughts swirled in his head and time passed. 

Sitting amid all the weapons was an improvement over the alleyways, at least. He felt safer there, surrounded by enough ordinance to blow up or plow through a small army.

When he finally came back to himself, his legs had cramped up and his stomach was again twisted into painful knots. Just for the hell of it, he switched out some of the weapons he had hidden on his person. Changed up some of the knives. Added in a different side arm.

Then he spent an hour soaking in another hot shower. The gentle patter of the fancy ceiling mounted shower head was more like standing in a heavy rain than anything else, and Barnes found he enjoyed it immensely. Now that he’d gotten used to being clean again, he found that his whole body itched to keep up with general grooming and care and he spent another half hour doing just that. 

His facial hair had grown a bit long. He couldn’t remember when he’d shaved it last, though he must have been doing it semi-regularly. One of the drawers had some safety razors, so he got to work getting that into check. The long hair he kept as it was. Just the idea of getting anything like sheers near his neck made his left arm recalibrate and twitch. 

Looking at himself in the bathroom mirror brought back visions of a younger him. All in all, he hadn’t really changed much. Same face. Same bone structure. Same eyes. But he still felt like he looked so damn different. 

A totally different person. 

He shook the thought off and got dressed, adding in a few more knives as he did so. 

_Maybe going with Loki wasn’t a bad idea_ , he mused as he put on a fresh set of clothes. 

When he walked into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea, he was greeted with, “Oh look, you’re still alive. Delightful.” Loki leaned over the kitchen island, face leaning on one fist. He was in dark purple today, but no vest this time. Just a button up shirt with its sleeves rolled up.

Barnes raised an eyebrow at him and dropped a tea ball into his cup. “It’s been, what?” He looked out the window to gauge the time of day. “Three hours? Four?”

“It’s been two days,” Loki said flatly. 

“Oh.” Barnes blinked. That explained the cramped legs. “I guess it’s time to eat again, then, huh. I get to choose this time.”

“Indeed.” Loki nodded, but made no move to get up. “I’ve been considering things, and I think we need to work on getting you more social. We should attempt social activities.”

A short bark of laughter shot out of Barnes. “Yeah. That’s gonna be great,” he said sarcastically. “What, are you nuts?”

“Probably.” That was said so matter of factly that it made Barnes pause. He sipped his drink, brow furrowed, and reviewed his experiences of the last few days. Yeah, there was a good chance Loki wasn’t running on all cylinders. Not that Barnes could complain, he wasn’t really the picture of mental health either. 

But, well, what the fuck. Why not? 

“Alright. Now, knowing that I’m probably gonna have a flashback or a psychotic episode if shit goes sideways, what did you have in mind?”

A slow, evil smile curled across Loki’s face. “I’m so glad you asked.”

_Shit._

\--

“Go. Say it,” Loki hissed at him, and pushed him towards the mic. 

“No, I don’t want to say it.” Barnes tried to shove the little piece of paper back at him. He also, very valiantly he thought, did _not_ stab Loki. “There are people.”

“Of course there are people, this is a poetry reading.” Loki rolled his eyes and gently shoved him again. “One must have someone to read to for it to be a reading. I picked out a good one for you, now _go_.” 

Barnes dug in his heels. “No. Fuck this.” 

He was just about to squirm out of Loki’s grip when Loki said, “They have a prize for the best reading. A free month’s supply of coffee. I want it. But look at this crowd.” He turned Barnes towards the small audience. There couldn’t have been more than a dozen people there at the cafe, scattered around at little tables, sipping hot drinks and eating baked goods. 

“Yes. People. Which is exactly why I don’t want to do this.” Barnes pushed himself backwards. Any normal human would have been bowled over, but Loki stood firm behind him, steadily pushing forward. 

Stalemate. 

“What I mean is, this is the perfect crowd for you.” Loki cast a furtive glance at the other patrons. There was an odd gleam in his eyes and a weird almost-smile that made Barnes uneasy. “Look at them. Trendy clothing, artful even, but not name brand. Nothing name brand. Handmade scarves. Tattoos. Specialty drinks. These are people who both want to love an underdog, but also appreciate high craftsmanship. Which means you, with all of your warrior’s prowess,” he flicked his gaze up and down Barnes’ body, “as well as a warrior’s simple tastes, they will see you and sympathize. They will be like putty in your hands.”

Barnes pushed back harder. This earned him a tiny grunt in response as Loki put up a second hand on his back to stop him. “Yes,” Barnes said, dropping his voice to a low whisper. “And the second someone recognizes me, they call the police. Or worse, any one of the dozen international agencies looking for me.”

“Oh, please, James, don’t sell yourself short. You have far more than just twelve looking for you.” Loki tilted his head and smirked at him.

“ _Exactly my point_ , Jesus fucking Christ! I don’t want to have to murder my way out of here,” he hissed back. One of his hands already found the hilt of a knife in his jacket pocket, but so far it didn’t look like anyone was paying attention to him.

“As if I would allow us to be caught,” Loki said with a scoff. “If anyone comes near you, I’ll simply teleport us away. Or I can cast an illusion on you. Very publicly fake your death, or some such nonsense. That works far better than you might expect, by the way.” 

Barnes pulled on his knife, but Loki’s hand was at his elbow, keeping the blade covered. It wasn’t a serious attempt. If it was, Loki would already be bleeding on the shitty rug. Mostly it was just a manifestation of his anxiety. He _did not want_ to go read poetry.

“As if that fucking makes it better.” Each word was forced through gritted teeth. “Right now Steve knows I’m alive. If he thinks I’m dead, again, it’ll fucking kill him all over again. Just because I don’t want to see the guy doesn’t mean I want to fucking rake him through the coals.”

Finally, he felt a little give. He shrugged out of Loki’s grip and glared. Admitting that he cared about how Steve was doing was hard. It shouldn’t have been. Just a few words from the man had been enough to break him out of decades of brainwashing and mind wipes. It was obvious that he cared. 

It hurt to actually say it though.

“Alright,” Loki said quietly. “No faking your death, unless you agree to do it at a later date. But! Look around at their cups. Look at those drinks.”

He saw them he couldn’t help but see them. Hell, they had cups of their own, since they both got drinks when they walked in. Barnes had gotten something with so much sugar he was shocked it was still in liquid form. He licked his lips at the memory of it.

“They’re just cups, Loki.” Now he was just confused. 

Loki nodded. “Yes, but they are cups filled with drinks just like the one you just enjoyed. You could have many more, as often as you wanted, on the house even. All you need is to read the poem.”

What the fuck. He turned to fully stare at Loki. “Are you seriously bribing me with coffee?”

The maniacal grin he got in return was a bit unsettling. “It’s a perfect plan. You go over there and be your sad, attractive self. I’ll even add a few illusioned tears, just to make things go over all the better. Trust me, the people here will eat it up. And then we get free food and drinks! What’s not to like?” He looked honestly a little confused.

There was something to Loki’s features, a kind of glee that Barnes hadn’t really seen yet out of him. That’s when he remembered that Loki was supposed to be a God of Mischief, and here were these people with a free give-away. 

Barnes took a breath. 

If swindling his way into free caffeine was the grand goal of Loki’s scheming, Barnes had to admit there were probably worse things. But he did not have to like it, nor did he have to be graceful about being involved. 

“No to the illusions,” he said finally. Loki glared at him, lips almost but not quite curling into a feral bearing of teeth. Well, he could be pissy all he wanted, but Barnes hated people messing with him. “And wait, you think I’m attractive?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Barnes, everyone with eyes thinks you’re attractive. Fear not, your virtue is safe with me.” Then he sort of wobbled his head back and forth, like he was internally debating that statement. Which was alarming, to say the least. “Well, in the sense that I’ve no interest in bedding you. I’m definitely interested in using your many attractive virtues to winning us some free drinks.” And now the shark grin was back. 

Of course. 

But while their argument had dialed down in intensity, Barnes had eased up his stance. Now instead of actively pushing against each other, they were simply standing around. 

This proved to be a tactical error, because Loki shoved him towards the now-empty stage area. Hard. To the point where he stumbled into the mic. 

He bared his teeth back at Loki in a feral snarl. Then he realized all eyes were on him. He coughed out a weak laugh or two and tried to smile. 

It didn’t feel like he was smiling. It felt more like his face was breaking. But he did have everyone’s attention.

Barnes sat heavily on the stool and thought of ways to get Loki back for this. He looked at the poem in his hand, and suddenly the urge to stab Loki increased tenfold. This probably wasn’t a surprise to Loki, because when Barnes looked over, his teeth gritted into a grim promise, Loki’s shark smile just grew that much wider. 

But walking out now would just make more of a scene, and the last thing Barnes wanted was for people to remember him.

_Bastard. I’m gonna fucking kill him._

He took a slow breath and calmed his heart. This was just like sniping. Only the person he was going to shoot wouldn’t get that bullet until later tonight. 

“Uh. Hi,” he said into the mic. At least the crowd was small. All those eyes on him made him nervous. His fingers itched to be holding a gun. He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry as a bone. “I’m, um, kind of nervous. I...don’t really do well with people anymore.” He looked around the room nervously, searching for hostile faces, but all he got were a few nods and encouraging smiles. He licked his lips and clutched the little piece of paper. “This is Never give all the heart, by W. B. Yeats:

 

Never give all the heart, for love  
Will hardly seem worth thinking of  
To passionate women if it seem  
Certain, and they never dream  
That it fades out from kiss to kiss;  
For everything that’s lovely is  
But a brief, dreamy, kind delight.  
O never give the heart outright,  
For they, for all smooth lips can say,  
Have given their hearts up to the play.  
And who could play it well enough  
If deaf and dumb and blind with love?  
He that made this knows all the cost,  
For he gave all his heart and lost.”

 

As he read, something in the poem struck him. He’d given all of his heart, once. And oh did he lose. Everything, forever. The words didn’t quite apply to him, but they struck close to something true as he said them. 

Steve loved him like a brother, Barnes was sure. That should have been enough. It should have.

But it wasn’t, and it hurt. A hard scab had grown over his heart. He’d built it year after year, doing his best to give his friend everything while still reminding himself that someone else could come by at any minute and take it all away. 

Like Peggy. God, she was beautiful. More than a match for Steve, that was for sure. And Barnes saw how Steve looked at her. Anyone could see it, the spark that flew between them. As much as he...he _loved_ Steve, he wouldn’t have stood in their way. 

As he spoke the words, it all came back and his heart bled anew. This was part of why he stayed away, he realized. Not just because he wanted to be alone, though he did. And not just because he didn’t want to hurt Steve anymore, because he didn’t. But also because he didn’t want to hurt himself anymore either. To feel the glorious burn of Steve’s boundless will and energy, but be unable, unworthy, to reach out and try to take hold.

Tears burned at the corners of his eyes, and he found himself barely making out the last line. There was a heavy silence afterwards. After three full breaths, the room erupted into applause, startling Barnes up out of the stool. 

Right. The crowd. The stupid poetry reading. 

He retreated quickly back to the wall where Loki stood, beaming at him.

“Well done, Barnes. Very well done.” Loki clapped him on the back. 

Barnes stealthily shoved a knife into Loki’s side. He made sure the arm of his jacket covered up the blade, and put just enough pressure on it to pierce through all the layers of clothes and prick the skin. “You’re a dick,” he whispered.

“Perhaps,” Loki said with a happy shrug, totally ignoring the knife at his side. Which was extremely frustrating. It was really hard to intimidate someone who just didn’t care if they got stabbed. “But now I’m a dick with a month’s worth of free coffee. And you are too, by the way.” Loki waggled his eyebrows at Barnes. 

With a sigh, Barnes resheathed his knife. It wasn’t even worth it if Loki didn’t react. “How would you even know? They still all have to vote for me.”

“Come now,” Loki said, and lead him back to the counter. “You did splendidly. Such feeling! It brought a tear to my eye, truly. I was not the only one, either.”

_Asshole better be buying me another drink_ , Barnes thought sullenly. He looked over the menu taped to the countertop and pointed at the most sugar laden thing he could find. Turns out that was a chocolate caramel frappuccino with a triple shot of espresso. With whip cream. 

Loki ordered that as well as a plate of cookies and steered them both back to an empty corner table. He even left the corner seat open for Barnes, which was grudgingly appreciated.   
After a few sips of his drink and a nibble on a cookie, Barnes looked Loki dead in the eye. The smugness practically radiated off of him. 

“You rigged the votes,” Barnes finally said.

“I rigged the votes.” Loki grinned. 

Barnes took another small bite of cookie. It wasn’t terrible, and it had none of the chemicals that he could smell on other, more processed foods. 

“Why did you want to give me illusion tears, then, if you’d already rigged the votes? What would be the point?”

“To see if you’d let me do it.” Loki shrugged, unrepentant. A little smile still tugged at his lips.

_Of fucking course_.

Barnes sighed.

\--

“Why are we here?” Loki asked, incredulous. 

“It’s my turn to choose food, and I choose this,” came the low reply.

‘This’ was a farmer’s market, bustling with people of all types. Little tents and folding tables were all lined up in rows along the street, spilling into a nearby park. People sold everything from plants to foods to handmade trinkets. Children ran around the stalls, eating food samples while their parents haggled for goods. 

Barnes blended right in with the crowd, his hood pulled up and his backpack fastened securely to his back. It took more of Loki’s attention than he wanted to admit to keep the man in his sight. In the end, he’d ended up staying nearly glued to Barnes’ side, just a half step behind him. 

Where Barnes blended in with his dark colors and secretive gaze, Loki stood out like a sore thumb. He wasn’t the only one wearing a three piece suit at the market, this was New York City after all, but he was the best looking one. 

Normally, he enjoyed such attention, but here he felt out of his element. No one was impressed by how nicely he was dressed. Once he took a moment to think about it, he realized he’d not gotten much notice anywhere in the city. 

For all intents and purposes, no one seemed to care who he was or how he looked. 

At first, this nettled him. Loki _liked_ to be seen and appreciated. But in fairly short order he saw the appeal on anonymity. There were no judging glances cast his way. No expectations. No recriminations. 

It suddenly struck him how wise Barnes was to stay here, right under the Avengers noses. He’d thought it was because of sentiment, and Heimdall's words surely led him to think that was the sole reason for Barnes staying here. But the ease with with anyone could disappear into the throngs had to be a contributing factors. 

Well, he knew Barnes wasn’t stupid to begin with. Surely not as smart as Loki, but not an idiot either. 

They stopped briefly at a fruit vendor. Barnes picked out a few different kinds of fruit and began bargaining with the older gentleman behind the stand while Loki stood around awkwardly. The fruits looked… fine. Fruit like. Probably eatable. 

He huffed in frustration.

“Barnes, why are we here?” he asked. Barnes handed over a few bills and carefully slipped the plastic bags of fruit into his backpack. “We could have any produce you wanted delivered. Why should we have to go gather it ourselves?”

“What? And pay all that money when we can just walk down the street?” Barnes side-eyed Loki and shook his head. “Besides, there are other things we need here. And you said I should socialize. Look.” He waved a hand. “Me, socializing. Happy?”

“You don’t even like people,” Loki said stubbornly.

“I don’t like people watching at me,” Barnes replied. “I don’t mind at all having a crowd I can disappear into. Come on, we’ve got more stuff to pick up.”

The longer the walked, the more items Barnes picked up. Loki was long past even caring what they got. He was simply anxious to be gone. Everything they looked at was duller than the next. 

Hand bags made out of duct tape. 

Twenty different flavors of pureed peas.

Tie dyed baby onesies. 

Hand crafted rings.

_Wait, what now?_

When Barnes found him more than a half hour later, Loki was in a spirited haggling session with a punk teenager. 

“Look bro, each one of these amulets has been individually blessed by a Peruvian shaman. The stones were gathered, by hand, from a secret gem mine in the Catskills.” The youth flipped her rainbow colored hair back with a flick of her head. If it were styled, it would probably stand straight up like a fabulous bird crest, but as it was it hung lankly off to the side.

There was a good chance that the teen’s claims were valid. Loki could feel how energetically charged each crystal was. 

But there was no way Loki was going to admit that. 

He scoffed at her, and raised a withering eyebrow. “Please. You dug each of these out of a recycle bin. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were just glass. The design is somewhat pleasing though, if a bit crude. I’d be willing to give you five dollars each for these rings.”

“Five dollars!” She practically screeched the words. “The fuck do you think you’re talking to? These are worth at least three hundred a piece! Just for your bullshit, I should charge you four hundred.”

As upset as she sounded, Loki had been driving bargains for longer than humans had been inhabiting this little island. He could tell she wasn’t truly upset. Well, perhaps a little, but mostly she was playing her part in the haggling game. Loki fought to keep the grin off of his face, and instead looked critically at the bailing on one of the rings. 

“Ridiculous. These are worth, maybe twenty dollars, and I’m doing you a favor.”

There was a shifting behind Loki. A quick glance proved that it was Barnes, laden with bags, and smirking. When Loki caught his eye, Barnes just made a little ‘carry on’ gesture, and Loki got back to his haggling.

It took another twenty minutes, but Loki was able to secure a wonderful deal on several new rings. All were quality metal with large, clear stones. 

He hummed with satisfaction and they made their way out of the crowds. 

“You have a fun time?” Barnes asked. There was only a hint of smug amusement in his voice. Loki appreciated the restraint. Still, it rankled to admit that this turned into an interesting trip. 

“At least something of interest came out of it,” he finally admitted.

“Uh huh.” 

Loki furrowed his brow. “By the way, where did you get all of your cash? You were literally a hobo not more than a few days ago.”

Barnes shrugged. “I stole it from you. Thanks, by the way.” He hefted his shopping bags, and gave Loki a little grin.

As much as Loki wanted to be irritated, mostly he was just impressed. 

\--


	4. Chapter 4

When they arrived back at the penthouse, Barnes immediately got to work doing...whatever the hell it was he was doing. 

Loki stook back and watched for a bit. At least until boredom creeped up on him. Then he went back to his herbalism book. Just opening up the pages reminded him that he now was the dubiously proud owner of several potted plants, and that they probably needed tending. 

The species he picked up were a bit temperamental, but he thought they might in time because suitable for replacement components in several common spells. It hadn’t really occurred to him to start his own collection, but once Barnes mentioned it he saw the value. By mutual agreement, they kept their plants separate. The last thing Loki wanted was Barnes mucking about with his components, not to mention Barnes might have a very bad day if he decided to put any of them into his food as seasoning. 

Most of the plants ended up on either side of the wall of windows in the sitting room area. So while Loki watered and trimmed dead material, he could hear Barnes hammering away behind him. 

By the time he was done curating his little garden, Barnes had apparently finished with his first project and had already disappeared into his room. Loki didn’t really expect to see their front door freshly equipped with not one, but two drop bars, but he wasn’t really surprised. 

The penthouse of course had magical defenses. Loki would not have slept there otherwise. Still, he supposed a drop bar or two couldn’t hurt.

He went back to his book. 

Hours later, and well into the dark of night, Barnes wandered back out and collapsed into the corner of the couch, a spot Loki was quickly starting to think of as ‘his’ spot. 

“Well, it’s not finished, but I made good headway today,” Barnes said as soon as Loki looked up.

It took a moment for that to filter through. “Good headway with what?”

“Turning the extra room into a training area.”

“ _What._ ” The extra room was where Loki had started to build up his library. 

“Don’t even try to put up an act.” Barnes rolled his eyes. “I know you’ve got to have a secret, special book stash in your room, just like I’ve got a weapons stash in mine. There’s too much space between the walls off to one side for there to be nothing there. Anything you don’t want in there can come out into the parlor.” He waved a hand at the room they were sitting in.

As much as it annoyed him to admit it, Barnes was right. Again. Loki did have a secret work room, hidden away by illusion. That didn’t mean he liked his other things being moved around. 

“Who gave you the right to move these things around?” Loki said, his voice a low dangerous purr. Magic tingled up his spine, wanting to get free.

Barnes simply rolled his eyes. “You’re the one who brought me here. The lair was lacking, so I fixed things up. Don’t worry, I didn’t mess with your room.” He cast a side-eye towards Loki. “You might wanna consider letting me, though. A few extra safeguards couldn’t hurt.”

While Loki agreed on principle, the idea that he might need any additional help defending their resting place was ridiculous. Not to mention the whole idea of having anyone in the room where he slept made his jaw ache with tension. Not that Loki had slept since Barnes joined him anyways. Probably an unwise move, but not one he could control just at that moment. 

He’d find a time to sleep. Later.

“Oh, please.” Loki rolled his eyes. “As if I would stay anywhere that wasn’t safeguarded.”

“I figured,” Barnes said with a shrug. “But, again, it couldn’t hurt to have a few more. You never know what might be coming for you.”

“Everyone, potentially.” There wasn’t any beating around the bush with that. It was easier to name off the list of people who wouldn’t be interested in attacking them than those who would. 

But it was also true that if it became widely known that either Loki or Barnes were staying there, they would most certainly come under attack. Secrecy was their best defense at this point. Perhaps Barnes had a point. 

Still. The idea of anyone being in the room where Loki was most vulnerable… 

He ground his teeth and refused to think about it. Getting rest was hard enough without considering someone mucking about with his bed.

It was about then that Loki realized that Barnes had completely moved the conversation on from what he’d done to the extra room. _Clever tactic. Diverting attention away from a controversial point to a less arguable one, moving the conversation along before the opponent can properly object. I wonder where he learned that one._ Loki had to admit, it was well done.

Not that Loki was going to let it go.

“And why would we need a training room again? Are you planning on continuing your previous rampages?” The glare that Barnes gave Loki could have boiled glass. But Loki was no wilting flower. He’d killed and maimed. Even before he’d had his unfortunate stint as King of Asgard, or his even less successful run as a minion of the Mad Titan, there had been blood aplenty. Asgard was a war-like country, and its princes were expected to fight from the front. So if the grin he gave Barnes was sharp and full of teeth, Loki could probably be excused. “No judgement from me either way, mind you.”

This seemed to mollify Barnes somewhat, though the furrowed brow and grumpy frown stuck around. “I could ask you the same question.”

“You could. And I would answer that some people deserve to die.” That was why he’d tried to kill off Jotunheim, after all. Destroy the literal land of monsters. Thor’s sudden reversal of his hatred of them was still somewhat astonishing. How quickly his brother had changed. It was still a bit puzzling. Had Odin foresaw that shift in worldview when he banished Thor to Earth?

Not that it mattered, in the long run. Even if Thor didn’t want to see the frost giants destroyed down to the last soul, he would never see Loki as anything but a monster. The whole thing had infuriated Loki. First, they told him the Jotun were irredeemable fiends, not worth the air they breathed. Then Loki is supposed to feel bad for eliminating a threat to the throne? The only realm left out of the nine that was filled with enemies?

He thought he was doing what was best for Asgard. For all of them. But then everything was turned around, and he was disregarded like he always was. The crown meant nothing. Asgardians would only follow their beloved Thor, regardless of whatever foolishness Thor had bungled his way into.

After all that, Loki had wanted to rub their lies and petty condescension into their faces, show them what kind of monster he could really be. 

And he succeeded. Better than he could have ever hoped. Or feared. Truly, he was reviled now. 

To Loki’s utter surprise, Barnes grinned back at him. His smile was also filled with sharp edges and dark promises. “Yeah. You’re right on that.” The smile turned a little less pointed and a little more smug. “So. Training room.”

Shit. 

He’d gone and talked Loki right into it. 

Well, two could play that.

“Indeed. And if you are to be preparing for any coming altercation, perhaps we should look at getting that arm repaired.” He gestured at Barnes’ metal limb and smiled as sweetly as he could muster.

From the immediate pucker on Barnes’ face, he’d just realized he’d been outmaneuvered. He clenched his fingers, causing the left hand to spasm, proving Loki’s point.

Loki knew when he’d already won, so he was content to wait Barnes out. 

Eventually, Barnes said, “We’ll see. And it depends on who’s doing it.” He held up his flesh hand, finger pointed in warning. “No to Stark. We don’t go near him. At all. And you tell me before we do anything. I...” Barnes swallowed hard. “I need to work up to it.”

Well, that was easy enough to work around. Surely Ironman wasn’t the only one who could fix metal limbs. 

“I’ll look into it,” Loki said, pleased. “In the meantime, show me the room. I’m sure I’ll need to make adjustments.”

Barnes nodded, and the two of them took a look at their new training area.

\--

They didn’t actually get around to trying the training room out that night. Or at least Loki didn’t. He did, however, set up a delivery for some floor to ceiling mirrors to be installed. Useful things for a training room. 

There were a few other safeguards he could do. Magical protections he could put in place. Those were ritual magics, though, and not one of Loki’s specialties. Not that he couldn’t do them, no. It just meant that it would take him some time. They weren’t fast casts like his illusions or teleport. 

While he was at it, Loki decided he might as well get Barnes some proper armor, too. Whatever he had been fighting in was long gone. Loki could spell some protections on his clothes, it would be far more efficient just to have some protective gear made for him. 

Eventually he made his way back to the sitting room, scrawling notes down about what components or payments would be needed. 

But it had been far too long since Loki had slept. Days and days of staying on guard finally caught up to him and before he knew it, Loki’s eyes drifted closed.

He was cold. So cold. The stars spread out above him, resplendent and glorious. Twisted rock spun up in spires all around the dias where he was chained, flat on his back. 

The Other’s many fingered hands glided over his wounds, causing his blood to run a little faster. It was too cold to really feel it though, a blessing as far as Loki was concerned. That didn’t stop the dread and horror from pooling deep in his gut as he watched his body break into pieces under The Other’s hands. 

He’d feel it soon. He knew it. They’d warm him up just enough to make his skin turn soft and pink again, and then he’d feel what they’d done to him. Loki would be fed, healed, and then it would all start over again.

“No,” the Other said, plucking the words straight out of his mind. “No. What you have done to yourself.”

“No,” Loki choked out. “No, no, not me, not me---”

“All you. All.” The Other’s face twisted into a parody of a grin, its lipless mouth forced over large pearly teeth. Light from the nebulas above shined off of the golden wire that caged its face. “This impurity must be cleansed out of you. We’re healing you. Making you whole again. See how the Asgardians have tainted your skin?” And Loki could see it, every spot where Jotun blue had leaked through whatever spell work that Odin had cast on him when he was a babe. “We must drain their control from you, and then you will be free. Free to rule. Free to serve.”

“Please,” he whispered. The Other grinned wider.

“Yes. We will heed your pleas. We will make you whole. Then you can begin to regain your birthright.”

That was not what he meant, not what he wanted!

But it was, wasn’t it? To rule, to be free? Yes, he did want that. He always wanted that. 

“That’s right. We are simply helping you get what you have always wanted.”

His flesh began to warm, and he began to scream.

\--

Bucky woke with a start, his hands already curled around the handles of knives. Something was wrong. 

Silence rang in his ears as he strained to hear something other than his own thunderous heartbeat. Everything in his armory looked the same as it was before he drifted off to sleep, huddled in his corner. He’d given up even attempting the bed, and had just folded a blanket up in his weapons stash, ready for whenever he needed it. 

There it was again. A slight vibration in the floor. That must have been what woke him up to begin with. 

He took a moment to grab one of the Skorpions off the wall, a familiar gun for him. The weight of it in his hand was second nature to him. 

As soon as he opened the door into his bedroom, sound rushed in. _Sound proofing in the gun safe. How nice_ , he thought. Bucky focused on his hearing. Amid all of the usual apartment sounds, there was a harsh gasping.

_Shit, Loki._

Cautious as ever, he made his way into the hall. The floor thrummed under him for a second, as a wave of distortion passed through everything. 

“Stop. Please, stop.” Loki’s voice was barely a whisper. 

Fire burned up inside of Barnes and his face twisted into a snarl. Maybe he didn’t trust Loki, and maybe the guy got on his nerves something fierce, but fuck if Barnes was gonna let him be tortured right under his nose. _Fuck that._

In half a heartbeat he was in the sitting room, weapons ready. But Loki was alone. 

Alone and curled up in his favorite reading chair, whimpering and clawing at his head and arms. Circles of ice had formed around him, like some twisted version of a fairy ring. Deep, black lines ran through his exposed hands and forearms, and his skin was dark blue. 

It was enough to bring Barnes to a full stop. He looked around, searching for some kind of hidden enemy, but there was no one. 

“No, no, no, no, no more, please,” Loki cried softly, and pulled at his long black hair. Another pulse of power exploded out of him, making the room shudder and forcing another ice ring to grow up out of the floor.

He was having a nightmare. One that Barnes was all too familiar with, too. The ice, the bizarre skin coloring, those were probably just some weird magicy thing. It made Barnes’ course of action a little more dangerous, but, well. It was going to be dangerous anyways. 

Barnes set his Skorpion on the kitchen counter and walked over to Loki, stopping just on the edge of the first ice ring.

“Loki. Hey, Loki!” He didn’t really think this would actually work, but it was worth a shot. 

Sure enough, Loki just slept right through Barnes’ voice. 

“Come on, Loki, don’t make me come over there. Please, wake up. You’re not there. You’re in our lair. Loki.” 

Another pulse of magic went off, bringing the frost line right up to his toes. He rolled his eyes and sighed. This was gonna suck. 

Barnes stepped into the iced area and kneeled next to Loki. Bracing for the pain that surely would come, he grit his teeth and then used his metal arm to grab hold of Loki’s shoulder. 

“Wake the fuck up, man! Before you freeze us all out.”

Loki’s eyes shot open, and Barnes was surprised to see that they were vibrant blood red. What they _weren’t_ was focused on anything that was actually in the room with them. 

_Here we go_ , Barnes thought with a mix of resignation and acceptance. He blocked the first blow, but the second sent him reeling backwards. Loki was on him in a flash, his hands twisted into icy claws. One dug into Barnes’ shirt, punching holes in the fabric, and holding him in place. Everywhere their skin touched felt like liquid fire. The other, Barnes held back with his metal arm.

“No! No more! You do not know what I want! You are wrong! _I will not serve you_.” Loki screamed. The air around them turned so cold that it actually started snowing a bit. 

“Loki, it’s me! Barnes. Bucky! Come on, wake the fuck up!” Barnes grabbed hold of Loki’s collar and bridged upward with his hips, forcing both of them into a tumble that ended with Barnes on top. “Loki, I swear to god, wake up right now or we won’t eat anything but coney dogs the next five times we go out.”

They struggled together for another minute. Loki was unable to get out of Barnes’ hold, but everywhere Loki touched him, Barnes’ skin froze. 

Then the struggling ceased, and sense came back into Loki’s gaze. His skin faded into its normal bleached bone paleness, and he gasped for breath. 

It took a few rough shakes, but Barnes was able to unclench his left hand. As soon as he could, he withdrew, panting heavily, though more from pain than from actual exertion. He dragged himself backwards to rest against the wall, while Loki shuddered prone on the floor.  
Fuck, his arm hurt. Pain spiraled out from every single place where his metal limb was anchored to his skeleton. The nerves that were connected to the movement in his hand burned and throbbed, making it feel like the metal was melting right off of him. He closed his eyes and breathed through it. It didn’t exist. Wasn’t real. Just some fucked up wiring. 

The more that he got that sensation under control, the more he started to feel the frost bite wounds scattered around the rest of his body. If he were a normal person, he’d probably be looking forward to losing body parts. But Barnes knew better than to expect that for himself. He’d heal. Even though bits of his right arm and chest were frozen solid, in under a day he’d only look like he was beaten with a hot iron, and a day after that it would be no worse than a bad sunburn. 

The sensation was even familiar to him. Even though the chemicals that were used to keep him asleep in cryo caused significantly less damage upon revival, the burning cold was just the same. He’d already lived through that countless times. He could live through this, too.

There was some shuffling across the floor from him. Barnes kept his eyes closed. He left his head resting back on the wall and focused on his breath.

“Barnes, I---” Loki started

But Barnes was having none of it. “Shut up,” he said, cutting off whatever Loki thought he might have to say about what just happened. “Just shut up and go sit on the couch.”

Silence. Then the sounds of slow moving as Loki, for fucking once, actually did what Barnes asked. 

He allowed himself the luxury of a few more deep breaths, then he pulled himself up to standing. His body screamed at him as white hot pain made him see stars for a moment. Three more deep breaths, and then he made his way to the kitchen. 

It took him longer than he wanted to admit, but Barnes got to the stove and turned the flame on under the kettle. There, he waited, head bowed and eyes closed. He let the pain wash through him. Accepted the sensation, rather than fighting against it. Breathed it in and let it settle in him, until it was just another part of the world around him. 

His mind cleared. The pain was still there, but it wasn’t in control. He was. There were limits to what his body could do based on how much damage it had taken, but the sensation of pain became an afterthought. 

Barnes opened his eyes and grabbed two mugs out of the cabinet. In one, he dropped a spoonful of loose tea leaves. In the other he put seven spoonfuls of hot chocolate mix; enough so that the mug was a little more than half full of sugary powder. The kettle wasn’t quite whistling by that time, but it was hot enough, so Barnes filled up the mugs and took them into the sitting room. 

Loki stared blankly off into the distance, shoulders slumped and hands limp in his lap. 

“Here,” Barnes said, and shoved the mug of tea at him. Loki blinked a few times, his brow wrinkled in confusion. Barnes rolled his eyes. “Drink or don’t drink. Whatever. Just hold onto it. It’ll help.” After staring at him for another half minute, Loki grabbed the mug and cradled it in both hands. 

Barnes flopped down next to him, spilling a few drops of hot chocolate onto his already ruined shirt. He dug around in the couch cushions for a minute until he found the TV remote. 

“What are you doing.” Loki’s voice was hoarse. Painful to listen to, so it had to be painful to speak with. 

“Turning on the TV,” Barnes replied, and hit the power button. 

“Yes. I see that. _Why_ are you doing that?” Loki clutched his mug a little closer. 

Good. If he was present enough to bitch about the TV, then they were making strides in the right direction.

“Because I don’t want to sit here staring at the damn blank screen,” Barnes griped back. Which was true, but he also thought Loki could use the distraction too. When Barnes had nightmares like this, little distractions had saved him. Kept him from doing things he might truly regret. Or that Steve might regret. 

He flipped through the channels, skipping by anything that looked violent or loud. That wouldn’t go over well after a nightmare like Loki’s. Unfortunately, anything that had cheerful laughter or people making calf eyes at each other set Barnes’ teeth on edge. _Fucking happiness. What a goddamn lie._

Eventually, he found the perfect thing. Barnes held back a smirk.

“...What. Is this.” Loki’s voice held both horror and disdain. 

Perfect. Satisfaction welled up inside of him. He dropped the remote control and settled in to watch.

“This is Jewelry TV.” Barnes pointed at the little icon at the corner of the screen. “Part of the Home Shopping Network.”

They watched in silence. Barnes was pretty sure Loki had just been stunned into speechlessness. Struck dumb in horror.

Two older women in brightly colored, hideous clothing sat on the screen and babbled on about a gold ring. As far as Barnes could tell, it was just a gold ring. There was a little flower on it. But those two women had a wealth of detail about the number of petals on that flower, how big the flower was, how beautiful the gold looked, how fashionable it was, timeless even, and, oh, what a great price. 

“It’s not even pure gold,” Loki said quietly. 

“Right?” Barnes agreed. “Like, not even a high karat. I mean, 18k, okay, that’s shiny. 14k is real common. But, 10k? Really?”

Now Loki’s gaze shifted to Barnes, his mouth still dropped and eyes slightly wide. “Why. Why do you know this. _How_ do you know this? What possible reason could a legendary, brainwashed assassin have for knowing this? And why, for the love of all that is holy, are you making me know this?”

Barnes couldn’t stop the shit eating grin that stretched across his face. “I squatted outside a used electronics store for a week. Now buckle up. Citrine Celebration starts in twenty minutes.”

Loki groaned and slid further down into the couch, eyes still wide in horror. 

Perfect. 

\--

Two and a half hours later, the sky was just starting to lighten. They were both on their fifth cup of drink, tea and hot chocolate respectively. Loki had also made popcorn. Which he was currently tossing at the screen, while screaming.

“Spinel, the new ruby? What hogwash!” Loki flipped a gesture at the screen. Since nothing blew up, Barnes had to conclude that it was just the Asgardian version of flipping the bird. “Humans have mistaken Spinel for ruby for centuries. _Centuries._ There is nothing new about this! And look at those inclusions. Top quality, indeed. There’s a reason it’s only twenty-nine ninety-five.”

Barnes just cackled and wrapped his blanket tighter around his shoulders. 

Listening to Loki rant about this shit was worth all the ice burns. 

“I have literally seen better gems on the corpse of a day old dead prostitute. And that was _after_ the body had already been picked over.” Loki shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth and fumed.

Totally worth it.

\--

Later that day, Loki sidled up to Barnes and passed him a cup of hot chocolate. After a few awkward moments of silence he said, “Barnes. About last night…” He glanced at the circle of ruined carpet around his favorite chair.

On one hand, Barnes wanted to never discuss Loki’s nightmares again. They sounded right on par with Barnes’ own terrors, and that wasn’t a thing he really wanted to get into. On the other hand, he was sort of curious what Loki had to say. So he kept quiet, his face neutral and his flesh had curled around the warm mug. 

“...Thank you.” Loki eventually said, and then quickly left the room. 

Barnes sipped his hot chocolate and thought about this new strange turn his life had taken.

\--


	5. Chapter 5

Over the course of the next couple of weeks, late night TV had become an unofficial habit for the two of them. It seemed that both of them were plagued by nightmares, if they got any sleep at all. Having the television on was a welcome distraction from whatever unpleasantness their own brains routinely conjured up. 

At first they just watched more home shopping programs, but there was only so many hours of that anyone could watch before true madness set in. Loki eventually began forcing them to branch out into terrible late night movie reruns. 

“On one hand,” Barnes said one night, “this seems pretty implausible.” 

He gestured towards the screen. A commercial had just come on for a special new made-for-TV movie. The man in the advertisement flailed at his female counterpart, who looked about as unimpressed as Barnes felt.

“There is a giant, undead, frozen woolly mammoth, that is possessed by aliens and it is _headed this way!_ ” the man in the ad screamed. 

Loki munched on another handful of popcorn. As far as Barnes could tell, buttered popcorn was one of the few non-gourmet foods Loki would deign to eat. Honestly, it was one of the few foods in general he would eat. Even when it was Loki’s turn to pick where they ate out at, he rarely did more than just pick at his food. 

Even though Barnes didn’t know a whole lot about magic, he did know that energy had to come from somewhere. It didn’t seem like Loki had the eating issues that Barnes did, but he certainly wasn’t eating as much as he should. 

So every time they went out, Barnes made sure to pick up extra popcorn. He’d even experimented with different flavors, to see which Loki gravitated to. So far the only preference seemed to be towards salty rather than sweet mixes. That was just fine, as far as Barnes was concerned. More caramel corn for him. 

“On the other hand,” Barnes continued his train of thought. “I’m a hundred year old, brainwashed, cyborg, World War Two era assassin, who’s spent a fair amount of time being on and off cryogenically frozen.” He crinkled his brow and paused to consider the ad. “So are they trying for realism here and just sort of...missing their mark? Or is this just really terrible television?”

Loki just shrugged at him and kept eating. “Either way, I think I’ll need to be drunk to watch it.”

That was probably accurate.

“Pretty sure I can’t get drunk,” Barnes said. 

“Asgardian liquor can get anyone drunk.” Loki shrugged with one shoulder and absently jostled his popcorn bowl around, recoating all of the kernels with salt and butter that had settled at the bottom. “Probably not a wise plan though, given your propensity to stab things.”

That was also probably accurate. Barnes started digging around for the remote control. 

“So you know,” Loki side-eyed Barnes in a way that left him feeling distinctly uneasy. “I’ve been looking in to ways to get your arm fixed.”

Well that didn’t bode well. Granted, he and Loki had settled into something of a routine, one it seemed both of them were reasonable comfortable, or at least tolerant, of. So instead of fleeing to his weapons cache, Barnes merely stiffened in place.

“What did you come up with?” Barnes voice was flat and tightly controlled, though he couldn’t help how the plates on his arm recalibrated. Each little movement sent a spike of pain up his spine, only to settle right at the base of his skull. 

“There are a group of craftsmen. Dwarves, actually. Three of them, though they are not currently on this realm. Their standard fee is one night alone, each, with the recipient of their work.”

“No.”

“I hear they are quite generous lovers---”

“ _No._ ” The armrest of the couch cracked under the crushing grip of his right hand. It took a fair amount of willpower, but he did not curl his left protectively against his stomach. “That is not happening. Find something else,” he snarled. 

“So be it,” Loki said dismissively, seemingly unaffected by Barnes’ agitation, though his gaze did briefly flicker to the broken armrest. “It was merely a suggestion. They do fine work, though many are uninterested in the costs they levy. I will seek out other avenues.”

All Barnes could do was nod curtly, and try to force himself to calm down. It wasn’t that he was offended by the idea of sex for payment in general. More, it was the idea of someone else owning him, forcing him to perform for their pleasure that made Barnes’ stomach turn. If Hydra ever did anything sexual to him, Barnes was grateful to not remember it. But they did plenty else, treating him like an object to be used. 

He wouldn’t do that again, would never put himself in that situation willingly, no matter what the prize at the end was. Not for Steve, not for anyone. 

It took a few minutes, but eventually Barnes calmed down enough to start flipping through channels again. Loki must have realized how upset he was, because when Barnes settled on Batman Forever all he got in response was a sigh and a raised eyebrow. 

_Fucking deal with it_ , Barnes thought savagely, and choked down a handful of caramel corn. It was a petty revenge, but then again, it wasn’t like Loki was trying to make him upset. 

Probably.

He turned up the volume a little and tried not to take pleasure in Loki’s pained sigh.

\--

Loki got revenge the next time they were out.

“Whyyyyy. Why are we here?” Barnes asked, his face buried in his arms on the top of the bar. He’d managed to scare his way into finding a free stool. One scowl was enough to send a whole group of drunken twits running. Barnes knew they had to be adults. They were all tall and fit, dressed in something Barnes was certain cost more than he wanted to even think about. But they just all looked so damn young. Soft, even. Not that they weren’t in good shape. Clearly, they’d been hitting the gym. But after so many years of fighting, Barnes knew what actual usable muscle mass looked like, and those idiots looked like they hadn’t seen a days worth of work in their lives. 

Jesus fucking Christ, when did he get so old?

Loki leaned next to him, one elbow on the bartop, and surveyed the crowd. There was a predatory glint in his eyes, and Barnes dearly hoped that he wouldn’t have to spend the rest of the night in his soundproof armory. 

“We are here because you need to be socialized and it is my turn to choose where we eat,” Loki said with relish.

He was completely unphased by the withering glance Barnes gave him. “Because the food menu here is so impressive.” Sarcasm dripped from every word as he waved a hand at the cocktail menu. 

“Get your calories like everyone else here is doing. Drink them. I’m sure they’ve got a fine menu of overly sugared concoctions.” Loki smirked.

Barnes snorted. Loki had a point. Might as well pick something sweet, since the alcohol wasn’t going to do a damn thing for him. He eyed the menu with a grimace.

By virtue of how packed the bar was, Loki was shoved right up next to Barnes, tight in on his left side. Normally, Barnes wouldn’t have allowed anyone so close to him, but in the packed conditions of the bar he was grateful that Loki chose his left side to lean next to. At the very least, if his metal arm spasmed or lurched, there wouldn’t be any awkward explanations. Barnes also knew that Loki could take whatever he could dish out and not die. As much as he didn’t like crowds, Barnes wasn’t keen on actually killing everyone there.

Just seeing all bodies pressed together on the dance floor made his skin crawl. Someone tried to shift in to get some bar space on Barnes’ right side. He bared his teeth at them and they melted back into the crowd.

“Yeah, yeah. Socialization. Whatever. But why are we at _this_ bar. It looks like someone vomited designer clothes and expensive cologne and everyone here decided to roll in it.” Forewarned that they were headed to a nicer place, Barnes had reluctantly put on a nice red button up shirt over his usual jeans. His regular black hoodie, freshly cleaned, and a nice pair of gloves helped cover up his metal arm, but he’d flat refused to let Loki style his hair.

His bangs could hang in his face as much as he liked, thank you very much. 

“Because.” Loki’s face stretched into his familiar shark-like smile. “I am very pretty, even when I am not shapeshifted into my female body.” Barnes’ eyes widened and he raised an eyebrow. “Yes, yes, I can do that, if I want. I thought you might have a similar reaction to my illusions, so I have been refraining from taking my other shapes. Plus, I hadn’t felt the need. Regardless, _you_ are also quite attractive.” Loki glanced over at him dubiously. “In your own way.”

“Fucking thanks,” Barnes said dryly. 

“Which means, that between the two of us, one of us is likely to be able to get free drinks, just by being our amazing selves.” The grin got wider. 

_Oh no._

“Please tell me there isn’t some kind of a contest,” Barnes said, as dread filled him.

“Sadly, not tonight. Though that is an excellent idea.” _Fuck._ “No, tonight all we need do is sit here and smile.” As if to lead by example, Loki smiled charmingly at a woman who walked up to get a drink. She blushed a little and smiled back, eyes fluttering. 

“...Really?” It’s not that Barnes couldn’t believe it. He could. It was just...really? “Free drinks? That’s your grand scheme?”

“Pish.” Loki waved a hand at him. “Not everything needs to be a grand scheme. After all, it’s the little schemes that make the world go round.” 

“Right.” Barnes sighed, and looked over the menu. He suddenly wished he really could get drunk. Then he thought about what it might be like to be totally sloshed and at Loki’s mercy, and decided he was thrilled to fucking death that he couldn’t get drunk. 

“Although…” 

The hairs on the back of Barnes’ neck prickled as Loki’s gaze turned speculative. “No. Whatever you are thinking. No.”

“...It’s a shame I didn’t choose a mens only bar. A few kisses between us and we’d have free drinks for the whole night.”

The sharp pain of Barnes forehead hitting the bartop wasn’t enough to block out that mental image. He tried it again. 

No luck. 

“No. No to that forever,” he finally said through gritted teeth. 

“Pity.” Loki did actually sound a bit disappointed, though Barnes was reasonably sure it was simply because of the lack of free booze. 

When Barnes finally looked up again, there was a large glass in front of him filled to the brim with ice cream and chocolate syrup. He pursed his lips together and looked over at Loki, who was doing his best to look nonchalant. 

It...did look awfully tasty. But that came with the certain knowledge that there was some kind of scheme behind this, too.

“Drink up,” Loki said with a smirk. “I’ll work the room.”

It took a moment for those words to sink in, and then Barnes was swearing under his breath. “Do not pick these people's pockets! Loki? Loki!” But Loki was already gone, one with the crowd. Barnes sighed. “Fuck.”

He stared at the drink for a moment longer, and then pulled it over and sipped at the straw. It was good. Sweet, even if there was the biting undercurrent of some kind of liquor in it. Still quite cold, too. Barnes had to use the spoon to dig large chunks of ice cream out.

By the time Loki wandered back, Barnes was happily licking the dregs of the cream off of the rim of the glass. 

“Oooh, now you’re getting into the spirit of things,” Loki said with a laugh and a wiggle of his eyebrows. 

“Huh?” At which point Barnes realized that he’d forgotten how many people were around him, and he’d spent maybe too long trying to get the last of the chocolate syrup off of his spoon. Shortly after this came the realization that at least three people at the bar were watching him, eyes a touch large and focused on his mouth. He dropped his spoon and glared at Loki. “You planned that.”

“I planned that.” Loki’s smile was nothing but smug satisfaction. “But you enjoyed yourself anyways, didn’t you? We both win.”

Barnes narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean, we both win?” He glanced around the bar. “What have you been doing out there?”

“Oh Barnes!” Loki sighed dramatically and draped one arm around Barnes’ shoulder. Immediately, Barnes shifted to discreetly shove a knife into Loki’s side. Which of course Loki didn’t seem to care about. “I’ve just told all of my wonderful new acquaintances how you, my dearest friend, are bereft! Sore of heart! Afflicted with some terrible, personal tragedy, and I am here to console you. But, alas, it isn’t going well.”

“I’m gonna murder you,” Barnes growled. He’s already grabbed the empty ice cream glass with his free hand, and had started to contemplate exactly which part of Loki’s skull to bash it against.

“But, lo! All of our new friends would simply love to cheer you up!” Sure enough, the bartender stopped by with three fresh drinks, each smelling more alcoholic than the last. “And you, my generous friend, you wouldn’t want to drink alone, would you?” Loki’s face was filled with wide eyed innocence. “I would, of course, be happy to aid you in this heavy burden.”

With a happy, smug little smile, Loki swiped one of the fresh drinks and began sucking on the straw. 

_Deep breaths,_ Barnes thought to himself. Very carefully, he set down the ice cream glass and pinched the bridge of his nose. _It could be so much worse. Steve could be here to see this._

That was when he heard it. The most familiar voice in the world, speaking loudly over the music several feet behind him.

“Stark, why are we here?”

_Oh holy fuck, God really must hate me. Fuck, fuck, fuck._

His spine stiffened and he tried very, very hard not to bring attention to himself. Loki, of course, noticed the change in his demeanor immediately. 

“What is it?” Loki asked, voice suddenly serious. By now, he knew what Barnes looked like when he was truly having an issue, rather than just grumbling. He turned to look around, and then quick as a flash, spun to face the bar again. “Oh. Well. That’s...interesting. Inconvenient for me, considering the last time I saw Stark.”

“Yeah, what happened then? Did you beat him to a pulp and throw him off a helicarrier? Like the last time I saw Steve?” Barnes grit his teeth so tightly he thought they might break. He could hear Stark and Steve arguing behind them, slowly making their way through the crowd. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

“Well. I tried to mind control him with an infinity stone in a staff, given to me by my former masters and torturers. When that failed, I threw him off the top of his tower.” Loki tapped the bartop with one finger and took a deep breath in and held it. The moment stretched. “So. Yes. That.”

“Ok. Fuck. Here’s the plan.” Barnes casually stood up and leaned over to wrap an arm around Loki, careful to keep his back to those voices. 

“What are you---” Loki looked at Barnes in confusion, and pressed back a little against him. 

“You can illusion yourself, right? You should do that. And then I’ll throw you at them as a distraction.” Barnes tugged Loki closer and fought down the panic that clawed up his back. 

“ _What?!_ No! No, I do not like this plan. I object. Strenuously,” Loki babbled at him, and put a little more effort into shoving Barnes away.

Steve was right behind him. Right there. Within reach. 

He couldn’t deal with that.

Could.

Not.

“It’s a great plan. Guaranteed to work. They won’t know it’s you, and I’ll be gone by the time they look up.” With his left arm secure in its grip on Loki’s shoulder, Barnes grabbed Loki’s belt with his right. “Better get ready.”

“Barnes. _Barnes!_ ”

Turns out that Loki was pretty light for such a tall guy. One quick heave and then Barnes was behind the bar and out the kitchen door, lickity split. 

Terror made his breath short and it took several blocks for him to stop running. He rested against an alley wall and took deep shuddering breaths. 

_Well that could have gone better._

He did feel a tiny bit bad about literally tossing Loki to the wolves. But if there was anything Barnes had learned in the last several weeks, it was that Loki knew how to weasel his way out of bad situations. 

Still. Barnes resolved to do something extra nice for him the next time they went out. 

\--

Steve tugged nervously at the collar of his button up shirt. The action was more nerves than anything else. Being around all the crowds and loud music wasn’t really a comfortable experience. Especially because at any moment someone might noticed that _Oh look! It’s Captain America!_ And then his supposedly relaxing evening out would surely be completely done with. 

Tony might thrive on the recognition and adoration, but Steve most assuredly did not. 

“Stark, why are we here?” he asked, though he was certain he knew the answer.

“Because you,” Stark made finger guns at him, “are in desperate need of a night out. And this,” he waved a hand around at the room, “is a nice place to have a night out.”

Steve sighed. “Tony. I know you mean well, but. This. This just isn’t really my kind of---”

“Gonna stop you right there, Cap. This is a wonderful place. Look! High quality. Nice people. Good drinks. At the very least you can sit at the bar and let people ogle your chest through that shirt.” 

A frown tugged at Steve’s lips and he looked down at his perfectly fine blue shirt. He tugged at the hem a bit. Alright, so the waist was a bit on the tight side, but Pepper had convinced him to go let her have all of his clothes tailored. This was just how it came back.

“Tony…”

“No.” Tony pushed him along towards the bar. “You’ve been moping for months now. I know your BFF is a back-from-the-dead-brainwashed-assassin, but enough is enough. You need a break. We all need a break.”

That was probably true. Which, ironically, only made Steve want to mope more. After months of searching, no one had come up with any recent information on Bucky. Outdated stuff, sure. File upon file that made Steve want to both vomit and rage. But not a shred of anything current. 

It was like Bucky had just up and vanished off the face of the earth. 

_They didn’t call him a ghost for nothing, I guess,_ he thought glumly. 

Steve had spent a fair amount of time burning newly discovered Hydra bases to the ground, but eventually even he had to take a rest. After he’d gotten back to the tower from his latest mission, Stark had pounced on him. Before Steve even knew it, he was cleaned up and out the door. 

“So how about we find someone for you to spend a fun evening with?” Tony grinned. 

Steve sighed again and shook his head. “Did Natasha recruit you? Because I swear, Tony, I’m really not inter-WOAH!”

A well dressed body collided with Steve. He was knocked completely on his ass and his arms were suddenly filled with a struggling person.

“What the fuck? Hey!” Tony yelled after someone at the bar. “What kinda dick move is that! I swear to god, New Yorkers. Hey, you two alright?”

Try as he might, Steve couldn’t quite get moved upright. The dark haired woman in his arms was struggling too much. He tried to get a hand under her elbow to help her up, but it must have slipped. Or perhaps she just shimmied in the wrong direction at the wrong time, because his hand slid straight onto her chest, where he got a solid handful of her bosom. 

Both of them froze, Steve in absolute embarrassment and the woman with shark-grinned delight. She delicately scrapped her nails down his chest and cupped his pecs in return.

“Oh, Captain,” she purred. “What a delight to finally meet you.”

A tiny little _eek_ escaped from Steve’s throat and he scrambled backwards on the floor. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d moved that fast. “No, no, no, I am so _so_ sorry, ma’am! I did not mean to! I mean, no. Not at all. I am so sorry!”

She actually started to crawl towards him on the floor, grin stretching a little wider, but Tony intercepted. He grabbed her arm and helped her up. “Whoa hold on there, man-eater. No molesting the national icon. I promise that whatever that was, was an accident, caused by you getting tossed into us. Which, by the way, what the ever loving fuck?”

Steve stood up and dusted himself off a bit. There were a few lingering glances from the crowd around them, but fairly soon everyone was back to enjoying themselves. “Ma’am. I swear, I did not mean to take any liberties. I am so very sorry,” he said earnestly. His face absolutely burned with mortification. 

“It’s no trouble,” the woman replied, still eyeing Steve up and down. She brushed off her own suit, a matching grey waistcoat and pants set with gold buttons. It was a little strange for a woman’s outfit, but Steve had long since stopped trying to anticipate what fashion was all about, in any time period. “My pleasure, in fact. A friend of mine was just having a bit of a rough time, and he panicked. He didn’t mean to shove me.” She cast a doe eyed look at Tony and said in hushed tones, “He’s just returned from the service. The crowds got to him, I think.”

“...Right.” Tony squinted at her. Then he tilted his head and looked a bit closer. “Do I know you? You look incredibly familiar.”

“It’s possible,” she said with a smirk. “Did we meet up at your penthouse once?”

“Oh god, maybe.” Tony winced and rubbed his eyes. “Please tell me it was a while ago. And that you were very impressed. Very, very impressed. I don’t know if my ego is up to hearing otherwise.”

“It was quite memorable for me, though I think we were both fairly out of it by the end. I don’t think either of us were able to walk without assistance.”

“Oh goodie. In any case, come on Steve, time to go and never, ever come back to this bar again. Happy hunting!” He grabbed Steve by the arm, turned him around, and physically pushed him towards the exit.

“I’m very sorry! I hope you have a wonderful night, miss!” Steve called back to her, just as eager as Stark was to leave. 

All he saw of her was that wide, sharp grin before he was swallowed back into the crowd and pushed towards the door.

\--

It took Bucky a little while to find what he was looking for. Then it took a while longer after that for him to work up the nerve to go back to the lair. 

He wasn’t worried, per say. More like, he had the sinking feeling that he’d over reacted a bit. Even though Loki was the one to drag him to that awful bar in the first place. 

Still. 

Maybe they could have come up with a better plan if he hadn’t panicked. Maybe. 

Then he thought about the rest of Loki’s plans and decided that he probably did them both a favor. 

Underneath all of that was a tiny kernel of doubt. A little whisper that asked, what if Loki hadn’t managed to trick his way out of there? What would the Avengers do to a newly found Loki?

Social media tracked the column of light that seemed to be Thor’s main mode of off-world transportation. Bucky had started keeping an eye out for it on the news feeds ever since he and Loki made there deal. Since there hadn’t been even a whisper of activity on that end, Bucky was fairly sure that if Loki had gotten caught, the Avengers hadn’t gotten around to shipping him back to Asgard. 

Which meant that if they did have Loki, there was only one course of action left for Bucky to take.

He’d arm up, and go bust Loki out of whatever cell they’d tossed him into. Granted, breaking into Avengers Tower maybe wasn’t the wisest move for someone who was supposed to be on the run, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t do it. 

The Winter Soldier was called a ghost story for a reason. 

All of this was on his mind as he stepped back into the lair two days after the bar incident. 

To his great relief, Loki was waiting for him in the sitting room. Looking pissed, sure, and he’d retreated to his favorite chair in the corner, but he was _there_ , which right that second was all Bucky cared about. 

_She,_ Bucky internally corrected. Because the Loki that was sitting in front of him was definitely a woman. Still tall and slim, but there were definite curves for her bust and waist. The line of her jaw and nose was softened a bit, and her overall build was a touch more delicate, but the eyes and the hair were the same. 

“Welcome back,” she said, with no little sarcasm. 

Bucky rolled his eyes at her and flopped down at his customary spot on the couch. “Don’t even try to pretend you were in trouble. As if you couldn’t get out of that situation with your hands tied behind your back.”

She preened a tiny bit. “True. Regardless, perhaps in the future we should work out an escape ahead of time. One that doesn’t involve me being thrown at the enemy.”

“Fair.” Bucky shrugged, and then sank further into the couch. 

God, it felt good. He hadn’t slept in all the time that he’d been gone. While that wasn’t unusual for him before he’d met Loki, in the past month or two he’d actually started to get used to having some semi-regular sleep. Or at the very least, a safe place to let down his guard for a bit. 

He’d just started to close his eyes when Loki said, “You’re not going to comment on the…” Barnes looked over just in time to see her wave at her chest. 

“...Should I?” He glanced around, brows furrowed, and tried to think of something he should be saying but wasn’t. Nothing came to mind but a big, fat blank in his brain. Great. “I mean, you said you could turn into a woman. So. I mean. It’s different, sure, but you did warn me.”

An undercurrent of tension in Loki’s body suddenly eased, and her smirk grew a bit softer. “Perhaps not, Barnes.” She huffed out a bitter laugh. “The Warriors Three could not stop themselves from making jokes, though never around the Lady Sif.”

Barnes frowned. “Who are those losers?”

“Thor’s closest friends. Or they were, before his trip to Midgard. I’ve no idea if they all still associate, though I’d wager that they do.” 

Ah. Well, that explained the bitterness. 

“What a bunch of assholes. Didn’t Thor try to stop them?” He found himself getting a little pissed off on Loki’s behalf. Maybe it was just the exhaustion, but the idea of letting anyone get picked on like that around him was repellant. 

“Ha! Stop them?” Loki’s face stretched into her shark-grin and her hands twisted into the fabric of the chair’s armrests. “He found it hilarious.”

Barnes watched as the heavy embroidery gave way under Loki’s sharp, black polished fingernails. 

_How the fuck many chairs does he go through in a year’s time? Is he actually replacing them, or just magicing the same one whole again, over and over?_

He blinked a bit as he realized that Loki was waiting for some kind of response. Whatever tact he might have possessed though had long since fled, so he just led with the first thing that came to mind. 

“You’re brother seems like kind of a dick.” Two full heartbeats passed and he tilted his head in a half shrug. “No offence.”

This time when Loki laughed, it was her happy laugh, one that Barnes had started to see more and more often in the past couple of weeks. Loud and free, it bubbled up out of her.

“That is true enough.” Loki wiped her eyes and settled back down in her chair, hands folded in her lap and posture relaxed. “So where have you been? Please don’t tell me you’ve been running for days. That sounds both exhausting and pathetic.”

Barnes snorted and closed his eyes, relaxing further into the sofa. Any more relaxed and he’d be horizontal soon. “No. I mean, yeah, there was some of that, but mostly I was out looking for our next trip out.”

“Oh really?” Loki sounded both intrigued and suspicious. 

_Good._

“Yup,” he said, popping the P sound. “So how did you get away from Stark?”

There was a pause as Loki noted the change in topic. If she was thinking that Barnes wasn’t willing to give up the surprise, she was right. It had literally taken days to figure out the perfect spot. Something that would both be a fun time for Barnes and an appropriate apology to Loki. 

“It was easy. I simply turned into my female self and made a pass at your Captain.”

“You _what._ ” Barnes surged up off the sofa, blood boiling behind his eyes. That’s when he finally started to see it. The shoulder length dark hair, neatly curled at the bottom. The blood red lipstick. The perfectly inked black lashes. 

Dark, dangerous, and beautiful. Just Steve’s type. 

Oblivious to Barnes’ reaction, Loki positively cackled. “It was glorious. You threw me right into his arms. It was child’s play to move around so we both got a fair handful.” She held up one hand and made grabby motions.

In less than a half second, Barnes was on her, hands at her throat. “You stay the fuck away from him. You wanna fuck around with someone, go fuck someone else. Plenty of pretty people out there. But you stay away from Steve. He’s---” The words caught in his throat and his eyes burned. Loki just stared at him incredulously. “He’s sweet. Too sweet for his own good. He’d throw his whole heart into any ol’ one night stand, and he’d hurt when it wasn’t something special.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Loki shoved her hands in between them, pushing Barnes back a bit. “You’re not worried I might harm him. You’re worried I’m going to break his heart?” 

Barnes dropped his hands and fell back a step, his cheeks on fire with embarrassment and anger. He clenched his fists tightly and tried not to think about breaking Loki’s neck. “Shut up,” he said quietly.

“You are, aren’t you? This is more than just brotherly concern though, isn’t it? You’re _jealous_.” Loki cackled again.

“I said _shut up!_ ” He turned around and stalked to the far side of the room. Far enough away to give them both some space, but not so close to the door that he might run. 

Barnes was still tempted. 

No one knew about how much he loved Steve. He couldn’t say anything when they were younger. It would have killed his ma. Hell, his da would have killed him. And Steve...it wouldn’t have mattered anyways because Steve wasn’t interested in guys. The way he looked at Peggy proved that. 

“Oh my goodness, you _are_ jealous! Of your captain being involved with someone else.” Loud, obnoxious laughing filled the room while Barnes fumed. 

He shook his head and grit his teeth. Punching Loki in the face wouldn’t change anything. 

Just as he took his first steps to leave, maybe this time for good, Loki called out to him. “Wait! Just hold a moment, please.”

Barnes paused, though he still couldn’t look Loki in the eye. Everything was too raw. He had to listen to Loki’s mockery. He didn’t want to see it, too.

“If you care for him so much, why, in the name of all that is good and holy, aren’t you trying to go back to be with him?”

“Because there is no ‘back’!” Barnes snarled. “Steve and I...we never...he’s not.” He swallowed hard past the lump in his throat and dug around for the right words. “Steve’s not like that. He doesn’t want me. Wouldn’t ever.”

Silence.

Any minute now the mockery would start up again, Barnes was sure. Loki would laugh and laugh, and Barnes would leave and find another fucking alley to sit in. 

But Loki didn’t laugh. The silence stretched on. 

“Barnes.” There wasn’t even a hint of mirth in her voice. He turned to look at her, not sure what to expect. “I think we need a new plan.”

_Uh oh._

“What do you mean ‘new plan’?” Whatever the answer was, Barnes knew it wasn’t going to be good. But this was one of those times where intel was critical to damage control.

“All this time,” Loki said, shaking her head. “I thought, Heimdall thought, hell, everyone thought that you two were just brothers---”

“We are!” Barnes said, he voice low and broken. “And now we’re not even that. Just fucking strangers.”

“No. You are not fucking. And that, my friend, is the problem. One I aim to fix.” Loki’s face split into a maniacal grin.

_Oh no._

“Absolutely not.” He tried to be firm.

“Yes.” Loki, it seemed, was also firm.

“No.”

“Yessssss.” If anything, Loki’s grin only got wider. 

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and willed the panic away. Arguing any further would not only be pointless, but it might also encourage Loki to act independently, and that would be a fucking disaster. Better to just got with it and try to mitigate any damage he could directly.

“How.” Barnes took another breath. “How do you suppose you’ll manage to get us sleeping together. We’re not even talking. Just getting close to him will get me either killed or thrown in prison. He doesn’t even like men!” With each word, his voice got louder and louder, until he was practically shouting. 

An awful vice settled over his chest and he stalked into the kitchen, briefly unable to deal with the whole idea of it. The kettle handle cracked under his grip as he shoved it onto a burner. It wasn’t even held in his metal hand. Three broken mugs later, Barnes managed to get a cup of hot chocolate ready. After a minute of reflection, he got a cup of tea ready, too. No sense in antagonizing Loki right away. 

Though he reserved the right to strangle her later. 

By the time the water was ready and the cups were filled, he’d calmed down a little. Exhaustion crept up on him and he was reminded that he’d already been awake for more than two days. 

He handed Loki her cup and collapsed onto the couch. 

Time to bite the bullet.

“What’s your plan,” he said, defeated. 

Loki hummed next to him and sipped at her drink. “You’re not wrong about the challenges here. I think our first step should be exonerating you in the eyes of the law.” Barnes snorted. “No easy task, I’m sure, but...well. More difficult things have been accomplished. Once that is underway, we can focus on wooing your captain.”

Fucking great.

“We?” he asked dully. 

“Oh yes,” Loki replied, her smirk firmly in place. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Besides, it’s been nearly a century and you haven’t managed to seal the deal yourself, so clearly you need help.” She rolled her eyes. 

This was going to end in tears, Barnes was sure of it. Probably his. 

\--


	6. Chapter 6

Step one in the new plan involved getting Barnes a lawyer. Not just any lawyer, though. They needed one who would fight tooth and nail for an innocent person. Someone who wouldn’t hesitate to go up against very powerful forces. 

Someone who was also desperate for money. 

Money was something Loki had in spades, though much of it was gained via less than scrupulous means. That was no concern. It would be harder to find someone willing to work with the Winter Soldier. And also possibly Loki, too. 

Not that Loki was interested in pursuing a case for himself. That effort would be futile. But he was under no illusions that Barnes would cooperate with anything involving this if Loki wasn’t right there prodding him along. 

It took another week or two of research, but soon enough Loki found the perfect team of lawyers. 

In the meantime, Barnes had a surprise of his own.

\--

“What is this place?” Loki asked, surveying the large warehouse. There was a parking lot off to one side, and people were slowly filtering in. Many of them wore armor, of one kind or another. Several carried large cases and backpacks and a few of them had rifles. 

Concerning. 

Loki hoped it wasn’t an underground fighting ring. Not that those types of events didn’t have their appeal, but it wasn’t usually what he considered a pleasant evening. Still, he’d make the best of it.

After Barnes had come back, Loki had stayed in his female form just long enough to see if Barnes would react any differently to him. But Barnes hadn’t even blinked over it. Nor did he fall into any of the usual condescending behaviors that many of the Asgardians had. No sidelong glances at Loki’s body, nor suggestive phrases. Barnes simply behaved as he always did; grumpy and quiet. So after only a few more days of being female, Loki slipped back into his male body. 

Helpful, since most of his nicer clothes fit that body.

Looking at most of the clientele here, Loki thought that being in his male form was probably wise. A man would blend in more easily. 

_Although, a woman might be distracting enough to relieve them of their evening winnings,_ he mused. Perhaps if the situation called for it, he would slip into his female form and work the crowd.

“This is payback for dragging me to that bar,” Barnes said as he pushed Loki towards the door. 

“I should be getting a _reward_ for that, thank you very much,” Loki said acidically. “After having given you such a nice distraction.”

All he got was a chuckle in response. “This is a thank you, too.”

Loki had to admit, he was intrigued. 

Once they got inside, Barnes made his way to a counter and passed a slip over to the man behind it. He’d insisted that Loki wear some of his casual jeans and a long shirt. As much as Loki disliked dressing so poorly, he had to admit that he fit in better with the crowd. 

Barnes quickly returned with two piles of armor and a pair of strange looking rifles. 

“Barnes.” Loki was about done with all of this waiting.

“This is a paintball gun course,” Barnes said with a grin. “One of the largest in the city. It fills up three levels of this building.”

The odd shape of the guns and all of the armor suddenly made sense. Not to mention, Barnes’ glee. 

“I can see why you’re so enthusiastic,” Loki said with a smirk, though he still held his set of armor at arm's length. Terrible quality. He was tempted to just summon his real armor, though that would cause the exact kind of spectacle that they needed to avoid. 

It still might be worth it.

“Yup. But you know what else is going on?” If anything, Barnes’ grin got a little wider. 

Loki frowned, he brow drawn together in both irritation and confusion. “What possibly could be happening that would make you so excited?”

“This weekend they’re having a competition. Teams of two, last team standing wins. Grand prize is cash, free equipment, and a bunch of gift cards from local businesses.” Barnes strapped the chest piece onto himself and ran a hand over his paintball rifle, satisfaction oozing out of every pore.

Oh. 

Oh that was brilliant. 

Going into a shooting competition with the Winter Soldier. Loki started to laugh, and then just couldn’t stop. 

They were going to _annihilate_ everyone else there. 

“Yeah. My thoughts exactly,” Barnes said with an evil chuckle. 

Once Loki got control of himself, he happily began putting his armor on. If he magiced it to be a little durable, no one had to know but him. “Never let it be said that you only have bad ideas, Barnes.”

“This is gonna be great.” Barnes snickered, and then handed Loki a rifle and a plastic container of silver balls. At Loki’s raised eyebrow, Barnes said, “Paintballs. They go in here.” He pointed to an attachment for the gun. “People can get special colors, so I splurged a little and went for silver. Figured you’d get a kick out of that.”

“Why not gold?”

“Silver will show up better in the low light areas. Nothing like nice bright headshot splatters on helmets.” A nasty little smirk curled across his lips as he finished buckling himself up. 

Loki hummed in approval. 

It took him a little bit longer to figure out how the armor went on. Before he could start casting a few extra spells on it, Bucky directed his attention to a lounge area. 

“There are cameras all over the course, and the feeds are piped directly into the sitting area. Once people get tagged out, they come here to watch the rest.” Shit. That definitely meant that Loki would have to be careful with his illusions. No doubt that was why Barnes was specifically pointed the monitors out. “There are secondary objectives. Flags that are hidden around the course. Each flag gives you a few points. The last team standing gets first place, but the next two teams with the highest points get second and third place.” Seeing the look on Loki’s face he added, “No. If we collect all the flags, we don’t get the second and third place prizes. Don’t bother.”

Damn. 

“Well. I can still place a few friendly wagers,” Loki said, mentally calculating how much he could grift off the crowd without causing a riot. 

“I’m gonna go get us signed in.” Barnes handed him his helmet, a full head affair with a clear face mask. “I’ll be right back.”

Loki grinned, and went off to meet their fellow contestants. 

\--

The teams had a half hour to get into position before shooting was supposed to go live. As they crept through the fake foliage in the ‘jungle’ level, a thought occurred to Loki.

“What did you name us?” he asked.

“Hrm?” Barnes was busy scanning the area around them, rifle at the ready. Loki didn’t bother. He ambled along behind Barnes as if he were taking an evening stroll. 

“Our team. What did you name us?”

Barnes shot him a shit-eating grin. “Team Evil.”

It was a good thing they weren’t trying to hide just yet, because Loki couldn’t stop laughing. 

\--

Loki could have treated this as a serious war game. He was well trained. Vicious, even, when he put his mind to it. Even though his talents weren’t really suited towards front-line fighting, Asgard demanded that every noble be proficient in all aspects of battle. So despite the unfamiliarity of the armor and weapon, Loki could have been a force to be reckoned with.

That assumed that he cared, though, which he did not. 

Barnes was more than proficient enough to eliminate every single person in the building, silently, efficiently, and with no intervention from Loki. And that included even the mortals who weren’t participating in the game. He would be just fine if Loki sat this one out.

It wasn’t that Loki didn’t feel like fighting. 

Well, it wasn’t _mostly_ that Loki didn’t feel like fighting. Rather, he knew that his best chance as swindling a bit of extra goods and perhaps other, more interesting things, came from sitting with the other defeated players in the lounge. 

So when he dramatically allowed himself to be shot in the heart within the first hour of the game, all he heard from Barnes was a snort of amusement. That one little sound, and then the Winter Soldier was a ghost story once again; disappeared into cover, silent and predatory. 

He settled himself in the lounge with a grin and began talking up the crowd. 

It was almost like old times. Beaten fighters all around, licking their wounds and regaling the others with stories of their bravery. Or folly. 

Even the knowledge that his partner was the most dangerous person on the field was familiar. Thor could best anyone he faced, and made sure that all were aware of that fact. Barnes was no less dangerous, but significantly less boisterous. As much as Loki enjoyed that difference, he found himself still looking around for long blond hair and the smell of ozone. 

Strange, how life worked sometimes. Loki had thought this sort of thing was long past.

He allowed himself a small laugh, and then shook it off. 

There was work to be done. And this time, he had a battle brother who wouldn’t mock him for his contributions. 

\--

As the day wore on into afternoon, a steady flow of fallen fighters trickled into the lounge. Not all of them bore Team Evil’s signature, but many of them did. Head shots were common. Perfect hits right to the center mass. Sometimes there were double taps to the chest. 

“It was a double tap, I swear,” one player bitched. He held up his chest piece and shook his head. Silver paint spread out in a large splotch across the upper chest; it was clear from the size that it was the product of more than one shot.

“Dude, at least you didn’t get hit in the head,” another man responded. 

“My team mate’s a natural shot,” Loki said smoothly. 

“Fucking for real,” was the grumbling reply. 

By Loki’s rough estimate, about a third of the participants were already eliminated. Of those, about half of them had silver paint on them. 

“Anyone interested in a little friendly wager?” Loki smiled winningly. 

The man with the double tapped chest plate looked surreptitiously at the person staffed behind the food counter. He leaned in a little. “What did you have in mind?”

_Like shooting fish in a barrel._

Loki’s smile stretched a little wider.

\--

From the chatter around the room, the lounge filled up far quicker than anyone expected it to as more and more people fell victim to Barnes’ skill. Both drinks and food flowed aplenty, and Loki was well into his third free beverage, compliments of his first round of won bets.

“Holy shit, no way he’s gonna make that shot. The guy he’s aiming at is clear across the damn floor. That’s, like, half a football field!” a tall man groaned behind the couch where Loki was sitting.

“Dude, have you been watching the damn screens?” another asked. “Whoever the fuck that guy is he is crazy fucking good.”

“It’s bullshit,” a third person added. “No way the guns even shoot straight at that range.”

“Unless it’s specially calibrated,” a woman next to them said. “No rules against having really accurate guns. It’s just most folks don’t bother. Who’s gonna see you from a hundred yards away? Especially on an indoor course?”

“Apparently, this guy,” the first speaker replied.

“I bet you all that he scores more kills than anyone else today,” Loki said.

The woman snorted. “No bet. Dude’s already got more kills than anyone else here.”

“Alright, then I’ll wager that eight out of ten of them are head shots.” 

He could see her thinking this over, taking stock of who’d been hit already and how many people were left. She smirked. “I’m in. What’s your wager?”

“What have you got?”

\--

By the time the game finished, hours earlier than nearly everyone expected, it was no great surprise when Barnes was the last person standing. If the grin on his face when he and his final victim arrived in the room was any indication, he’d had a hell of a time. 

The two of them collected their winnings and quickly retreated back to the penthouse. They even stopped to pick up a truly obscene amount of carryout in celebration.

“Oh my god, did you see that guy who fell off the table?” Barnes asked in between bites of fried rice. 

Both of them were on the couch, surrounded by discarded armor and a small army of white cardboard cartons filled with food. Since Barnes had won the day, at least on the field, Loki figured that picking up his favorite greasy, comfort food was appropriate. Food was still a hit or miss thing for Barnes, and Loki noted that he ate slowly, despite his lingering excitement. Some asinine superhero parody was playing quietly on the TV.

“The one who face planted into a support beam?” Loki snorted. “I dearly hope that goes on their highlight reel for the event.”

The sound that came out of Barnes was almost a giggle. “Yeah, that guy. I donno if the cameras got it, but I had popped up right behind him. The guy’s scream was so high pitched it could’a cracked glass.”

“I won a set of tickets off of his team mate.” Loki shoved his chopsticks into his noodles and dug around in his pockets. “Ha!” He pulled out a couple of short slips of paper and waved them back and forth.

 

“Tickets to what?”

“No idea. But they’re ours now,” Loki said happily. 

While Barnes was thoroughly enjoying himself non-lethally shooting people in the head, Loki had cleaned house. Over the course of the day, he’d acquired the tickets, several addition pieces of gear, a second paintball gun, a nice stack of cash, and two invites to other private events. That was on top of all of the official prizes, as well as all the food and drink he could consume.

All in all, it was a very good day for both of them. 

“You know,” Loki said after a minute of quiet eating. “If this were Asgard, we’d toast.”

Barnes looked at his hot chocolate and raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to toast?”

That was a very good question. Loki mulled it over. 

There was a lot that was familiar about the day’s events. Barnes’ martial prowess. Loki’s easy swindling. The general atmosphere of physical competition. 

But there was a great deal that was different, too. There wasn’t a single snide comment about how quickly Loki had taken a fall in battle. Nor did Barnes try to claim all the glory for their success. Oddly enough, no one was truly hurt from their efforts either. Most skirmishes in Asgard, even ones purely for practice or sport, left people with injuries. After all, they were all simply passing time until the next battle. Going easy on each other wouldn’t do anyone any favors later on when the fights were real. Better to hurt in practice to be better prepared for war.

The paintball competition was nothing like that. People were fun and good natured, even in loss. There were, of course, a few sore losers. But most were simply there to enjoy the day’s activities. 

Bringing Asgard’s traditions into that simple pleasure seemed distasteful. Why taint it with something that would only remind him of all the times he was never toasted?

“No,” he finally said. “Perhaps not.”

Barnes took another bite and hummed for a moment. “Steve and I used to drink after fights, too, when we could. I shoulda realized that Zola had done something to me on that table in Austria when the booze stopped working. I mean, I knew, I just---” He shook his head. “Fuck, I didn’t know anything. I was so fucking stupid.”

The museum exhibit had mentioned something about Barnes first capture. Loki assumed that was what he was talking about. 

“For not realizing they’d turned you into a super soldier?”

“Maybe.” Barnes poked at his food absently. “Maybe just for being there. Steve was bound and determined to win the whole fucking war by himself. No way I was gonna leave him to do it alone.” There was another short, huffed out laugh. “The two of us there, both drinking beer like it was some kinda treat and it doing jack shit for both of us.”

They ate in silence for another couple of minutes as music from the TV filled the gap. 

A thought occurred to Loki. “Fistbump.” 

“Hrm?” Barnes stopped mid bite, his chopsticks sticking out of his mouth like whiskers.

“The other teams today were doing something called a ‘fistbump’. We should do this. Clearly, it’s a modern Midgardian custom.” Loki held out his fist. “Touch your knuckles to mine.”

There was a wrinkle of confusion on Barnes’ face, but he complied, reaching over with his right hand to bump with Loki’s right. 

“Well fought today,” Loki said. A smile crept across his face, though it didn’t feel like his usual one. 

After a short pause, Barnes nodded back. His mouth, too, twisted into a crooked smile. “You, too, pal. We rocked that place.”

“Yes, we did.” Satisfaction radiated through him, and he leaned back into the couch.

It had been a good day. 

\--

The next day at lunch, Loki brought up the lawyers.

“It’s a small firm, and they are very new,” he said as he casually twirled his fork. 

They were at some ridiculously fancy place located in the base of a hotel. Normally, Barnes would have outright refused to enter, but the dining area was broken up into several smaller rooms. The one they were seated in looked like a two story tall library with the occasional table placed on the ground floor. No surprise why Loki chose the place. 

It also helped that at this point, Loki had learned just to bribe the staff into ignoring the fact that Barnes wasn’t dressed up. 

His shirt and hoodie were clean. That should be good enough.

“You sure they can handle it?” Barnes asked. 

“Yes. They’ve already made a name for themselves by taking down an extremely well connected kingpin. Most of it was done pro bono, too.” A sly little smirk settled on Loki’s face. “Most of the clients, it seems, are fellow denizens of Hell’s Kitchen. That’s where their office is.”

Whatever memories Barnes had of that neighborhood growing up were long since lost in a haze of electricity. He had to assume it lived up to its name, though. 

“They need money,” he said.

“Indeed they do.” Loki nodded. 

Barnes poked at his rhubarb cobbler. He’d taken one look at the lunch menu and skipped straight to the desserts. 

_Suckling pig. Who even eats that?_ He stifled a sigh and looked around the room again, ever and always vigilant for threats. 

“Even if they need the cash, something tells me that those two need a bit more than that to take on a case.” 

“Also true,” Loki said, nodding in agreement. He’d gotten some kind of fish dish. Barnes could smell the lemon and herbs that were rubbed into it, though it didn’t look cooked. 

Hell, it didn’t look eatable. More like a table display, set up to be visually enjoyed before feeding it to the dogs. 

Barnes had been one of those dogs, once. 

_Fuck,_ he thought, and rubbed his eyes. As quickly and as efficiently as he could, he thrust that particular thought far away and focused on the sweet-tart flavor of his dish. He was here, right now. Sitting and enjoying lunch. 

Deep breaths. 

“However, I think when they’ve heard what we have to say, they will be ready and eager to take the case. Your circumstances are quite unique, and win or lose, this would be very good publicity.” Loki took a bite.

“What happens if they say no?” There was the kicker. What might bite them in the ass. 

Okay, one of the many things that might bite them in the ass. 

“They are bound by attorney-client privilege. It would be unethical for them to mention something to anyone else. And even if they did, they wouldn’t be able to find us.” Loki shrugged and took an incredibly dainty bite. Barnes nodded. He’d disappeared before. He could do it again. Extra easy with Loki’s teleportation. 

“We’re headed there after this, aren’t we.” As much as he didn’t want to go, Barnes prefered to get it over with. Fuck, this was going to suck.

“Not quite yet. We need to wait for the right time. I’d like to get one of them alone.” 

“Why?”

The grin he got in response was not at all encouraging. “You’ll see.”

\--

“The guy is blind? Really?” Barnes sat with Loki on a rooftop several blocks away from their potential lawyer’s office. In addition to whatever entrance Loki had planned, Barnes wanted to do a little recon before outing themselves to a couple of total strangers. 

“It’s perfect!” Loki said, gesturing broadly. “What better way to ensure that he hears us out first before attempting to call the police?”

A snort escaped Barnes. “I suppose it’s pretty helpful for avoid identification by wanted posters.” 

He focused in the view on his binoculars. The office had two men and a woman; the lawyers and their secretary, from what it looked like. They also had a lobby full of people. Clients, clearly. All of them from the poorer side of town, from the looks of their clothes. Papers were everywhere and folding furniture abounded. Looked like Loki was right in his assessment. 

“We just need to watch them for a bit. See when the blind fellow will be alone for a while, then we can make our approach. He can bring his colleagues on board, if he decides to take the case.”

Barnes grunted in agreement. That was the smart way to play this. 

He just hoped it would pan out.

\--

The next day, he showed up to watch alone. Loki had gotten bored within moments of even talking about a stakeout. If there was one thing Barnes didn’t want to consider, it was what Loki might come up with when he was bored on a rooftop. 

So Barnes gathered up his binoculars, a thermos of hot chocolate, and a large bag of snacks and then settled in to watch. 

Hours at the office were long and busy. The blond woman arrived early with coffee and bagels in tow. The other two weren’t far behind. Clients filled in fairly quickly after that, and bustled in and out all day long. There was often an hour long lunch. All three of them stayed late, and left together. 

The pattern repeated itself again over the next few days, though it was a toss up who arrived at the office first. 

By the second day of watching, Barnes had decided lunchtime was their ticket in. They just needed to wait for a day where the blind man was left in the office alone. Then they could just teleport in. 

Loki agreed, and let him know that he would wait for Barnes’ call.

On the third day of Barnes’ watch, midway through the afternoon he got a guest.

He was quietly munching on a sandwich when, literally, out of the blue sky someone dropped next to him on the rooftop ledge. Some idiot in red and blue spandex. It only took half a heartbeat for Barnes to have a gun trained on him.

But the tights wearing idiot didn’t move to attack. He just sat there, crouched on the ledge. 

Barnes hesitated. He didn’t really want to kill anyone today if he didn’t have to. Besides, Hydra wouldn’t have waited. Hell, the Avengers wouldn’t have either.

“Hey there, my man!” The moment he opened his mouth, Barnes knew this guy couldn’t be more than a teenager. Fucking kids, holy shit. “Just your friendly neighborhood Spiderman here! I, uh, saw you scoping out the building over yonder and was kinda wondering what you might be up to?”

Jesus fucking Christ, no matter how annoying this kid was, Barnes wasn’t going to shoot a kid. He holstered his gun. Spiderman tilted his head in curiosity, but didn’t seem to be any more or less alarmed. 

He didn’t seem alarmed at all, actually.

“I’m just watching. Not here to hurt anyone.” _Yeah, because that was convincing._ Barnes wanted to bury his face in his hands at that statement, but couldn’t quite convince himself to let a potential enemy out of line of sight. 

“Which is why you have a gun,” Spiderman said slowly, like he wasn’t quite sure the correlation. 

“Kid, it’s fucking New York. Even little old ladies have guns. Dropping in on people like that, how haven’t you gotten shot yet?”

“I’m pretty fast. Not like, bullet fast, but fast. I usually just move out of the way.” Spiderman scratched his head. “Still. I’m kinda not convinced you’re here doing good things? You a cop on a stake out or something?”

Barnes sighed. He could try to lie. Something told him he probably wasn’t any good at it anymore, though. Might as well try out honesty. Loki was gonna stab him for this. “Nope. I’m just trying to figure out if I can trust some lawyers. I kinda suck at talking to people, though, so I figured I’d watch them first.”

Spiderman looked over in the direction that Barnes was facing, and then perked up. “Oh my god, are you talking about Nelson and Murdock? Those guys are amaaaaazing!” Then he plopped down on the ledge and kicked his feet like the child he clearly fucking was.

Maybe if Barnes closed his eyes tight enough this would go away.

Nope.

“Good to know they’ve got a good reputation. They nice guys, too? Or just good at their jobs?”  
With a sigh, Barnes dug through his snack bag and offered the kid a half sandwich. Fuck, he was skinny as Steve used to be. “Eat up. Christ, kid, you look like a stiff wind could blow you over.”

“Oooooo! Food!” Spiderman made grabby hands and a bit of webbing shot from his wrist and brought the sandwich right to him. He cradled it against his chest while his fingers wiggled with glee. “What kind?”

“That one is ham and cheese.” Bucky pulled the other half out for himself and nibbled on the corner. 

Spiderman lifted up the lower half of his mask, anchoring it on his nose, and then proceeded to devour the half-sandwich. This didn’t stop him from trying to talk mid-bite. “Mmrff, this is really good! Thanks!” 

As the last crumb disappeared, Barnes tossed him another half-sandwich. He wasn’t gonna eat it anyways. Might as well let it go to use. And if Spiderman made a happy little noise at the sight of more food, well, that was just an added bonus. 

“So. They good people?” he prodded. Pumping the local costumed vigilante for information wasn’t really how he expected the day to go, but sure. Why not.

At least he hoped Spiderman was a vigilante, and not some completely delusional soon-to-be villain. He might have to reconsider he stance on shooting him.

Maybe just shoot him in the leg. Or arm. A nice non-lethal spot. 

He frowned as he thought of Steve’s Disappointed Face being leveled at him. Maybe he could just choke Spiderman out. Surely that wouldn’t be an issue. 

“Mr. Murdock is super nice. He and Mr. Nelson helped out Mrs. Carlono when she was having trouble with her landlord? And then afterwards they let her pay in empanadas. Which, I mean, they’re super tasty, so I can see why they’d take that as payment. But for real, most lawyers probably wouldn’t do that. Hey, so what did you say your name was?”

Barnes blinked. Fuck, did this kid ever stop to breathe?

“James,” he said, for lack of anything better. It felt weird to tell a stranger to call him Barnes, especially since he didn’t really want anyone to make the connection between Sergeant Barnes and him. Not that anyone had a reason to, but still. James was at least a significantly more common name. “Do you think…” Words caught in his throat as he tried to work out just what to say. “I mean. Mrs. Carlono sounds pretty nice,” he finished lamely. 

“Oh dude, are you in trouble with the mob? You look like you could be in trouble with the mob.”

“What?” _The fuck was this kid even going on about?_ “No. I’m not in trouble with the mob. I just-- Life’s kinda sucked for a while for me.” He sighed. 

Spiderman jumped to his feet and facepalmed. “You’re a vet! I mean, I didn’t want to assume, but you kinda look like it? What with all the paranoia and the muscles. Not that all vets are paranoid, that’s absolutely not true and totally not something I should assume. It’s just, sometimes that happens. But, like, yeah. Karen? Their secretary? She’s got a huge soft spot for vets. They’ll totally help you out. Just, like, quit being a creeper and go talk to them.”

He then hopped up onto the ledge again and waved. “I gotta go. Gotta keep patroling and stuff, but hey thanks for the sandwich!”

With that he fell right off the side of the building. A second later, he was sailing through the air, swinging along on some kind of rope or webbing. 

“Fucking New York.” Barnes shook his head and went back to watching.

The next day he brought extra sandwiches. Spiderman joined him again in the late afternoon. They spent twenty minutes arguing about the Yankees while eating lunch. 

Weirdly enough, it was kind of easier to force himself to eat if there was someone else around to eat with.  
\--


	7. Chapter 7

By the fifth day, he and Loki got their opportunity. It was a semi-slow day, and Karen and the blond lawyer had just left for their lunch break. The coast was clear. 

One quick call on a burner phone and Loki portaled over to pick him up. Then the two of them portaled right into the lobby of Nelson and Murdock. 

“Hello?” the blind lawyer called out from his office. “Did someone come in? I’m afraid we’re closed for lunch.”

Barnes walked into the office and stood awkwardly behind one of the chairs there. He didn’t fidget, but he kind of wanted to. Loki trailed behind him, though he didn’t bother to fully come into the room. Instead, he just lingered by the doorway. That worked out just fine with Barnes. Safer if one of them was keeping watch. 

“Um. Hi. I’m sorry to bother you on your lunch break. But we, I, have a case and I was really hoping you would at least hear me out?” He’d been practicing those lines for days, hoping to not sound like too much of an idiot. 

“Please, take a seat.” The man smiled at him, and gestured towards the chairs. “My name’s Matt Murdock. And you are?”

He took a breath, stealing himself. The plates on his arm recalibrated up and down. “Just so I’m sure. This...this is privileged information? You won’t tell anyone else?”

“Your name?” Murdock raised his eyebrows in surprise and then tilted his head. “Yes. We’ll consider this a free consultation, though I reserve the right to refuse to take your case.”

Now or never. 

Fuck. 

“James Buchanan Barnes.” 

Silence. 

A whole lot of silence. Fuck, that probably wasn’t a good sign. Barnes’ arm recalibrated again.

“Are you telling me that you’re Bucky Barnes? Captain America’s best friend from the 40’s? Member of the Howling Commandos? Or just some guy with parents who think they’re funny.” There wasn’t a trace of disbelief or sarcasm in Murdock’s voice. He might as well have been asking what the weather was like. 

“Yeah. I’m that James Barnes.” He shifted awkwardly behind the chair.

“Alright.” Murdock shrugged. “What can I do for you Sergeant?” 

Relief sweet as honey poured through him, and he sat down with a thud. Even if Murdock wouldn’t help them, they’d gotten past the first hurdle. Barnes didn’t even have to show him the cybernetic arm.

_That’s probably coming up, though,_ he thought with no little resignation. Time for the next problem.

“Call me Barnes. Please.” Murdock nodded. “Um. Have you listened to the news at all about the stuff that happened in DC?”

“You mean the helicarriers and SHIELD? Yeah. I mean, I haven’t really looked into it, but I know the basics,” Murdock said, still pleasant as could be.

“Yeah,” Barnes said with a nod. He hadn’t really talked about this with anyone. Not even Loki. Not really, anyways. They’d edged around some of the stuff that he’d been through, but all this bullshit wasn’t something he was really ready to talk about. 

To be fair, he hadn’t really pressed Loki about the baggage he clearly had, either.

“Yeah,” Barnes said again, gathering himself for the explanation. _Just keep breathing._ “So. Hydra. They---” A massive lump in his throat popped up. Fuck, this wasn’t gonna work if he couldn’t talk at all.

“Pardon me, but would you mind if we recorded this? It’ll be easier than me trying to take notes, and if I decide to bring your case to my partner, he’ll need this information, too.” Murdock tapped his hand on a tape recorder sitting on his desk, though he didn’t turn it on.

At the mere mention of a recording, Barnes stiffened up. 

“If you chose not to accept the case, we will destroy the tape,” Loki said from behind. That gave Barnes another moment to get his brain together, and he was grateful for it.

“Of course. May I have your name?” Murdock smiled over in Loki’s direction. It wasn’t a very convincing smile, but it was very polite. 

“He’s a friend,” Barnes said, surprising himself with the fact that those words were true. “Hear me out, and if you’re still on board, we’ll get to him.”

“Alright. I’m going to start the tape now.” After a few button presses on the recorder, Murdock folded his hands in front of him on the desk and smiled. “How can Nelson and Murdock help you?”

Barnes gathered his wits, and began. “Hydra. So you know that they were behind the whole SHIELD helicarrier mess, right?” Murdock nodded. “Yeah, well. They had me. For a long time.”

His mouth was dry. So very dry. All of the sounds of the outside world faded away as he tried to dig up the very things that haunted him the most. 

“History says you fell out of a train,” Murdock said, prodding him into continuing.

“Yeah. That happened. Lost my arm on the fall.” The metal plates recalibrated up and down as he twitched his fingers. “Hydra found me. Or the Russians. It’s pretty blurry. But Hydra were the ones that kept me. Gave me a new arm. Did a bunch of things.”

It was gratifying to see that Murdock was taking him seriously. Or at least he was pretending to. That was enough. He didn’t have to believe them in order to represent them. It would just be more convenient if he did. 

“Torture.” Murdock’s face was serious.

“Yeah.” Barnes’ voice was harsh and low, but he was able to get the words out. That’s all that mattered. “It’s pretty fucking blurry. They did all the usual things first. God the Nazis were fucked up. Steve and us Howlies, we found one of the camps, you know? Christ, those people. I remember thinking that if I were in their shoes, I’d want a bullet. I’d already been on Zola’s table once. I couldn’t stand the thought of going back.” A bitter, broken laugh clawed right out of him. “But that’s right back where I went. Zola’s table. Years and years and years. Conditioning and pain and all the shit I can barely remember but wish I could just fucking forget. All the conditioning. The surgeries. And then the Chair.”

Cold metal tables. Stone cells. Pain. Pain. Pain. Orders and more pain. The smell of ozone and blood.

“Barnes? Mr. Barnes?”

Shit, he was panting. Breathing way to hard. Heartbeat pounding in his skull. _Get your shit together, Barnes._

He focused on the breath burning in his lungs. The smell of shitty coffee and the stink of old building. 

“They made me their Asset.” He said finally. “The Winter Soldier.” Murdock twitched, and Barnes’ bitter laugh returned. “Yeah. That. Electrocuted the thoughts right out of me. For seventy fucking years. Jesus fuck, all those people.”

He stared at his hands in his lap. If all the blood he’d ever spilt was there in that room, they all would drown from it. Rivers and waterfalls out the windows, there would be so much.

“How are you still alive, Barnes,” Murdock asked quietly.

“Zola,” he croaked out, still staring at the ocean of blood on his hands. “The first time he’d gotten me, he was trying to recreate Steve. The super soldier serum. Testing it out on prisoners. Lucky me, some of it seemed to stick. Enough to survive the fall. When they got me again, they kept testing. Perfecting. Training. They started wiping me, my mind, sending me on missions, and once I was done they’d put me in cryostasis until the next mission. Frozen solid for however long they needed.” Loki moved behind him, but Barnes was too distracted to really take any notice. 

“How did you get out?”

“Steve.” Barnes looked up at him. For a moment he wished Murdock wasn’t blind, so he could see just how fucking much that name still wrecked him. At the same time, he was grateful that he couldn’t. Fucking selfish, but there it was. “People started sniffing around Project Insight and they sent me out. First for Director Fury, then for Steve. Steve saw me, saw my face. He---” Tears burned down Barnes’ cheeks. He ignored them. Murdock couldn’t see and Loki would grant him the privacy of not looking. As long as he didn’t acknowledge them, no one would ever know they were there. “I knew him. After all that time, when every part of me was gone, I still knew him.”

“Good Lord,” Murdock whispered. 

“Ha. Yeah.” Barnes swallowed hard. His throat hurt so bad, but he had to finish up. Had to say the words just to get them out in the world, if only once. “When I was returned to base of operations, I tried to ask my handler, Pierce, about it. I said I knew him, the man on the bridge. I’d never known anyone, not ever before. But there was this man who I knew. I couldn’t understand why I was supposed to kill him. It was a malfunction. So they ripped the knowledge of it out of me again. Put me in the Chair and burned it from my brain.”

He’d screamed. It felt like he’d screamed for hours. There were nights where he woke up, screaming again. Feeling the memories torn from him. Mornings where he’d sit and try to recount every little fact that he knew, in hopes that he hadn’t forgotten anything. 

Again, Murdock came to the rescue, prompting him when he’d gotten lost in his own head. “But Captain Rogers stopped you. Stopped them.”

Barnes scoffed. “Fucking punk. Fought me just long enough to make sure the carriers went down, and then he fucking let me nearly kill him. Said we were friends. That he’d rather die than hurt me anymore. That he was still with me to the end of the line. And then I remembered. I knew him. _I knew him._ ”

Tears soaked his shirt. He sniffed hard and went back to staring at his hands. Could a river of tears wash away an ocean of blood? Barnes didn’t think so. But he’d been wrong before. 

“I left him on the shore, and then disappeared.” Barnes said quietly. “I drifted for a while. Couldn’t remember what it was like to be a person. Didn’t think I should even bother.”

“What changed?”

A short laugh burst out of him, and he sniffed and rubbed his nose. “This asshole behind me found me in an alleyway and annoyed the shit out of me until I ate something.”

At that point, Loki sat down in the seat next to Barnes. “Indeed. And now what we need his Barnes’ name cleared of all charges. He’s wanted for acts of terrorism and murder. But none of those things were his fault. He acted under extreme duress.” 

“Again, I’d really like to know who you are.” Murdock said, this time his smile reminded Barnes of a hunter who’d caught scent of his prey.

“I’m the gentleman who will be paying all of your legal fees,” Loki replied smoothly.

“Still need a name.” Murdock tapped his fingers together.

Barnes could see Loki gather himself. It wasn’t really a physical shift, maybe just a slight straightening of the back, but there was a change in the feel of the room. A sense of power. 

“I am Loki, of nowhere, and for right this moment, my purpose is to reunite Barnes and his captain.” The words were spoke almost formally, as if they were some type of ritual greeting. 

“Loki,” Murdock said. That one word carried all the disbelief that he should have been expressing through all of Barnes’ story.

“Wait,” Barnes interrupted. “Why do you have to introduce yourself by telling people that you’re trying to get me laid?”

Murdock started to choke, sputtering so hard that he nearly doubled over, while Loki just smiled sweetly. “I hadn’t said that at all, but now you have. Well done.”

_Fuck._ Barnes winced hard and covered his face with his hand. “God, I think I fucking hate you. Mr. Murdock, that’s not why-- I’m not-- Steve would never---”

“What Barnes is trying to say is that he’s incredibly repressed, and has never broached the subject with his Captain. We’ll work on that next.” That shark-grin made an appearance on Loki’s face again and Barnes face burned like radiation.

“Oh my God, I think I’m dying,” Murdock whispered as he choked. 

“No. No dying. Please,” Barnes said, putting a hand on the desk. “Loki. I fucking swear, if you kill our lawyer I will murder you.” Loki just snorted. “Fine! I will fucking burn all of your books!”

“You wouldn’t.” The words came out in a hiss, and Loki’s hands started to glow.

“Fucking watch me,” Barnes growled back, and shifted his right hand towards one of his hidden knives.

“Gentlemen, that’s enough,” Murdock said loudly. “Yes, I would greatly prefer it if I didn’t die, but barring an unfortunate accident--” he paused and tilted his head in Loki’s direction, “I think we’re okay here.” He took a deep breath, held it a moment, and then sighed. “Loki. Thor’s brother. The one who was responsible for the Battle of New York.”

“Indeed.” There was something off with Loki’s voice. From looking at Murdock’s face, he didn’t seem to catch it. 

Barnes thought back to Loki’s nightmare and what he’d been screaming.

“Alright. I’m...I’m gonna need to talk to my partner about this. Sergeant Barnes, if what you’re saying is true, I think you have a very defensible case. One that absolutely should be brought to the court’s attention. But. You. Loki.” He opened his mouth. Then shut it. Then ran his tongue over his teeth. “I need to know that you aren’t a threat to anyone. Not the city. Not the Avengers. No one.”

Loki rolled his eyes so hard it was practically a sound. “I’ve no reason to get into an altercation with them. Though I will defend myself if needs be.”

“Right.” He scrunched his face up tight and then rubbed his mouth. “I still very much need to talk this over with my partner.”

“We’ll wait here,” Loki said primly. 

“Yeah. I’m. Just gonna.” Murdock pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and stumbled out of the room. 

“How much do you want to bet that he calls the police?” Loki asked quietly.

“You know damn well I am never, ever taking any bet with you,” Barnes replied. 

They listened quietly as Murdock made a slightly panicked call to someone named ‘Foggy’. Instead of rejoining them in his office afterwards, Murdock stood quietly in the other room and ground his teeth. 

Which was fair. If Barnes was in his shoes, he’d want to have a few minutes to process, too. Conveniently, this also gave Barnes some time to pull himself together. Probably a lost cause considering he’d have to go over everything again with the partner, but still. It might help. Maybe keep him at a low grade anxiety attack rather than a full blow murderous episode. 

Sooner than he expected, the partner and the secretary burst in through the door.

“Matty, tell me you were joking,” the partner said, clearly the ‘Nelson’ part of Nelson and Murdock. His suit was as cheap as Murdock’s but a little lighter on colors. Where Murdock was trim and fit, Nelson was soft and scraggly. 

Loki opened the office door and leaned on the door jamb. Barnes craned his head over to peek out around him. Seeing the partner and the secretary upclose didn’t do much to change Barnes’ impression of them. Then again, it’s not like he hadn’t been spying on them for a week before making contact. 

“Holy shit you were not joking,” Nelson whispered.

“He was not,” Loki said with a predatory smile. The tone of voice left Barnes rolling his eyes. 

“Right. Shit. Um. Hi.” A large and clearly fake smile plastered itself across Nelson’s face. “My name is Franklin Nelson, but everyone calls me Foggy. This is Ms. Page.” He gestured at the woman standing next to them. “She makes sure the office doesn’t fall into a sinkhole.”

Page stood behind him with her jaw dropped. She blinked hard a couple times. “Loki. Loki who blew up New York.”

“Well, I mean, not _personally_. I had help.” Loki smirked. 

“Not the time,” Barnes muttered, and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“He’s not our client, he’s just---” Murdock started. 

Before he could finish, Page stalked up to Loki and punched him in the face. 

“---here as a friend,” he said with a wince.

Loki licked his lips and smiled at her, batting his eyelashes. “Oooh, harder please.”

She punched him again. This time, he paused for a half second longer before turning to smile at her. 

_Oh god, this is gonna go on forever._ Barnes sighed. 

Right as Loki was opening his mouth to say something else, Barnes got up and put a hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Enough. She will keep punching you and I will sit here and laugh.”

“Holyshitholyshit it’s Bucky Barnes,” Foggy whispered, reaching over to grab Murdock’s arm. “ _It is Bucky Barnes_. Oh my god I had a Bucky Bear when I was a kid.”

Murdock snorted. “You had it in college, too.” 

“Matty!” Foggy’s voice came out in a low hiss.

“So it really looks like him?” Murdock was still whispering for some reason. As if everyone else wasn’t standing right there listening to them both have a minor freakout in the corner. 

“Beefier than the pictures kinda led me to believe? He’s got this whole long-hair, scruffy, I’m Too Badass To Care About How Awesome I Look thing going on, but yeah. Dead ringer. Which honestly isn’t doing me any favors because you know how long I had a poster of him up in my bedroom?”

“Also through college.”

“Bingo. The Loki guy…I donno? I guess? I mean, there weren’t a lot of pictures of him without the muzzle.” Foggy tilted his head and squinted.

“No shit,” Barnes said. He turned to Loki, eyebrows arched in surprise. “They put you in a muzzle, too?”

Loki nodded and rolled his eyes hard. “It’s not even like there’s a verbal component to my spell casting. Thor was just being an ass.”

“Figures. Mine, they had me in it all the time. Like, out on missions it was at least kinda useful you know?” Barnes mimed covering the lower half of his face with one hand. “Kept out gasses. That kinda thing. But fuck, afterwards they’d give me one with a mouth piece.” A shudder crawled up his spine, one that Loki mirrored.

“Thankfully, mine was missing that. Though they did lock it to my face. As if my hands weren’t already chained.” Loki held up his hands and anchored his wrists together.

“They used to do that to mine in the beginning. After a while they didn’t need to. Only so many times you can get beaten with a stun baton before you learn not to touch,” he said dryly. 

“Electricity.” Loki’s voice dripped with disdain. “Never introduce my brother to your old handlers. They might give him ideas.”

Barnes shrugged. “I mean, I wouldn’t be sad if he decided he needed to go level the fuck out of whatever is left of them. But, yeah. They were really good with the zapping.” He made finger guns with his hands and made shooting motions.

“Oh my god,” Foggy whispered. 

Shit. There were other people in the room. Other people who were standing around with their jaws dropped and eyes wide in horror. 

The plates on Barnes’ arm recalibrated up and down, and he felt his face heat up a bit. _Too casual there, Barnes,_ he thought to himself. _Don’t scare off the nice lawyers. Heh, not until they asked to be scared anyways._

“I can see why you two became friends,” Murdock said evenly, although his eyebrows were still lodged somewhere near his hairline. 

“Oh, speaking of,” Loki turned to Barnes, on hand upraised. “Do you want some kind of face plate with your armor? Helmet maybe?”

“...Armor?” Barnes blinked. 

“I mean, as long as I’m getting your arm fixed, I might as well make sure you are fully armored as well.” Loki looked briefly to the side. “Just in case.”

“Why do you need armor?” Foggy asked. “Because I’m really not down with villainy. Like, you two aren’t gonna run off and take over the world? Because, yeah, very not okay with that. Karen will punch you again. And I will ask her to.” He pointed at Page and nodded furiously. Page cracked her knuckles.

“For fuck’s sake, no.” Barnes took a breath. “I told you this was a bad idea.”

“You’re the one who wants to go see your captain.” Loki rolled his eyes.

 

“No! No, I’m not! You’re the one who wanted me to. I was perfectly fine under my bridge overpass.” Barnes pinched the bridge of his nose and glared at Loki.

The look he got back was eloquent. It only made him glare harder. 

“So!” Murdock interrupted. “How about you two join us in my office, and we’ll talk more about your case.” His smile was very cordial and somewhat less fake than his earlier ones had been. 

A deep, heartfelt weariness flowed over Barnes. He did _not_ want to go talk more about this. But when had life ever given him what he wanted?

“Yeah. Sure. Fuck it.” He stepped back in and dropped down in his previous chair. “What can I fill you in on?”

Page pulled out a legal pad, and everyone filed in. 

“Let’s start at the top,” Nelson said with a smile.

Of fucking course.

\--

Several hours later, They’d managed to make it through far more material than Barnes had thought possible. Not only because of the volume, but the content as well. 

It was painful, talking about everything that had happened. Even thinking about it made him feel unclean. They had to take several breaks, and not just for him. More than once one of the lawyers or Ms. Page had to excuse themselves. They were polite about it, but Barnes’ sensitive hearing could pick up the sounds of them vomiting or sobbing in another room. 

Loki remained impassive as ever, but there was a pensive quality to his blankness. A stillness that Barnes knew based on experience that meant that Loki was just as affected as the others. 

In the end, Murdock and Foggy, and even Ms. Page, had all agreed to take the case. Their tentative plan was to get all of the legwork and research done beforehand, and then they could take the case to the authorities whenever Barnes decided to go public. 

“Right now we have the advantage of time,” Murdock said. “No one knows where you are, so we can work to make this as air tight as possible before anyone else catches on. Our big problem is gonna be evidence.”

“Talk to Captain Rogers,” Loki said. “He would do anything for Barnes, and no doubt he and his fellows have been scrambling for information. If you say who you are representing, I’ve no doubt he’ll give you everything he has.”

Murdock nodded thoughtfully. “Barnes. You’re our client, officially, and you stipulated you wanted privacy. Do we have your permission to contact Captain Rogers on your behalf?”

That was a whole can of worms Barnes wasn’t sure he wanted open. He closed his eyes and tried to think it through. They needed that evidence, those files that Steve no doubt sent the Widow out to gather up. But the last thing Barnes needed was Steve busting in here, or staking the place out, eager to catch sight of Barnes. 

The other option was raiding Hydra bases himself. While that held some interest, he would be severely handicapped with only one fully functional limb. Not to mention his lack of gear. Though Loki might decide to help. 

That could be just as dangerous as it was helpful, and there was no guarantee that Loki would go for it. Might be better to see if Steve would cooperate first. Barnes could always start running raids after. 

Fuck, he just wanted to sleep. 

After a minute or two thinking about it, Barnes said, “You can tell him you represent me, but I don’t want him to know you’ve met me.”

“Perhaps say a third party contacted you?” Loki smirked. “It wouldn’t even be a lie.”

Barnes shook his head. “He wouldn’t believe it. After all, that third party could be anyone.”

“Maybe you could write him a letter?” Murdock tilted his head and half-shrugged.

That...that idea had merit. He could leave it vague enough that it wouldn’t help out anyone who wasn’t Steve. Some of the things they used to say, the way they used to talk to each other, that was as good as any spy’s code words. Steve would know it was him.

After thinking it over, Barnes said, “Sure. I can write something up.” 

“Sounds good,” Foggy said, giving him a thumbs up. 

A tired silence filled the room. The sun had long since set, and they’d all missed dinner. Barnes wasn’t hungry in the slightest, though. The weight of the day filled him up, bitter and poisonous. Being alone sounded both appealing and terrible. He was already worn to a thread, but there was a dark, restlessness inside of him. It wasn’t a stretch to think that if he left alone, something bad would happen. He’d make sure of it.

“Hey, do you two wanna go to the bar?” Ms. Page asked suddenly. 

“Pardon?” Loki blinked at her.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m still considering punching you again. But, like, today kind of sucked. You look like you could use a drink.” She offered Barnes a small smile. 

“Like, a thousand drinks. All the drinks.” Foggy nodded along, eyes wide. “Seriously, Matty, I’ve never seen anyone look so tired. Although you come close sometimes.”

Murdock rubbed a hand over his face. “Thanks Foggy.”

“No prob, bro!” Foggy slapped his back. “So. Bar? We know a great one. They have this eel...”

“You know what? Fuck it. Sure. It’s my turn anyways,” Barnes said. He looked over to Loki and raised an eyebrow. 

“It is your turn to choose.” Loki waved at them. “Lead on.”

\--

Josie’s had to be the shitiest dive bar in all of Hell’s Kitchen. Small, crowded, and dark, the place practically reeked of old, spilled alcohol. Random bits of junk decorated the walls and a couple of small TVs were mounted above the bar. The other customers looked as well worn as the bar itself, and all of them were clearly locals. 

Barnes _loved_ it. As soon as they walked in, Loki peeled off to get them a table and Barnes went and bought himself several bottles of booze. 

He was pretty solidly sure he couldn’t get drunk, almost nothing actually worked on him, but hell if he was going to try. Knowing Loki’s tastes by then, he picked up a bottle of something a little on the more refined side. Or at least as refined as this beautiful shithole could supply. 

“Whoa, bottles man?” Foggy said. His eyebrows arched up high. “Ambitious! I like it!”

A few glasses were passed around and shots were poured. While he was pouring, Murdock wandered up to the bar for a moment to order some kind of fried grease platter for the table to share. Nice thought, but Barnes knew he would only pick at it and he was certain that Loki wouldn’t touch it at all. The humans in the group would probably need a nice base for their drinking, though, so it was still a good plan. 

As soon as Murdock rejoined them, the first round went down without another word. 

“Fuck,” Murdock said with a wince, shaking his head at the burn in his throat. “More.” He waved his hand at Barnes. 

“You’re not a lightweight, are you Murdock?” Barnes asked. “Don’t wanna be dragging you home.” Truthfully, Barnes didn’t really care. He could probably carry a truck home and not have it be a bother. That didn’t really seem like the time to mention that, though. 

“My buddy, Matty, here is the opposite of lightweight,” Foggy said with a grin, and slapped Murdock on the back. “I bet you he can drink you both under the table.”

“I’m a super soldier and he is literally a god.” Barnes pointed at Loki, his voice was filled with utter disbelief. 

“I can’t believe you reminded them.” Loki pouted for a moment. “We could have gotten free drinks.”

“No. No, we are not starting out this business endeavor by swindling our paid council.” 

Fuck glasses. Why not drink straight from the bottle?

He took a swig of...whatever the fuck it was he bought. Didn’t taste like alcohol. Wasn’t this stuff supposed to burn? He double checked the label just to make sure he didn’t get some kind of weird mineral water by mistake. 

Nope. Whiskey. 

He sighed. Fucking Nazis. 

“I don’t even care right now,” Page declared. “I just want to drink until I forget this afternoon.”

Barnes held up his bottle in toast, and then drained it. 

Just like drinking water. He sighed. 

“Shit. That is impressive. Matty, he just drank a whole fifth of Jack. Like, in one pull,” Foggy said, eyes still wide. 

There was a pause, and then Page looked at Foggy. “You’re still thinking about your college poster, aren’t you?”

“Oh my god, yes.” Foggy nodded, eyes a touch too wide. 

The rest of them snorted. Even Loki looked amused. 

“It kinda sucks that you can’t even get drunk,” Page said, finger playing with her glass. He just shrugged. It was hardly the worst part of what he had to deal with. 

“I have a question. If it’s alright. And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Foggy said, right before he slammed down a second shot.

A tiny pool of dread filled up in Barnes’ stomach. No matter what was asked, chances were good he wouldn’t be able to answer. And if he could, the answer would probably be horrible. Oh well. At least they all were drinking already. “Shoot.”

“Do you condition?” Foggy waved a finger at his own head. Murdock snorted so hard he started coughing. “Because wow. Looking great. I’ve got this whole regimen, but, like, it maybe could use some work…”

It took him a few moments to figure out what the fuck Foggy was talking about, but once he did he started cackling. “Fucking _haircare_? That’s your burning question? Not what’s Captain America like, or how far can I shoot, or how many people do you think I’ve killed. Do I condition?”

“The people must know,” Murdock said with faux seriousness, while Page giggled next to him. 

The tension eased a bit after that, and things relaxed further once food arrived. 

Bucky picked at a french fry. It was coated in some kind of artificial cheese sauce that stank of plastic and metal. The look on Loki’s face when he took a bite was priceless. 

He grabbed a second fry.

“So why’d you decide to go dig up Barnes?” Page pointed at Loki, her eyes narrowed into a scowl. There wasn’t even a hint of drunkenness to her voice. Barnes was a little impressed.

 

“I was bored,” Loki said airily. 

She squinted more at him. “Bored. Why not try to take over the world again?”

“Because that worked out so well last time.” Loki’s voice was absolutely dripping with sarcasm. 

Page smirked at him. “The Avengers did pretty much kick your ass.” 

The grin she got back was Loki’s shark-smile, and it made Barnes sit up and pay attention. This was treading on dangerous ground, though maybe not because of what Page thought. No, more likely it was because as far as Barnes had gathered, Loki probably wasn’t one hundred percent in charge of his actions when he attacked New York. 

Not that Loki would ever admit that. 

“I thought we’d already established my typical response to adversity,” Loki said sweetly.

The disgust was plain on her face, but before she could say another word, Barnes held up his hand to her. “Enough. You. Pick a different subject.” He turned to Loki. “You. Quit baiting her.”

Page settled back into her seat and Loki did the same. 

Then Loki reached into his suit jacket. A small flicker of green light flashed in the depths of his coat and then he pulled out an ornate bronze flask. Beautiful serpents coiled down its length and an apple was featured in the center. 

“I am too sober for this nonsense.” Loki rolled his eyes and took a swig. Then he passed it to Barnes. 

 

“Wait, what now?” Barnes said in confusion. He craned his neck to look into the hole at the top of the flask, but all he could see was black inside. 

“If these three are just going to prod me about the last in a very long line of failures that were followed by being nearly beaten to death, I am going to get drunk. I’m not getting drunk alone. Drink it,” Loki snarled at Barnes. Page, Murdock, and Foggy all winced. 

Barnes took a drink.

It was like swallowing death; hot corrosive sludge that tasted like drinking molten metal. There were stars behind his eyes for a second and already his head felt a little lighter.

“Whoa.” He blinked hard and enjoyed the slight numbing sensation that slowly spread through him. Barnes tried to look down into the flask again, but with similar results as earlier. He licked his lips. “You know that this is an incredibly bad idea, right Loki?”

“Oh yes, I am aware.” Loki grabbed the flask and took another drink.

Barnes considered the situation for a moment, and the shrugged. At least they were gonna get drunk together. After a day like he’d had, a little oblivion sounded fantastic. 

He would just have to make sure they stopped drinking before anything truly disastrous happened. 

\--

Barnes vomited into the toilet for what seemed like the five thousandth time, and wished for death. Every noise was like a hammer to his temple and white hot pain stabbed behind each eye. The sweet-sour stink of sweat and liquor filled his bathroom, powerful enough to cut through even the smell of puke. 

He rested his head on the toilet seat lid and silently cursed both himself and Loki.

_Make sure we stop drinking. Sure. That’ll work. Good job, me._

The two of them had drank until the bar kicked them out, and then they drank some more on the way home. As fucked up as they were, Barnes was still pleased he managed to convince Loki not to teleport them anywhere. Who the fuck knew where they would end up. Or in how many pieces.

It was a small consolation that Murdock, Page, and Nelson also got completely shitfaced. Barnes and Loki had seen them to Murdock’s apartment, and then had weaved their way home. 

On the bright side of things, for once in Barnes life, he actually remembered everything that happened. Aside from a few drunken rounds of singing, nothing truly terrible seemed to have happened. 

The singing was pretty bad though. Neither Barnes nor Loki had actually known any modern music lyrics. They’d ended up watching videos on Nelson’s phone just to get an idea of what the songs were supposed to be. 

All in all, things could have gone worse. 

The faint sound of retching in another part of the lair told Barnes that Loki was fairing about as well as he was. _Good,_ he thought savagely. _If he’s gonna pass that shit around, at least he gets to feel just fucking peachy in the morning, too._

Barnes absolutely did regret not being able to stick around to threaten the lawyers when they woke up, just to remind them that he and Loki weren’t to be trifled with. 

He sipped at some water and briefly considered attempting to leave them threatening coffee and I’m-Sorry-We-Got-You-Smashed donuts. Could coffee even be threatening? Maybe black coffee. From the war. That stuff was a punishment in and of itself. 

_Fuck it. If I get outta here in the next half hour, I’m doing it. Catch more flies with honey, right?_

The mere thought of the sweet taste of honey was enough to churn his stomach all over again. He set the water glass down just in time to vomit some more into the toilet. 

_Just. Fucking. Peachy._

\--


	8. Chapter 8

It was mid afternoon when Steve was summoned to Tony’s lab by Jarvis. While that wasn’t unheard of, it was a little unusual. So when he arrived it was with no little trepidation.

Before he even fully walked into the room, Tony was already yelling, “Capsicle! Get over here, you need to see this!”

‘This’ was a huge holoscreen that was playing what looked like a shitty youtube video.

Steve squinted a bit. A youtube video of drunk people singing, clearly filmed on a phone.

“Tony, why…?” he started to say.

“Shhhhh, just hang on with me here,” Tony said, waving him over absently, his eyes still glued to the projection. “Seriously, the lighting sucks at first here, but watch a minute.”

Two dark figures were leaning heavily on each other, arms slung over the other’s shoulder, and laughing hysterically in between song lyrics. The singing was atrocious and completely off key. 

“Jarvis does regular facial recognition sweeps for anyone the Avengers have on their wanted list and anyone in particular we’re looking for. Liiiiiike…” Tony pointed at the screen just as the phone that was filming turned on its flashlight. Suddenly the two singing figures were illuminated. 

“Bucky?” Steve breathed out. Because there was Bucky, flailing around like a drunk, singing arm in arm with another man.

“Bingo. Or rather. Probably not.” Tony typed away at a keyboard. “Here’s the image we have of the Winter Soldier. Or Barnes, anyways. Facial recognition software isn’t perfect, not even Jarvis’s, and the lighting here is still pretty shit, so we can’t really be sure if it’s him. But look who he’s with.”

If anything, that was a deeper shock. “Loki?” Steve’s jaw dropped. That made absolutely no sense. 

“Right? Not possible. And for, like, more than one reason. Not only is Loki not on this planet, but---” Tony rolled his eyes. “Okay, this is the part where I sound like a gossiping old aunty. Jane Foster told me that Erik Selvig told her that Thor told _him_ that Loki was dead. Died defending Asgard and all the realms, or some such bullshit.”

Thoughts flew through Steve’s head a million miles a second. Could it be Bucky and Loki? Was it even possible? The resemblance was striking. But the two of them looked so happy together. At ease in modern day clothing, laughing. Smiling. 

Clearly completely shitfaced drunk. 

“Also.” Tony waved at a green glowing dial that hung in the air. “Listen.”

“---a hard knock life! For us! Instead of treated, hahahaha, oh my god. We get tricked!” The maybe-Bucky covered up his face with one hand and just howled with laughter.

The maybe-Loki just guffawed next to him, face buried in maybe-Bucky’s shoulder. “We get tricked! Hahahahahaha! Instead of kisses, we get kicked!”

“It’s a hard knock life!” the two crowed together, amid a chorus of loud drunken laughter right into the phone speakers, likely from whoever was filming the whole affair. 

Then the phone light went off and the video was back to a group of darkened figures, cackling to themselves, slumped over a table. 

The video ended a few seconds later.

Steve just stood there with his jaw dropped. It took a few seconds to work up something to say, and even then all he could come up with was, “ _What_?”

“Now, as amusing as it is to entertain the idea of the Winter Soldier and Loki, God of Mischief and General Fuckery, sitting around drunk off their asses, singing Little Orphan Annie songs…” He paused and smirked. “And it is deeply amusing. Still, I don’t actually think it’s them.”

“You don’t?” Now Steve was utterly confused. “But---” He waved at the projection. 

“Oh sure, it’s a good likeness, and as far as Jarvis can tell it’s untampered with. However, the lighting blows chucks and the image is about as low res as a bigfoot video. My guess? These are look-alikes who decided to make a funny video.” Tony shrugged. “I mean, really? That song alone marks this as a complete troll.”

Whatever Tony was saying, Steve only followed about half of it. The end result was the same, though. This was just a hoax. 

For a minute, Steve was irrationally angry at Tony for even getting his hopes up. He squashed that down as soon as the thought came to mind. Regardless of how inaccurate or non-relevant the information might be, Steve knew himself well enough to know that he’d want to see it. Tony was doing him a favor.

Still…

“Do people actually do that? Make weird videos pretending to be other people?”

“Oh, Cap, you sweet, summer child,” Tony said with a chuckle. “Never, ever google Captain America videos. Especially with safe search off.”

A shiver crawled up Steve’s spine, and he forced out a short laugh. “Noted.” He thought for a moment longer. “Could I get a copy of this?”

“I’ve sent the link to your email,” Jarvis said. Tony pointed at the ceiling, pointed at Steve, and gave a quick thumbs up. Then he turned back to whatever was laying in pieces on his work bench. 

“Thanks, Tony,” Steve said. When all he got was a wave back, he took the hint and headed back to his floor. 

A half an hour later and he was still watching that video on repeat. 

Tony was right. The resolution was too rough and the room too dark to really make a positive ID. Bucky’s face had changed enough that Steve couldn’t really be positive that he was looking at Bucky Barnes in the video. 

Even knowing that, he couldn’t stop watching. Seeing this image of his best friend, so alive and happy, was addictive. Fake or not. 

On the umpteeth viewing, something caught his eye. The way the maybe-Bucky ducked his head a little and slicked his hair back. He’d seen that gesture a thousand times. Steve’s Bucky used to do it, back when they were growing up together. 

It was him. It had to be. Faces can be changed, but mannerisms? That was a hell of a lot harder. Especially if a person isn’t aware they’re being watched. 

The brief joy that thought brough was crushed pretty quickly under despair. 

If that really was a video of Bucky, then Steve really was looking at a happy Bucky Barnes. Where ever Bucky was, whatever he was doing, he was happy.

Without Steve.

The knowledge weighed heavy in his heart, like his whole chest had been filled with lead. If that wasn’t Bucky, then it wouldn’t be worth investigating. 

If it was…

Well. Bucky was happy where he was, and Steve would never, ever want to take that away from him. Even if the thought of never seeing Bucky again made Steve want to go back into the ice. 

He turned off the video and laid down to stare at the wall for a bit. 

\--

“Dude, did last night seriously happen?” Foggy asked. His face was still smushed into the top of his desk, one hand curled around the coffee that Matt made when he got in. 

“I spent all morning puking into my kitchen sink,” Karen said, her voice barely a grumble from where she sat, hand covering her eyes. “So, yes. Something happened at least.”

As much as Matt wanted to be smug, his hangover wasn’t particularly pleasant either, though he did manage to avoid actually being sick. Blackout drinking and his extra senses didn’t mix well together. So while he did get pretty trashed the previous night, he mixed in enough extra water and food to keep himself from being violently ill.

He kept his fingers wrapped around his cup of coffee and soaked in the warmth. 

“No time to be sick, kids. We got lawyering to do,” he said with amusement.

“Fuck you,” Foggy and Karen said back. 

“I will bring a cymbal to work, don’t think I won’t,” Karen added. 

Foggy snickered into his keyboard. 

Truthfully, they’d all managed to get to the office at a vaguely reasonable time; only an hour late. Given the previous day, Matt counted opening the office at all as a win. 

They had their regular run of clients in the morning. Happily, things went pretty smoothly and people were sympathetic to their pale faces and pounding heads.

Karen shooed everyone out for their lunch break. Before the three of them could pack up shop and go in search of a food truck, Bucky Barnes was at their door.

_Bucky Barnes_.

Matt still couldn’t get over it.

He was dressed much like he was the day previous; jeans, boots, long sleeve shirt, and hoodie, all topped off with a backpack. This time he also had a large plastic bag that smelled like grease and sugar. His long hair hung in his face and he turned his head down and to the side, like he was shy.

“...Um. Hi.” Barnes waved at them. There was this odd clicking sound from his left arm. It had to be some kind of cybernetic. He’d said he lost it in the fall from the train. Just thinking about what happened after that made Matts stomach turn. 

Couldn’t blame the alcohol from last night for that. What was done to Bucky Barnes was monstrous. 

It was also the truth. Every word of it. Barnes’ body screamed _this is real, this happened_ with every move, every heartbeat and shuddered breath. Whoever Barnes was getting help from now, that didn’t matter. 

Sergeant Barnes deserved restitution, recompense for a life of horror. 

“Barnes,” Matt said with a smile. “We were just about to head to lunch---”

“I know. I brought it to you.” He handed the bag to Karen. “Loki’s still puking his guts out,” Karen cackled quietly, “but I figured I’d stop by and say thanks. For taking the case I mean.” He ducked his head and tightened his hand on the shoulder strap of his backpack. 

“Thank you for trusting us,” Foggy said. “It’s a big thing, and we appreciate it. We’ll do our best for you.”

Foggy did always know just what to say. Man had a gift.

But Barnes just shook his head and took a step back. “I should go. I just wanted you to know. Thanks.”

And then he slipped out, so quietly that Murdock was impressed. 

The room filled with quiet for a moment. 

“Dude, we have got to help that guy.” Foggy cracked open the bag. “And I’m not just saying that because _oh my god he got us fried chicken and waffles_. Seriously, if this case doesn’t kill us all, it’ll still be worth it.”

“By ‘this case’ do you mean Loki the war criminal?” Karen wandered to the kitchenette and grabbed paper plates and plasticware. 

“Obviously.” Foggy shrugged. 

“Technically we don’t know if he’s a war criminal,” Matt said. “Only that he _was_ a war criminal. He got extradited to Asgard. Maybe he served his time?”

Snorts all around the room. 

The food was as good as it smelled. After a few bites, even Karen and Foggy started to eat with more enthusiasm. 

“Ahhhhhh god, this is the perfect post-drunk food.” An obscene moan came out of Foggy’s throat as he licked the syrup off of his fingers. Karen just groaned in response.

“When are you gonna go to see the Avengers?” Karen asked between bites.

None of them pretended that it was going to be anyone other than Matt going to see them. He had an advantage, after all, what with the super senses. 

 

But…

“You two should come with,” Matt said. 

 

“Wish I could, but you’ve seen my desk.” Karen pointed at the stack of paperwork to the left of her keyboard. 

“Someone’s gotta run the regular clients while you’re busy dealing with superheroes and assassins.” The smile on Foggy’s face was audible. “But, dude, could you get me an autograph? Like, of whoever you happen to meet? I’d ask for a selfie, but…”

“Dick.” Matt threw a chicken bone at him and laughed. “As for when… I donno. You think I should go this afternoon or tomorrow?”

“I say jump on it.” Foggy’s voice turned serious. “This afternoon. The more time we have before shit hits the fan, because it will, the better.” 

“Agreed,” Karen added. “And I want autographs, too.”

A smirk tugged at Matt’s lips. His friends were incorrigible. 

It was pretty great.

\--

Steve’s afternoon nap was interrupted by Jarvis. _Be honest, it wasn’t really just a nap. You were depression sleeping._ He shoved that thought far into the back of his mind. There would be time enough later for analysing his current plan of action, even if that just meant a coin flip between more sleep and trying to find another Hydra base to raid.

“Captain Rogers.” Jarvis’ voice sounded both slightly puzzled and concerned. It brought Steve up to attention right away. “I’m terribly sorry to disturb you, but you have a visitor. A lawyer by the name of Matthew Murdock, of Nelson and Murdock. He said he is here representing Sergeant Barnes.”

Adrenaline shot through him and he bolted upright. “Bucky? Yes! I mean, yeah, I’ll see him. Go ahead and let him come up.”

“Captain, I must advise you to allow me to contact one of Mr. Stark’s lawyers. Whatever the reason for Mr. Murdock’s visit, you should have your own council available.”

The last thing Steve wanted to do was scare Bucky off. Even if right now that meant potentially scaring his lawyer off. 

Also, what the fuck could Bucky need a lawyer for?

Then he thought about all of the outstanding warrants that the Winter Soldier had accumulated post-Insight Day. Maybe he did need a lawyer, though why he didn’t just come to Steve was mystifying. 

That ice cold ache filled him up again. _Maybe it’s because Bucky just doesn’t want to see me_.

He pushed the thought away. “No thank you, Jarvis. Though if it seems like I might need one, I’ll let you know. I promise.”

“Should I alert Sir?”

Steve chewed on his bottom lip and considered things. “...No. I’ll tell him right after this. I’d rather not have Tony running in here in the middle of...whatever this guy has to say.”

“Very good, Captain. Mr. Murdock should be arriving on your floor shortly.”

He spared a brief thought of thanks to his ma for always insisting that he be tidy, because the main rooms on his floor were fairly neat. Steve made his way to the kitchen and set up a pot of coffee. Out of sheer nervousness, he set up tea and cookies, too, and arranged them all on the coffee table in the living room. Eventually he ran out of things to fix and he just sat there, nervously wringing his hands.

The man who stepped out of his elevator wasn’t what Steve was expecting. 

To be honest, Steve wasn’t really sure what he was expecting. Whatever he’d been thinking, the slightly scruffy looking blind man in front of him wasn’t it. The man was dressed plainly in a charcoal suit with white shirt and gray tie. The only bit of color on him was the dark red of his sunglasses, and in his hands were a cane and a briefcase. 

“Mr. Murdock?” Steve said, stepping up to him. “I’m Steve Rogers.”

“Captain Rogers.” Murdock smiled. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He held out his hand to shake, and Steve took it. The grip was firm and dry. Lots of folks expected Steve to try and muscle his way through a handshake, but he found he never cared for it. It reminded him too much of the assholes who always used to pick on him growing up. 

“May I guide you to the couch? And, please, call me Steve.” He wasn’t completely sure if he was supposed to ask that kind of thing, but he hoped that Murdock would take it as courtesy rather than condescension. 

But Murdock just smiled again at him, and held out an elbow. “Thank you, that would be appreciated.”

Steve gently steered him towards the sofa and sat awkwardly in the chair kitty-corner to it. “Can I get you something to drink? I’ve got coffee brewing and there’s tea…”

“Coffee would be fine, thank you. I’d like to thank you for seeing me. I know that you must not allow many random strangers to come up and visit. I’m also sure you’re very curious as to why I’m here, so I’ll get right to it. I’ve been authorized by my client, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, to contact you in an attempt to gather more information on his captivity for the past seventy years.”

Steve let that information digest for a moment. Assuming Murdock was telling the truth, this meant that Bucky wanted to know everything that Steve had on him.

“Why didn’t he just come to me himself?” Steve asked. “I would be happy to give him everything I have.” Literally. There was nothing Steve wouldn’t give for his oldest and best friend. He thought Bucky knew that. Or hoped he would remember it, at least. The cold hurt inside of him spiraled out some more, and he stamped down on it hard. Now was not the time.

“I’m afraid I can’t answer that. And not because I’m not allowed to say, but because I don’t know.” A small sympathetic smile quirked at Murdock’s lips and he shrugged, apologetic. “He did mention that you might be a little skeptical, so he gave me this to give to you.” 

With that, Murdock pulled a small envelope out of his breast coat pocket and handed it over. 

Inside was a letter:

_Dear Punk,_

The breath caught in Steve’s throat. He swallowed hard and blinked for a moment. No one but Bucky had ever called him that, not really.

_So. This is me being a coward, I guess. It should be me there. ~~But I just. I’m. Things aren’t--- Fuck.~~ I’m kind of a mess. No, no, don’t get your pants in a twist. I’m fine. As fine as I can be, anyways. Everything is in pieces, Steve. I didn’t want you to see that. I’ve already fucked your life up enough. I’m not gonna mess it up further._

Steve’s eyes burned. That ass. It didn’t matter how many pieces he was in, Steve would always want to see him. That’s what Steve was there for, just like Bucky was there for him when they were kids. To pick up the broken bits and keep it all together. 

_Yah, I sent the lawyer. Apparently, I’m quite the wanted commodity. Ha. Just like old times, I suppose. ~~I think.~~ Him and his partner are gonna see what they can do about getting my name cleared. You and I both know that’s not gonna stop the spooks from coming for me, but at least, maybe one day, I might be able to walk down the street and not worry about cameras. _

_To do that, they gotta have proof of what happened to me. Near as I can figure, if there is any, you’ve got it. I knew you’d keep digging, once you found out._

A dark joy filled Steve up, tempered by rage. Yeah, he’d kept looking. Not just for the intel, but to see Hydra burn, now and forever. Bucky still knew him well enough to know that.

It was a small balm; bitter and hollow. 

_If you don’t have anything, or don’t want to pass it along, that’s alright. I’ll be able to figure things out on my end._

Which meant that Bucky would be going out hunting. Throwing himself into firefights and putting himself back into Hydra’s reach. Fuck that.

_~~Maybe we could meet up. When all this is done. When I’m a person again.~~ I hope you’re taking care of yourself, punk. No throwing yourself off buildings or any shit like that. Make sure that team of yours is watching your six._

There was a series of scribbles. Whatever Bucky had written was so thoroughly marked out that the paper was nearly ruined with it.

_To the end of the line._

_~Jerk_

Steve read through the letter three more times before he set it down and looked up at the ceiling, eyes burning and watering up. He breathed slow and deep, trying to work past all the hurt and the hope and longing.

His best friend, his Bucky was alive and sent him a letter. 

Worse than all the things he said, were all the bits scratched out. The pain that leaked through the pages. Steve didn’t even want to consider how much it must have cost Bucky to write it. The courage it took to send it.

It was carefully worded, sure. Just vague enough that if it managed to fall into the wrong hands that there wasn’t anything traceable on it. No names or places or dates. 

The phrasing though. _To the end of the line._ The teasing names. The beautiful cursive handwriting. 

It was Bucky. 

Bucky, who was a mess and still hurting. 

He took another breath and turned to look at Murdock. “I’ll bring you everything I have. Just please wait here a moment.”

“Of course. Thank you.”

Steve hurried off to his bedroom, which was where most of Bucky’s file was currently spread out. Quickly, he crammed all the documents together into stacks. As he worked, he asked, “Jarvis, do we have copies of all of this?”

“We do, Captain.”

“Good.” He stopped and looked at the print. It was just print. Someone else would have to read this to Murdock. Steve ran his tongue over his teeth and thought things through. Now was the time to plan, not rush in. No matter how much he wanted to see Bucky. “Copy it all and upload it to one of my thumb drives.”

After a few minutes, he walked back to Murdock and sat down, papers and thumb drive in hand. 

“All of this information is classified,” Steve said. “It’s highly sensitive and spans covert operations for several countries, for several decades.”

“I suspected as much,” Murdock said evenly. 

“It would be irresponsible of me to release these papers to any civilian. However.” He tapped the thumb drive on the table, letting Murdock know that there was something in his hand. “It just so happens I have some...unrelated news articles that I could pass on. If you had someone absolutely trustworthy to help you read them.”

Murdock grinned, catching what Steve was inferring. “As it turns out, I do.” He held out his hand.

Steve set the drive in the palm of Murdock’s hand, but didn’t let go. “If Bucky sees this. He can, if he wants, but if he sees it.” He swallowed hard. “Nothing on here is comfortable reading, and it might be worse for him. Just. Be kind to him. Please.”

“I promise you, I will.” Murdock stared right at him, almost through him, his voice low and earnest. Steve believed him. 

The moment passed and Steve let go of the drive. He tapped on the stack of papers. “The originals are here, and if you want, you could bring someone by to help you sort through them.”

He had to offer, just in case Bucky might take him up on it. 

_Please. Please let Bucky take him up on it._

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you, Captain.” Murdock pocketed the drive, stood up, and offered his hand again.

They shook briefly.

“Call me Steve. And anything you need, and I do mean anything, you come to me.” 

Right as Murdock started to walk away, Steve put a hand on his shoulder. He hated to do it, but he couldn’t actually stop himself. 

“Mr. Murdock. How-- How is he?” 

There was a pause as Murdock considered his answer. “He’s alive, and better than I would expect anyone to be who has been through what he has.” Relief poured through him. Steve nodded and dropped his hand. “Captain…” Before Steve could say anything, Murdock self-corrected. “Steve. Give him some time. You’ll see him again.”

Murdock nodded to him, and walked off towards the elevator, cane tapping away at the ground. 

Steve could barely hear it over the happy pounding of his heart. 

\--

Foggy practically pounced on Matt when he got back to the office. 

“Well?!” Foggy leaned on Matt’s desk, staring obnoxiously at him as he settled into his seat and put away his briefcase. Even if it weren’t for his extra sensory abilities, he could feel the weight of Foggy’s gaze.

“Captain Rogers gave me copies of what he had,” Matt said, waving the thumb drive.

“Yeah, that’s great and also completely not shocking and also _absolutely not what I want to know, Matthew._ ” Foggy drummed his fingers on the desk.

It took a fair amount of effort to hold back his grin, but Matt managed. “Whatever do you mean, Franklin? What else could I have gone there for?” Each word was filled with faux innocence. The head tilt might have been a bit over the top though.

“Captain America!” Foggy threw up his hands. “I just threw up my hands in exasperation. Because right now I need to know, is he hot for Sergeant Barnes or what?”

“Foggy, that is not why I was there,” Matt said, only cackling a little bit. 

“Secondary mission, Matty. Just as important.” 

Karen snorted in the other room.

“It’s none of our business.” Matt tried to look stern. A difficult proposition when he wasn’t sure what ‘stern’ looked like, but he figured making his face very, very serious might be enough.

“You’re a human lie detector! With the heartbeat listening and the super everything.” Foggy flopped down in one of the chairs in front of the desk. “Did he react to the letter?”

Truth be told, Captain Rogers had reacted. He was upset. Very much so. Given the words that Matt had felt on the letter, he wasn’t surprised. It seemed personal though, that reaction. Matt already felt voyeuristic enough sitting there listening to Steve’s heart beat like it was trying to race out of his chest. 

“Of course he did,” Matt said. Then he raised a warning finger. “I’m not telling you how, though. That’s between the letter and the Captain.”

“Maaaaaaaaatty, come on. They’re, like, the greatest love story ever!” Foggy bitched. 

“So you’ve been saying since freshman year.”

“And I was right all along.” Foggy sighed. “Did you at least get us autographs?”

“No.” Groans of protest erupted from both Foggy and Karen. “But I did get an invite back to the tower. For me and a guest of my choice to help me sort through the originals for these documents.”

“Yes!” Foggy pumped his fist into the air.

“Pretty sure he wanted me to bring Barnes, though.” Matt put the thumb drive into his computer and waited for the programs to come online. He had several that would read various types of documents out loud, but they took a minute. Foggy had already anticipated that he’d want extra help, and had moved around to sit next to Matt on his side of the desk. 

“That’s simply more evidence for my case,” Foggy said with a shake of his head, as if the conclusion were already inevitable. Without a word, Matt moved aside and let Foggy in front of his screen and passed him the keyboard. “Now what do we have here…”

There was a series of clicks as Foggy quickly looked through whatever was on the drive. Then Foggy’s breath hitched and his heart sped up.

“What?” Matt asked.

“Oh. Oh man. I’m shaking my head right now because Matt, be glad you can’t see the pictures in here. Oh my god. They have pictures.” The clicking continued and Foggy sniffed next to him and rubbed his mouth.

Several more minutes passed before Foggy leaned back in his chair. The sigh that came out of him was heavy and pained. “We’re gonna need to talk to Rogers about some of this. A lot of it is in Russian and German. I think. I’m guessing they’ve got translations, some of that is in here, too, but we really need to have someone fluent to go over these and give us the nuance. Fuck.”

Matt listened as Foggy took breaths and rubbed his eyes, as if he was trying to rub the sight right out of them. 

“How bad?” He had to know, just a little heads up before getting into the nitty gritty of it. To steel himself, though Matt was worried he already knew the answer.

“Remember all that stuff that Barnes told us yesterday afternoon? It’s like, so much fucking worse than that.”

That was exactly what Matt was afraid of. “Captain Rogers asked that if Sergeant Barnes wanted to see it, that we treat him kindly.” 

“Shit, Matty. All the blankets in the world might not help this guy feel better.” 

Despite the grim circumstance, Matt held on to hope that Barnes would be able to get his life back. Or at least find a little bit of closure and peace. “Do we have a case?”

“Yes. Holy fuck, yes. I haven’t even scratched the surface here, but yeah. The shit they did to him.” Foggy shook his head. “No one deserves that, and no way he acted voluntarally. Precedent is that prisoners of war can’t be tried for crimes they committed under duress while imprisoned. These files go back to World War Two. This is definitely Bucky Barnes, and he was definitely coerced. Violently.” 

A grim sort of satisfaction spread up through Matt’s core. As awful as this all was, they could bring Barnes some justice. They could do it, no matter who was on the other side of the courtroom. 

“Oooo that’s kind of a scary smile, Matty.” 

“Yeah. Yeah it is.” He pulled out his recorder and set up his keypad to take notes. “Start reading what you can to me.”

\--


	9. Chapter 9

By the time Barnes got back to the lair, Loki was slumped over on the couch, nursing a mug of hot tea. Or at least, it probably used to be hot. From the looks of things he was on the dregs of the cup. 

Since Barnes himself still felt pretty much like shit, he dropped his bag and went straight to the kitchen to refill the kettle. Once it was back on the burner, he pulled out some plain popcorn and crackers. Given how topsy-turvy his stomach still felt, he opted for tea as well rather than his usual hot chocolate.

With his arms full of drinks and snacks, he collapsed into his side of the couch. Without a word, Loki grabbed his drink and the popcorn, mouth twisted into a grumpy frown. 

Oddly enough, there was a slight blue cast to his skin, rather than a sickly green like Barnes expected. 

Whatever. Who the fuck knew what crazy biology Loki had going on anyways.

“What are we watching?”

Loki smirked. _Oh shit._

The screen lit up to show a picture of Steve’s shield. Or at least something that looked like it. If he wasn’t worried before, he certainly was now.

“Captain America: A Gay XXX Parody?” Barnes read outloud. “Gay as in happy? And what’s XXX? Is this a comedy or something?”

“Oh rest assured, they are all very happy in this film.” Loki grinned even wider and shoved some popcorn in his mouth. Then he grabbed the remote and clicked a few buttons, skipping ahead. “We don’t really need to see the menu, do we? Let’s just dive in.”

“Please no,” Barnes said quietly, with no real expectation that he was talking to anyone but himself.

The uneasiness grew as the scene opened to what looked like an abandoned warehouse. Trash and random pieces of equipment lined the walls, and a large blond man in captain america suit ran on screen. It wasn’t the dark blue combat suit that Barnes fought him in. It looked more like the bright red, white, and blue of an earlier Avengers uniform.

“Well, he could look worse, I guess,” Barnes said. “It could be the tights.”

Loki cackled and ate some more popcorn. Settling into the couch further, Barnes nibbled on a cracker.

“You won’t get away from Justice, Red Skull!” the ‘Captain America’ on the screen shouted, all while posing dramatically with the obviously-plastic shield. 

A snort escaped from Barnes. “No. Please no.”

“Watch.” Loki pointed at the screen.

A tall man in a black faux leather trench coat and a Red Skull mask dashed onto the set, pistol in hand. The ‘gun’ alone was enough to make Barnes want to groan in irritation. It wasn’t even close to a real weapon, and still had a bit of orange showing through on the end where the prop master missed a spot with the paint. 

“I think they spent all their budget on Cap’s outfit, there,” Barnes remarked.

“Seems likely,” Loki replied easily.

“Why are we watching this?” 

No answer, only evil grinning. 

Great.

There was some more terrible banter, all of which was as predictable as the rising sun. Right up until Captain America had Red Skull pinned against the wall.

“My super soldier serum has made me the better man!” Red Skull raved, all while struggling weakly against Captain America’s grip.

“It made you evil. My serum is the better, and I’ll prove it to you,” Captain America responded, his teeth clenched mightily. Barnes rolled his eyes and took a sip of his tea. “I’m gonna fuck the evil right out of you.”

Tea now covered everything, because Barnes had spit it all out, drenching himself and the table in front of him. “ _What. The. FUCK._ ”

“Ohhh, not yet, but we’ll get to that soon,” Loki said with a snicker.

“Oh my god, no. No no no no no this isn’t happening.” Barnes sat there in horror, watching as Captain America forced the Red Skull to his knees. “Tell me they aren’t going to---” Cap unzipped his uniform pants and forced an unbelievably large cock right down Red Skull’s throat. “---they are. They are. Loki. Loki why.”

“Can you taste the Freedom?” Captain America asked, between breathy moans. 

This couldn’t be happening. Holy shit, this could not be happening. “Oh my god what is wrong with the future? I’ve seen that guy. In person. He and his fucking asshole of a minion fucking chained me to a table and tortured me, and someone decided that there needed to be a movie of him and Steve fucking?” Barnes sat there, jaw dropped as the scene continued. 

Predictably, Loki couldn’t stop snickering. 

The blow job went on. And on. And on. Barnes couldn’t stop talking through it. It was like the filter on his mouth had completely vanished; destroyed utterly by the absurdity of what he was watching. 

“How is he even doing that with a mask on? Holy shit, how is he even going that deep? Can he breathe?”

“There’s a fine art to it,” Loki said off handedly. “It’s important to have no gag reflex.”

That was not on the top of Barnes’ list of things to know about Loki, so he focused on the screen. Which was a really bad idea, because Red Skull was starting to use his tongue. 

“I’m stuck here wondering if they think that Steve is really cut.” He had to keep talking. It was the only way to get through this. Otherwise he’d have to sit there and actually consider Steve face-fucking Red Skull, and that was a big NO. “Do they just not care? Was this just the biggest blond guy they could find? Or do they think they know, and decided to make it part of the casting selection process?”

Just the thought of Red Skull in any kind of sexual capacity was enough to completely kill any sexual desire that Barnes might have gotten from watching a porn video. Barnes considered this a blessing.

When Captain America spun a sloppy-masked Red Skull around and shoved him face first into the wall, Barnes just turned to stare at Loki. “No. They aren’t.”

“Oh they are,” Loki said. 

Yeah. Yeah that was Captain America ass fucking Red Skull. Right there. Just. In the warehouse. With the door open. With a whole camera crew watching.

“....Did he use any lube? Because, as completely horrifying as this already is, I didn’t see them use any lube.” Barnes winced. “I feel kinda bad for the actor? Performer? Sex worker?”

“Don’t worry, I am certain that the gentleman was pre-prepared.” 

And now the image of Red Skull fingering himself open with vaseline was stuck in Barnes head. _Fucking great. If I drink bleach, I wonder if that thought will go away._

That scene lasted far, far longer than Barnes hoped it would. Although he was impressed with the Captain’s stamina. 

“He didn’t even finish inside.” Barnes said once it was all done. “Just...sprayed it all over.”

“He was kind enough to give his foe a hand though. How sweet. A hero both just and fair.” Loki sipped his tea and rummaged around in his popcorn bowl for the last few kernels. 

“I donno, pal. Even Steve isn’t nice enough to give the Red Skull a consolation jerk.” He tried to make his tone casual, but his eyes were still wide as silver dollars. Barnes couldn’t believe he was actually saying this. What the fuck was wrong with him? This was one of those moments where the horror gets to be too much and the only recourse is even more horrible humor. He’d seen it in the cells in Austria. 

There was a brief cutscene, another terrible graphic of Steve’s shield. 

“Please tell me this is over,” Barnes said, giving Loki the side-eye. 

Loki just grinned. 

_Fuck._ Barnes’ heart sank.

Which was when the video introduced ‘Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD’.

“Nooooooo, his boss?” Barnes threw a cracker at the screen. “I shot that guy. Oh my god, I’m watching a porn movie about a man I killed.” He stared at the screen in horror. 

“Captain,” the Nick Fury on the screen said. “I’ve got an assignment for you.”

“I’m ready, sir.” Captain America responded.

Barnes snorted. Just bet he fucking was.

“I’d like to test that fact out. Gotta make sure you’re fully trained for this next mission.”

“Yes, sir!”

Now Loki was snickering, too. Barnes took another sip of his drink, his eyes so wide that they actually kind of hurt.

The scene went fairly similarly to the first bit, though this time Captain America was the one doing the blowing. _Holy shit. Because what I really needed to think about was Steve sucking cock._ Barnes closed his eyes and sunk down into the couch. This didn’t help him one bit, because then all he could hear was wet sucking and moaning sounds overlaid with terrible mood music. 

“Loki, I hate you,” he grumbled.

“Oh, not yet. But you will.” Bastard was still laughing.

When Barnes dared to look again, they’d moved on to fucking. Captain America was bent over a desk, suit off but helmet still on, and was getting fucked so hard he was being rocked into the desktop. 

“Oh my god.” He really couldn’t think of anything else to say. After a few minutes, it almost got monotonous. Fuck, moan, slap, _he was getting his ass slapped, Jesus fuck,_ repeat. 

Barnes covered his face with one hand, but he couldn’t stop peeking at the screen through his fingers. It was like watching a natural disaster happen. Like a tornado. Terrible and destructive, but somehow completely compelling. 

Captain America ended up finishing in Nick Fury’s mouth, and Barnes didn’t really know what to do with that. 

“I think you’re ready, Cap,” Nick said with one final slap to Captain America’s now cherry-red ass. Then the screen faded to another cutscene graphic.

“It’s not over, is it,” Barnes said flatly.

“Not even close,” Loki replied.

He shook his head and threw a cracker at Loki. “Pause it. I need another drink.” 

Loki followed him into the kitchen and watched as he put the kettle on. “I’ve come up with another candidate for fixing your arm.” 

“Fantastic.” Barnes sighed and got out the hot chocolate. “Who’d you dig up?”

“Well, he hasn’t agreed. Considering you tossed my last suggestion out so quickly, I haven’t attempted to set up a meeting yet.” Loki scowled at Barnes briefly, before pointedly rinsing out his mug and adding more tea leaves.

“And?” This was gonna be terrible, Barnes was certain.

“Doctor Victor von Doom.”

Yup. Fucking terrible. 

“God, fuck no.” He dropped the hot chocolate canister on the counter and turned to stare at Loki. “I’ve been frozen and brainwashed for the past several decades and I _still_ know that guy is bad news.”

“He’s an expert in cybernetics.”

“And also in being a duplicitous bastard. I get an arm upgrade from him and it’s gonna have a fucking Doombot in it.” That was the last goddamn thing Barnes needed. As if his arm wasn’t enough of a pain in the ass. “No.”

There was a small sigh from Loki, but no actual protests. That made Barnes wonder if Loki hadn’t already figured out that he would say no.

They settled back in on the couch and Loki pressed play. 

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Barnes said, because a tall slim man in green and clearly-fake bronze armor walked into the warehouse. Hilariously, it was the same warehouse that Captain America ‘fought’ the Red Skull in earlier in the film. 

“I am Loki, and you will kneel before me!” the man on screen shouted at Captain America.

At least this time Barnes knew better than to take a drink before they started watching. 

“Oh my god, what’s with his hat?” Barnes muttered. 

“What, you haven’t seen my armor?” Loki said next to him on the couch. “It is traditional Asgardian wear, given to us by master armorsmiths.” He sniffed. “Thor’s has goose feathers on it, but no one dared make fun of him.”

_What even_. Barnes blinked. “Wait, you mean they didn’t just make that shit up? You’ve really got horns like that on your armor? Also, any chance you could show me an illusion or something of Thor’s stupid helmet? I wanna make fun of him next time I see him.”

Whatever offence Loki might have taken from Barnes’ commentary was lost in amusement over the idea of someone mocking Thor. 

The actors in the film traded a few fake punches, and then actor-Loki knocked Captain America off his feet. He grabbed Cap’s helmet and ripped it off of his head.

Barnes rolled his eyes. If a helmet was that easy to take off it wasn’t worth wearing.

“Admit it, Captain. You will always kneel, because you were made to be ruled.” Actor-Loki grinned and unzipped his pants.

“Wow.” Barnes blinked and shook his head. One one hand, that was truly fucking terrible dialogue. On the other hand, it really did kinda sound like something Loki might say.

“Don’t sound so impressed. The poor man is undersized,” Loki smirked. 

“Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?” Barnes threw another handful of crackers at Loki, who just grinned wider in response.

“You do realize that one of my shape shifted forms is that of a horse?” 

And now that was burned into Barnes’ brain. Just fucking great. “I did not know that. I never needed to know that. Not unless you wanna join a fucking polo troop.”

Actor-Loki didn’t bother with niceties, he simply shoved his cock in Captain America’s mouth and forced it in as deep as it would go. Barnes rubbed a hand over his eyes. He’d learned from the last round that just listening wouldn’t be a great idea either, so he tried to find something else to talk about.

Lucky him, or maybe unlucky as the case would be, Loki had plenty to say.

“Look at his poor technique,” Loki said in between mouthfuls of popcorn. 

“Are you talking about Cap, there, or fake-Loki?” Not that Barnes really wanted to know, but it was worth saying just to keep from hearing all the moaning. 

“Both,” Loki said firmly. Then he wobbled his head a bit. “Eh. Well. The Captain does seem to swallow rather well. There is a fair amount of drool, though many seem to enjoy that sort of thing.”

This could not be happening. It wasn’t. Maybe Barnes was just in cryo right now and this was all some fucked up fever dream. Ice dream. Whatever.

Before Actor-Loki could finish up, Cap initiated the stupidest looking grapple that Barnes had ever seen. He kind of wanted to go out and find these guys just to give them a quick lesson in self defense, because clearly they weren’t really grasping the concept. 

Then again, it’s not like they were really trying to get away.

The whole tussle ended up with Actor-Loki face down on the cement, his leather jacket stripped off of him, and his ass up in the air. 

Barnes expected the good Captain just to drive right in with the fucking. That was how this sort of thing was supposed to go, right? But no. That would have been too easy. Instead, he knelt down next to actor-Loki and started licking his asshole. Sticking his tongue in. Nibbling on the cheeks. All the while, actor-Loki swore and begged. 

“Holy fuck,” Barnes said, his voice a hoarse whisper. It was definitely starting to become a problem to remember that this was not supposed to be appealing, and that it would definitely not be okay to get hard sitting on the couch next to Loki. “That’s. Is that really a thing people do?”

“Oh yes.” Loki smirked. “Though he probably should spend more time fingering first.” He thought for a moment, and then shrugged. “It’s possible that’s a personal preference. I supposed the Captain could spend a fair deal of time licking his partner open and then work a few fingers in. To make sure he’s ready.” Loki cast a sly glance over at Barnes. 

“How do you know this. No. No don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. Please don’t tell me.” Barnes whispered. He grabbed a small cushion and hugged it to his chest. Not that he was under any illusions that Loki wouldn’t notice if his now growing erection became actually visible. Still, it was comforting to hold the pillow in his arms. Hold on and pray for a swift end. 

This was not how he ever wanted to see Loki. 

_It’s not him. It’s not him. It’s just some guy with a stupid hat and a very clean ass. Oh my god, did he clean up first?_

Barnes breath was starting to come a little faster. It kind of felt like a panic attack. It couldn’t possibly be one though. 

Although he did feel a little panicked. 

Loki cackled next to him and munched on more popcorn.

“It’s a crime that you don’t know about this. I’m doing you a favor, educating you.” Loki waved a finger in Barnes’ direction.

“This? This is not education. This is…” He struggled to find the right word. “They don’t even use slick. Even I know that people need to use slick.”

“Hrmmm.” A frown crossed Loki’s face. “Perhaps you’re right. Next time I’ll find something that is more...instructive.” 

“Please, no.” A terrible thought occured to Barnes. “Wait, did you have this on hand? Or did you find it for me specifically?”

“I found it for you, although I did watch it myself first.”

Because of course he did. Barnes facepalmed. 

When the actors actually got down to fucking, Barnes was sort of relieved. This was just run of the mill. The same thing he’d already watched, what, half an hour of? Surely it would be easily ignorable. 

Broad shoulders, just a little sweaty. The slick sound of flesh on flesh. Those little moans and curses. 

Totally. Ignorable. 

“I’m gonna find one of these films of you and Thor fucking and we are watching that next,” he grumbled, his mind bent on revenge.

“I’ve got it already in my movie library, if you’re interested.” Loki waved at a cabinet. “There’s an Avengers one, too. The quality is low, but they’re over-all amusing.”

Foiled. 

Barnes buried his face in his pillow. He did not look up to see how the encounter ended. That never needed to be a part of his still-recovering memory bank. 

When the cheesy cutscene music started to play, he looked up. “Is it done? Please tell me it’s done.”

“It is not,” Loki said, his smile wider than ever.

_oh noooo._

Not even in his worst dreams could he have pictured what was next.

Captain America stood in another part of the warehouse, a corner that was even more dilapidated looking, if that was even possible. In the middle of telling Nick Fury that his mission had been completed, Fury was ‘shot’. Or at the very least, he dramatically fell over while something banged in the background. 

A great sinking dread filled Barnes up. 

“No. Oh no. Loki. Loki tell me what I think is about to happen isn’t about to happen.” They couldn’t. It wasn’t possible. 

“Shit!” Captain America said, making Barnes snort in amusement despite the feeling of impending doom. Then Cap raced down a hallway, only to catch up to none other than the Winter Soldier.

The room spun for a moment. There was this feeling, an overwhelming sense of vertigo. Or perhaps panic. Definitely not arousal. Nope. Not even a little. It was just that his face felt hot and his heart was pounding. Breath caught in his chest and he struggled not to wheeze.

He clutched the pillow tighter to his chest and lap. 

“Who’s there?” Captain America demanded. 

“I’m the Winter Soldier, bitch,” a man fully clad in black leather answered. He was wearing the mask. Holy shit, there was a man pretending to be him in a mask who was about to fuck another man pretending to be Steve. Or be fucked. Either way. Maybe both.

_Oh no. No no no no no._

Barnes buried his face in the pillow on his lap as his brain came to a screeching halt. He was panting hard into the pillow. _Hyperventilating. Gotta stop. Slow down._

Despite not seeing what was happening, the terrible dialogue continued.

“We’ll see who becomes who’s bitch, Soldier,” Cap replied. There were some sounds of a scuffle, and then a sharp smack. 

Then a long, breathy moan. 

Barnes died a little inside. 

“You’re missing the good bits,” Loki said easily. “Your alter ego looks nothing like you. Except perhaps the hair. He doesn’t even have a metal arm. Perhaps it was too much for the props budget.” There was some snickering. 

Holy fuck, now Barnes was thinking about his metal arm and Steve. All that smooth, hard metal-alloy. Unforgivingly doing any number of things that Barnes had been watching for the past hour. 

Each and every moan and line of cheesy dialogue only played a counterpart to the fantasies going on in his mind. Steve opening his mouth wide, licking and sucking whatever was given to him.

“Fuck, Soldier, you’re so big.”

More moaning, accompanied by a slick, popping sound. 

“God bless America.”

Even thinking about Red Skull did nothing to stop him from getting hard. 

“Loki,” he said, his face still buried into the pillow. “Why am I watching this?”

“Well, technically, you’re not really---”

“Loki!” Barnes sat up and stared at Loki, resolutely _not_ looking at what his excellent peripheral vision told him was the man playing the Soldier riding Captain America’s cock like it was a wild bull. “Why. Am I watching this. Because it seems like kind of a dick move---”

Loki sniggered.

“SHUT UP!” He raised a finger in warning. “What with you figuring out that I’m sort of desperately, and without a hint of hope I might add, in lo---” He closed his eyes and swallowed. “You found out about how I feel about Steve. And now you’re showing me this. Are you trying to torture me with what I can’t ever, ever have?”

“No, you fool. I’m trying to show you what you _can_ have.” Barnes opened his eyes in time to see Loki’s extremely exaggerated eye roll. “Not to mention, give you something to enjoy while you wait for the real thing.” Loki’s gaze flickered to the screen and he smirked. “And if the real thing is much like the fake thing, it will be quite a sight to behold.”

_I will not punch Loki. I will not punch Loki. I will not punch Loki._

He grit his teeth and blinked hard. “It’s illegal. Immoral. He’d lose the shield and be beaten in the streets. That’s assuming he’d even want to, which, oh hey, _he’s only interested in women_.”

“Barnes.” Loki’s voice was almost gentle. “It’s not illegal.”

“What?” The world spun again. This had to be a trick.

“It’s not illegal. In this country, anyone is allowed to pursue a relationship with whomever they choose. Man or woman. Or other, as long as the ‘other’ is human. They can even get married, should they choose. As for immoral…” Loki shrugged. “There are likely worse things, but I leave that judgement up to you. Of all the crimes I have commited, and there are many, loving someone seems fairly trifling in comparison.”

That was it. Barnes had hit is limit for ability to cope. Every drop of desire that was in his body had long since fled, and now all he was left with was confusion. Had the world changed so much? 

“Even so. Steve isn’t---”

“Before you finish that sentence, perhaps you should let your captain tell you what he does and does not want. You might be surprised to hear what he has to say.” 

He shook his head. Not possible. 

Barnes stood up and ran a hand through his hair. At some point while they were talking, the movie had paused. The Winter Soldier and Captain America lay there, frozen in pleasure, their lips just a breath away from a kiss.

“I. I need to go think about this.” He hastily fled the room, and ran straight to his armory.

Once he was safely curled up in his corner, he ducked his head down and just breathed for a bit.

Everything was too much. Too big to wrap his head around. So for the moment he just sat there and pushed everything aside, and let his body just be. 

When he finally looked up, there was a small package on one of the ammo cabinets. Just a simple paper bag containing a note, a tablet, and a small bottle of clear liquid. 

Beautiful flowing script spooled down the paper, and read:

_Barnes,_

_I’ve taken the liberty of adding a copy of today’s movie onto this tablet. Just in case you want a...more in depth viewing. In addition, I’ve added several relevant books. I would heavily suggest perusing them. For educational purposes, of course._

_Have fun!_

_~L_

Barnes squinted his eyes closed tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

Of course.

With a great deal of hesitation, he examined the bottle. Uberlube. He winced. 

Loki bought him lubricant. For sex. And sex like activities. 

Before he could lose his nerve, he turned on the tablet to see what Loki left for him.

The Captain America movie they just watched, of course. But also several other “XXX” titled movies, with what looked like a variety of styles. Many of them featured heavily muscled blond men and beefy brunettes with longish hair. 

_Subtle, Loki. Real subtle,_ he thought. 

There were also several book PDFs, starting with The Complete Guide to Gay Sex. 

Barnes gently set the tablet down, and went back to sit in his favorite corner. 

What the. 

How.

He winced again and hung his head. As awful, awkward, and truly disturbing as this evening had been, Barnes could see that Loki was genuinely trying to help him. Probably also annoy the shit out of him, too, but that was no doubt just some kind of bonus. 

That last image from the movie floated back through his head, causing his body to tighten up a little and heat to start pooling in his stomach. 

_No. Very no. Not right now._

Rather than just admit to what he was fantasizing about, Barnes grabbed a towel and went to take a cold shower. 

He’d deal with this bullshit later.

Far, far in the future.

\--


	10. Chapter 10

The next day, Barnes and Loki were out at an artisanal sandwich shop for lunch. He wasn’t sure what exactly made the sandwiches ‘artisanal’ rather than just regular sandwiches, but they were at least fairly tasty. If a little weird. 

“What is aioli, anyways?” he asked Loki in between bites.

Loki look under one of the bread slices on his turkey, avocado, and watercress concoction. “Does it matter?” 

“It kind of matters. You never know what it might be made out of. It could be cat or something.”

That got him a raised eyebrow. Then a shrug. “You don’t have to eat it.”

Barnes took another bite. It didn’t taste like cat. Or dog. Mostly it tasted like someone rolled a side of beef in too many spices, slapped some particularly grainy bread on it, and gave it a fancy name. 

Maybe he was just a philistine. That seemed likely.

On second thought.

He signaled the waiter and ordered two more sandwiches.

“Did you suddenly develop a taste for possibly-cat?” Loki asked. There was a slight smile on his face, but this brows were furrowed in confusion. 

“Nah,” Barnes said with a shake of his head. “When I was watching the lawyers, this kid showed up. Some kind of enhanced, but… nice, I guess. He was hungry. So I shared my lunch.” He glanced nervously to the side. “A couple of times. Anyways, I just realized that he might have missed me the last couple days.”

The frown on Loki’s face only grew. “It’s a risk.”

He shrugged. “I know.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes longer. 

“How old is he?” Loki stared off into nothing, both his tone and bearing extremely nonchalant. Barnes knew better. Something about this must have struck him funny.

“Mid teens, I think. At least a couple years from majority. My guess is he puts on the costume after school, which is why he shows up mid afternoon. Not sure though. It’s kinda been a while since I’ve actually interacted with anyone not trying to kill me. Or you.” He took another bite. The weird flavor combination was kind of growing on him, though he could do without all the damn seeds sticking in his teeth.

Loki drummed his fingers on the tabletop, his face twisted into a faint grimace. “Order the child a drink, too. Food goes down better with liquids.”

Surprising. Although, maybe not. From everything Loki said, he might be a prince on another world, but he’d obviously seen a few hard times too. Hunger is the kind of thing that sticks with a person.

He ordered a couple fancy lemonades to-go. 

\--

Barnes went back to his stake out rooftop that afternoon and waited, sipping on one of the lemonades. Sure enough, only about forty-five minutes went by and Spiderman dropped down next to him.

“Hey man! Long time no see!” Spiderman said with a friendly wave. “Did you talk to Murdock? Get everything straightened out?”

The kid’s demeanor was infectious. God, he reminded Barnes of someone. Maybe Steve when he was smaller. Or maybe a girl. One of Barnes sisters. He had sisters once, he thought.

“Yeah kid, thanks for the character reference.” He dug around in his backpack and passed over a sandwich. Spiderman squeaked with glee. Jesus fucking Christ, why wasn’t this kid in school or something. “Not sure how the case will go, but…” He toed the dirt on the rooftop. “I kinda hope it works out.”

Without wasting a second, Spiderman wrapped his mask up over his nose and practically inhaled the food. Barnes shook his head and passed over the lemonade, a smile tugging at his lips. “Remember to chew, kid.”

“Mmhph! It’s-- it’s just so-mmph good!” It only took a minute for the first sandwich to totally disappear. When Barnes handed over the second one, Spiderman paused, fingers gently ripping at the edge of the butcher paper it was wrapped in. “So. Um. James. If you already went and talked to the lawyers, why are you out here on the roof? I eat at home, you know. You don’t need to go out of your way to bring me an afternoon snack.”

Now the kid really sounded like Steve. Words floated up through Barnes’ head. _I can make it on my own._

“I know,” he said with a bittersweet smile. It was almost comforting that a century could go by and here he was doing the same thing all over again. Watching out for some skinny kid who can’t keep his nose out of trouble. Barnes shoved those thoughts out of his head and cleared his throat. “Yeah, I know, kid. But I got this friend. My roommate. Guy can be a grade A asshole, but he worries a lot about how much I eat. He’s always bugging me to eat more than I want to. So I get a lot of extra food. It’s just gonna go to waste, otherwise, so I figured I’d come out here and see if you were interested in joining me for a bite.”

Spiderman visibly perked up. “Oh! Well that’s alright. I mean, as long as you’re eating with me, you know?” He broke off part of the second sandwich and passed it back to Barnes. 

Barnes took it solemnly and took a bite out of the corner. After chewing for a moment, he said, “Hey, do you know what aioli is?”

“Garlic and mayo all mixed up.”

“Huh. Why didn’t they just say that on the menu?” 

Spiderman shrugged. “Sounds cooler?”

The future was fucking weird.

\--

That night was another one where Barnes couldn’t sleep. All the anxiety from meeting up with the lawyers and sending Steve a letter was still buzzing around inside of him, making rest impossible. 

So Barnes went out to crash on the couch and watch bad TV. Unsurprisingly, Loki was already there. He slept less than Barnes did, and that was really saying something. That weird, distant look from lunch was back on Loki’s face, though. 

_Hrm. Popcorn time._

After a quick detour to gather up drinks and snacks, he flopped down on the sofa. Loki accepted his bowl and mug without a word. 

They watching in silence for a while. There were teenagers running around with wildly poofy hair. And jackets with massive shoulder pads. 

“The fuck are we watching?” Barnes took a bite of his caramel covered popcorn.

“The Lost Boys.” Loki continued to stare at the screen, though this time with a raised eyebrow. “Some of them seem to be monsters? A type of blood drinking fiend. I’m not entirely sure what the obsession is with the main character. He seems quite forgettable.”

Something ticked in the back of Barnes’ mind. The fashion seemed at least vaguely familiar. He must have been sent on missions during the time period the film was set in. 

Not worth thinking more on. He brushed it away and focused on the present. Loki was acting oddly, and had been since Barnes brought up Spiderman. 

Right before Barnes was about to say something, Loki asked, “Did you have siblings, Barnes?”

He raised his eyebrows and thought for a minute. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so. It’s pretty fuzzy, but I had sisters. Three of them, I think? One older and two younger. Why?”

“Thor and I started our martial training as soon as we could walk. We were always in competition.” Loki huffed out a breath. Maybe it was supposed to be a laugh, but it was the most humorless thing Barnes had ever heard. “This was by Odin’s design. ‘War is misery,’ he would say to us. ‘To be ready for it, you must know every hardship, so that you need not ever fear those hardships.’”

That kind of made sense. Kind of. It seemed like Loki had more to say, though, so Barnes held his peace.

“So imagine us, two young scamps, just old enough to speak and run and learn. And there was Odin, the great All-Father, beloved King of Asgard, and he said we must know hunger so that it would not rule us. Not only that, but we must ever train for war. ‘A wise king must never seek out war, but he must always be ready for it.’ And what better motivation than a hungry belly?” 

Holy shit, now Barnes kind of wanted to burn Odin alive. What the _fuck_? 

“There were games.” Loki took a breath, no longer watching the movie. No longer watching anything. “Games. Like they should be fun. Thor and I were to accomplish tasks. Acts of strength or cunning or skill. Whoever was the most successful was allowed to eat. We could not both be winners. Thor was older, bigger. Friendly and well loved. He won often.”

There was a distance to Loki’s gaze that Barnes knew well. It was the kind of look a person got when they were trying their best to imagine that all the terrible things in their life had actually happened to someone else. 

“It was a few months before my mother realized what was happening. She could not change Odin’s decree, no one could. But she could help in other ways. She began teaching me magic, the gifts of her people. Illusion and fire. The tricks of stealth rather than the brutal efficiencies of strength. Thor did not win nearly so often after that.”

Barnes stayed silent. What could he say in the face of that? 

A thin, reedy chuckle escaped from Loki, and he wiped a few tears from his face. “Oh, how it must have burned him, Odin, to see the queen teach some frost giant scum her sacred family heritage. I am not, and never was, Aesir. All those years I wondered why Thor was always better than me, and it turns out it was because he simply is, by fact of birth.”

Now that was just fucked up. Who treated kids like that? Any kind of kid? Barnes didn’t remember much of his family, but he knew his parents cared about him. They had their flaws, but they loved him and his sister, and made sure they always knew it. 

At least Loki had one parent who wasn’t a piece of shit.

“Tell me about her?” Barnes asked in an attempt to steer the conversation towards happier things. 

Loki startled a bit, and glanced at Barnes. “She was regal. Poised and elegant, even in the face of Odin’s decrees. Wise and kind, though her kindness was often tempered with dry humor. I am to blame for her death. I did not kill her, but I made a way for those who did. The only person in the world who cared for me is dead because of my misdeeds.”

The enormity of that statement struck Barnes hard. He couldn’t imagine it. Or rather, he _could_ , because it almost happened to him. When he nearly killed Steve on the helicarrier, he almost wiped out the best part of his life. If it could be said that he had a life at all. 

He caught Loki’s gaze. There wasn’t anything he could really say, but he tried to show that he understood. Better than maybe anyone else, he knew what that kind of burden was like. 

“She loved you.”

Loki nodded. Another tear dripped down his cheek. They both ignored it. “Yes. As warped and twisted as I am, yes I think she did.”

“Then you know she would forgive you, if she could.” Hard to say. Hard to hear, too, probably, because Loki just snorted at him and looked away. “Even if she wouldn’t, you can’t go back and change it. Neither can I. Neither can anyone else. But you can still do things that would have made her proud.”

That actually wiped the twisted frown off of Loki’s face. Instead he cast Barnes a wary look. “I will never be any kind of hero. Or a king.” He laughed bitterly.

“No one is saying you have to be.” Barnes shrugged. “Seems to me your mom taught you how to bend the rules. Trick people to make sure that everyone gets what they need. Do that instead.” Then he started to laugh. “Or, hell, just do it to piss off the bastards who fuck shit up for everyone else. Poke a stick right in their eye and be so damn slick that they can’t even catch you at it. Make your ma proud.” 

Loki just stared at him. His mouth worked open and closed for a moment. Then he started to laugh, too, and this time with more actual mirth. “The look on Odin’s face the first time I illusioned myself as Thor and ate all of his dinner. Priceless.” He shook his head, and ran a finger around the rim of his popcorn bowl. “And you. Are you trying to make your captain proud?”

Turnabout is fair play, so Barnes took the question with good grace. “Maybe one day. Once I get my shit together. Figure out how to be a person.”

He got a slow nod in return, and they both were quiet. The movie had progressed, with silly looking teens running around a log cabin, squirting water at monsters that inexplicably made them melt. 

“You know that I am a villain,” Loki said finally. 

“Yeah. That’s why we have a lair and not a penthouse.”

Loki rolled his eyes and threw a handful of popcorn at him. “What I mean is, no one will accept help from me.”

He shrugged. “I did?”

“You are also a villain.”

“Solid point. But seriously, aren’t you the God of Tricky Bullshit or something like that? Be sneaky. Or, fuck it, be obnoxiously obvious, and let everyone scratch their heads for forever trying to figure out what your angle is.” He took a bite of caramel corn and settled down into the couch. “Honestly, it’s kind of funnier that way.”

His skin prickled as Loki stared at him, but fuck if Barnes was going to do anything but act totally casual. He took a sip of hot chocolate. 

“Hrm,” was all Loki said, and then he turned to watch the screen. 

“Did-- did that monster dude with the super bleached hair just get killed by an antler?” Barnes blinked. Yup, that was still happening on screen. With a boys choir singing in the background. “Seriously?”

“So it seems,” Loki said. “There are sequels. They are doing a movie marathon.” He waved vaguely at the screen.

“Huh. Sure. Why not. How bad could they be?”

\--

The movies were terrible. So completely awful that Barnes didn’t feel bad at all making Loki go to the most hometown greasy spoon diner he could find. Fried everything. Twenty different kinds of pie in the glass case. 

It was glorious. 

Still careful of his sometimes-capricious stomach, Barnes ate slowly. Though it was still a lot more food than his normal lunch. He’d ordered different several slices of pie on top of the sandwich and fries he started with. 

“Are you really going to eat all of those?” Loki looked on with disgust, and waved a hand at the six little plates bearing slabs of dessert. 

Big slices, too. This place was a jackpot. 

“Mmmm,” Barnes said, mouth happily full of cherry pie. Sweet and tart. Perfect. 

All he got was an eye roll in return, which was just fine by him. More attention for the pie. 

To his vast surprise, Loki called the waitress over and ordered several more. “Don’t look at me like that,” Loki snapped. “We’re taking this to the lawyers. Bribery works wonders on productivity, and randomly dropping by unannounced makes for diligent workers.”

Barnes narrowed his eyes and contemplated the massive amount of food. 

“If, perhaps, you happen to slip out and drop a few slices off for your enhanced street urchin, well, that would be fine as well.” Loki took a sip of his tea and grimaced at the taste. 

It took everything Barnes had to not tease the shit out of him. After all, it wouldn’t do to scare him away from his good deed, would it?

He still couldn’t stop the smirk that tugged at his lips. Another big bite of cherry pie covered it up nicely though.

\--

It had been two weeks since Mr. Murdock had stopped by, and Steve was started to go crazy from the waiting. He’d been in touch with the lawyers once more in that time, when Murdock called him up to exchange emails and say thank you once more for the information.

Since then, Steve had filled Tony in on what had happened. A massive folder with every scrap of information publicly available on Nelson and Murdock, and probably some that wasn’t, appeared on Steve’s kitchen table. Jarvis offered to bug their office, but Steve declined. Not only was that not legal, it wasn’t fair to the lawyers or their clients, and not just Bucky.

He was damn tempted though.

Steve also refrained from plaguing them for information about Bucky. Or dropping by their office in general. 

They had lives. A business. Other clients. Steve had to respect that and let them go about their work.

So instead, he trained. Talked with Clint and Natasha while they were in between missions. Had lunch with Bruce. Called Sam. Hung out with Tony in his lab, even if that meant he was just sketching in a corner while Tony blasted rock music and tinkered with wires. 

His team was sympathetic to his frustrations, and happy that Steve was taking a break from all the Hydra raids. 

“You need time to relax,” Clint had said, slapping him on the back. “And we have a few other matters to deal with, too. Nipping some problems in the bud before they become a full Avengers issue. So chill out, take a break, and let us do some work for you.”

“We’ll send you more intel if we get it,” Natasha added.

Mostly Steve just punched a lot of punching bags. 

He was on his way to the gym again when Jarvis announced that Thor had arrived. Steve quickly changed his path and met up with Thor in the common room.

“Thor! It’s great to see you!” Steve jogged over and held out his hand. Thor simply crushed him in a bear hug.

“Yes, it is good to be seen, Captain. I’m glad to be among friends again.” There was something pained in Thor’s voice and smile, and Steve’s heart went out to him.

“I was about to go hit the gym, but do you want to hang out instead?” 

Thor paused and pursed his lips for a moment, then he nodded. “If you’re willing, then yes. I wouldn’t mind some company. Perhaps tomorrow we can spar together, and I’ll make up for taking you away from your training.”

Steve smiled and waved for Thor to follow him to the kitchen area. “I train plenty. Too much, if you ask the others. Sparring tomorrow sounds fun, though. We should get whoever’s around to join us, too.” He opened up the side of the drink fridge and peered in at the selection. “What can I get you?”

“The more the merrier,” Thor said, and took a seat at the kitchen island. “And one of the fizzy drinks would be welcome.”

After a moment of consideration, Steve grabbed a couple of cherry sodas in glass bottles and sat across from Thor. He nudged one of the bottles over with a gentle flick of his fingers. “I saw the news about Greenwich. You okay?”

Probably not, based on the look on Thor’s face. 

“I live. The realms are safe from the threat of the Dark Elves. The Aether, an ancient powerful force of darkness, has been safely locked away.” Thor traced a finger through the condensation left on the countertop. “That should be enough.”

 _Should be._ Steve knew damn well just what that felt like. How winning could feel like losing. He took a slow sip and waited for Thor to say more.

A minute or two ticked by before Thor said anything else. “My mother died. Killed by a Dark Elf while protecting Jane. And Loki.” He winced hard and took a drink. There was a smile on his face, but only just barely. “Loki died saving me. Trying to help me save everyone.” His head drooped and he rolled the bottle between his hands.

 _Interesting_. Steve arched his eyebrows in surprise. The brief time he’d spent with Loki hadn’t really left him with a good impression. The guy was smart, but deeply crazy. Steve knew they only ever got part of the story with what was going on there. Hearing that Loki ended up helping Thor out, and died to do it, made Steve wonder just how deep that story went.

It wasn’t really his place to pry though. Not unless…

“You wanna talk about it?”

Thor sniffed. “No. Perhaps not today. Thank you, though. You’re a good friend, Steve.” When he looked up to smile at Steve, the expression finally reached his eyes. “What of you? Any grand battles to add to the tale of your life?”

“Ha. Kind of.” Steve winced, and tried to turn that into a smile. It didn’t really feel right though. “There was a thing with some helicarriers. Turns out SHIELD was filled with some bad guys from way back before I was defrosted. And. Um. They had my friend.” He ducked his head and sniffed. “They messed with his head. Turned him into a weapon. He’s alive, and free from them now, but…”

But Bucky still hadn’t come home. He was out there, hurting, trying to piece his mind back together.

The silence must have stretched for too long, because eventually Thor asked, “Do you wish to talk about it?”

A short laugh bubbled up out of Steve and he shook his head. “No. I guess I don’t really want to talk about it either. Nothing I can really do.” He rubbed his eyes. “Well. There are things I could do, but they aren’t the right things. They wouldn’t help me, or him. So basically I’ve just been sitting here pounding away at sandbags. In between running missions against the bad guys who started this.”

“Aye. Me as well. I’ve spent many weeks bringing order to the realms where needed. Physical exertion. Helping those who are in need. It can be freeing.”

“Or at least distracting,” Steve said with a shrug. 

Thor stood up an drained the rest of his drink. “Come, Captain! To the gym. Bring your shield and let us fight our frustrations into dust.”

After thinking for a minute, Steve shrugged. Why not? 

He guzzled the last of his soda and dropped both their bottles in the recycle bin. “I’ll get my gear. Meet you there in five.”

\--

“Oh! Hey! You brought a friend,” Spiderman said, as he dropped down onto the roof. 

Barnes had been meeting up with him for several days in a row now, not counting weekends, when Loki decided to invite himself along. 

Which was fine. Barnes didn’t care too much. He just hoped that the afternoon wouldn’t devolve into a slap fight, once Spiderman realized that he was having lunch with war criminals. Former war criminals? Escaped convicts? 

Villains. 

He should probably just leave it at villains. 

“This is my asshole roommate who keeps making me eat.” Barnes pointed at Loki, who was currently sprawled across a folding lawn chair sipping some kind of frozen coffee concoction. 

Loki flipped him the bird without even looking over.

“Oh. Well. Eating is good, so that’s probably not a bad thing. I’m Spiderman.” He waved. 

All he got was an amused smirk in return. “So I see. Good heavens, you were right. He’s a child.”

“Hey!” The pout was visible through Spiderman’s mask.

Barnes threw him a sandwich, and then leaned back in his lawn chair. “Eat up. Today we’ve got BLTs.” He adjusted his sunglasses and took a sip of his triple caramel macchiato. It was warm out, but there was a nice breeze, so Barnes didn’t mind it too much. Better than freezing cold, that was for sure.

“Oooo.” Spiderman sat down on the ledge in front of them and dug in. His head tilted at Loki while he ate. “You know,” he said in between bites. “You. Mff. You look kind of familiar?” 

“I’ve just got one of those faces,” Loki replied. 

Barnes laughed, and then winced as his left arm spasmed. It was getting worse. Bad enough that he couldn’t even grip with it.

“I’m telling you, I know someone who can fix that.” Loki looked at Barnes over the edge of his designer shades, and raised an eyebrow. 

“No, I am not making a deal with an elder god of madness!” Barnes threw a balled up napkin at him. “I am pretty solidly sure that between the two of us, we’ve got more madness to go around than we really need.”

“Pish.” Loki waved a hand at him. “We are both very functional. See? We’ve even made a friend.” He frowned at Spiderman. “Although, perhaps this isn’t the best scale for healthy socialization.”

“Mffheey!” Spiderman said, mouth still full of food. He chewed hard for a moment, trying to clear his mouth. “I’m totally sane! I’m a good role model!” 

Both Barnes and Loki gave him a long look up and down, taking in the mask, the blue and red costume, and the precarious perch on the roof ledge. 

“Seems reasonable.” Barnes shrugged. Loki snorted. 

“See? I’m great friend material. I can offer character references.” Spiderman dramatically brushed some invisible dust off of one sleeve. The effect was somewhat spoiled by the smear of tomato and mayo on his chin. “And what do you need fixed? I’m pretty good with sciencey things. Maybe I could take a look at it.”

On one hand, showing anyone his currently malfunctioning robot arm made Barnes want to reach for his knives. 

On the other hand, this was Spiderman. The kid didn’t have an evil bone in his whole fucking house, let alone his body. After a couple weeks of looking over the kid’s gear, it was pretty clear that he wasn’t lying about being good with his hands. That stuff came from somewhere, but it wasn’t sleek enough to have been made in a high tech lab. So, homemade. 

There was also the little matter of the fact that he was still a wanted fugitive. He didn’t _think_ that Spiderman would turn him in, but these things had a distressing habit of devolving into a fight.

Granted, he and Loki had been training together from time to time, so Barnes at least knew that he was still in reasonable shape. But that would kind of fuck with their lunch time break. 

He glanced over to Loki, and got a small shrug in return. His call then. 

_Fuck it._

He took off his gloves and rolled up his left sleeve.

The noise that Spiderman made reminded Barnes strongly of a monkey screeching. 

Barnes had to grit his teeth to keep from punching him in the face as he pounced on Barnes’ arm. 

“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod this is _amaaaazing_!” Spiderman froze for a second and jumped back. “Oh, shit, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have grabbed. That was super rude. Please don’t hurt me.”

That made Barnes snort with laughter. He shook his head. “It’s fine. Just warn a guy next time.” He waggled the fingers of his left hand at Spiderman, beckoning him to come over. Or at least, he tried to waggle them. It came out as more of a shuddering twitch. “I got in a fight. Kinda fucked things up with it. Been getting worse for months now.”

Gingerly, Spiderman took hold of his hand and flipped it front and back. “James, this is unbelievable. Like, I’ve never seen tech like this. Okay, kind of like this. Doctor Octavious is doing work in fully functional prosthetics, but he’s got a totally different design idea. If you heard ‘Octavious’ and thought, ‘that’s a man who is obsessed with octopods,’ you are right.” He shook his head, as if shrugging the idea away. “This is incredible. Fully articulated. It’s got to be attached to your nervous system. You know, it reminds me an awful lot of…” 

He froze. 

_Here it comes,_ Barnes thought grimly. Might as well see what happened now. Worse come to worse, he and Loki could teleport away. That would kinda suck though, since the kid already knew that Barnes was talking to Nelson and Murdock. 

There was a slight tremble in Spiderman’s hands. As busted up as Barnes’ left arm was, he could still feel that.

“You wouldn’t, by any chance, happen to be the Winter Soldier, would you? Hahaha,” the laughter was super shaky, “that would be ridiculous though. I mean---”

“Yeah, kid. I am,” Barnes stated flatly.

Spiderman dropped his arm and did a backflip, landing on the roof ledge. He had his hands pointed at Barnes, probably to be ready to shoot some of that webbing all over him.

They stared at each other for a moment, both tense as hell. Loki obnoxiously slurped at his frozen drink.

“You’re the Winter Soldier.”

“Yeah.” A well of disappointment filled him. So this is how it was gonna go down. Shitty, but he should have expected it.

“You’ve killed, like, a lot of people. You fought Captain America in DC. You’re part of Hydra.” 

At that last word, Barnes sneered. He couldn’t help it. Fucking Hydra. “Not by choice, kid.”

That actually made Spiderman pause. The staring continued for another minute, and then finally Spiderman dropped his hands. “You don’t want to hurt me. Not at all.” Barnes shook his head. “And you needed some lawyers. Good people who helped folks in a tight spot.” There wasn’t really anything Barnes could add to that, so he just stayed quiet. 

Spiderman shook his head and rubbed both his hands over his face. “Oh my god, this is so dumb. Why do I always get into these situations?”

“You figure out an answer to that, you let me know,” Barnes said dryly. 

“You swear that you’re not gonna use your arm to kill people?” Spiderman asked, face still covered with his hands.

“...I mean, no good people. Hydra shows up I’ll probably end up shooting them until I run out of ammo.” Barnes figured that was fair. 

“Arggggggghhhh whyyyyyyyyy oh my god my aunt is gonna kill me,” Spiderman said softly. Then he walked over and made grabby hands for Barnes’ arm again. “Bad guys don’t really share lunches with hungry teenagers. SHIT! I mean, hungry superheroes!” Loki snorted. “ _Anyways_ , I guess what I’m saying is I’ll help you fix your arm. Under the condition that you not, I donno, try to take over the world for Nazis. Or for anyone.”

“Since that is a thing I actively avoid, deal.” He held out his left arm again, and let Spiderman look it over. 

All in all, this was way better than going to a lab. Just thinking about that made Barnes shiver and look for an exit. But up here on the roof wasn’t so bad. Open sky. Loki hanging out next to him. Drink in his other hand. Spiderman’s mindless banter filling up the background. 

It was...nice. 

Spiderman had produced a screwdriver from his backpack and was poking at some of the plates when he said, “You know, I really think I need more tools to get into this.” 

Barnes sighed in disappointment. “Thanks for looking anyways, kid.” He started to roll down his sleeve.

“No, no! It’s not that I can’t fix it. It just means I need the rest of my equipment. And probably need to look at the rest of your arm, too, which you might not want to do on a random rooftop?”

“We can go to your apartment,” Barnes said, rummaging through his bag for a second sandwich. Kid deserved another meal after putting in the effort to peek at the machinery. And also not immediately pick a fight. 

_Unlike some people I know._ Barnes sighed and tried not to think about how much he missed Steve. 

“Oh. Well. Um. There’s this whole, uh, secret identity thing…” Spiderman fidgeted with his sandwich. 

A slow smirk stretched across Barnes’ face, and he knew damn well without looking that Loki had his shark-grin on. “You live in Queens with your Aunt, May Parker.” 

Spiderman made that weird screech sound again and jumped back up on the ledge. _Jeeze, this kid is high strung_. “How do you know that?!”

He rolled his eyes. “Because of who I am. Who I used to be. You really think I wouldn’t at least check you out a bit? Make sure you weren’t reporting back to anyone who wants me dead?”

“I could be! I know people!” Spiderman sounded more petulant than anything else. 

Before Barnes could even think of a good answer to that, Loki beat him to the punch by taking another long obnoxious slurp from his drink. “Yes. Clearly, you do.” 

Then Loki perked up and looked off into the distance. Barnes followed his gaze and saw a tiny figure of flying through the air, red cape flapping in the wind. 

“Oh shit, is that Thor?” Barnes asked with raised eyebrows. 

“Yes. Yes it is.” Loki sneered in disgust and stood up, straightening his waistcoat. “And with that, I think I’m done with this little lunch date. Parker, it’s been amusing.” With that, Loki raised his hands and teleported away.

This only left Spiderman back up on the ledge, screeching. “Hooooooly shit, holyshitholyshitholyshit _that was Loki_!”

“That dick didn’t take his chair.” Barnes frowned. Damn it. Now he was gonna have to haul both of them out of there. 

Maybe he could just hide them in a vent up here instead. Better than carrying a bunch of crap around that he was just gonna bring right back.

“Ohmygod is he gonna attack New York again? Are we all gonna die? Are you working with him? I’m really starting to worry that we’re all gonna die now.” 

When did this kid even stop to breathe? He was hopping around, checking out Loki’s chair, looking under it, around it, behind it. As if Loki would have left any clues as to how he disappeared. 

Unless, of course, he wanted to leave something just to be an ass about it.

“Relax.” Barnes leaned back in his chair and adjusted his sunglasses. “He’s not interested.”

This made Spiderman pause. “Oh. So, is he like you? Reformed bad guy? Because, I mean, you were sort of a super powered assassin, but he, like, actually tried to rule the world. With an army and everything.”

“I think the only thing he wants right now is to be left alone.” 

Probably. 

Spiderman nodded slowly, clearly not really understanding but trying to understand. 

“Pull up a chair, kid.” Barnes gestured to Loki’s lawn chair. “Finish up your sandwich and then let’s talking about heading to your workroom.”

Gingerly, Spiderman sat down on the chair. “Just so you know...my aunt is probably gonna want to invite you to dinner. Since you’re gonna be in the house? So. Um. Maybe we should stop and grab some extra sides.”

Barnes blinked slowly, and then shook his head. “Sure. Why not. Your aunt like cake?”

\--

 _Damn it all._

Loki knew he should have anticipated that Thor would show up on Midgard at some point. He was just sort of hoping it would be later rather than sooner.

Not that this actually changed much of how Loki operated. He was well cloaked from any prying eyes, and the chances that Thor would actually run into him were fairly slim.

Still. Just seeing his brother flying around was enough to make Loki want to stab something. Preferably, Thor. 

He thought back to Frigga. To what Thor had said on Svartalfheim. 

_She wouldn’t want us to fight._

_Well, she wouldn’t exactly be shocked._

No, their mother wouldn’t be shocked at all. 

Bitterness and rage and hate filled him up, the more he thought about it. He paced back and forth in the hidden library in his room; the only place he felt an ounce of safety. 

Frigga’s death. Thor’s harsh words. Odin’s dismissal. Everything he had done to try and solidify Asgard’s supremacy. His bid for power here on Midgard. 

The pathetic humans destroyed each other in droves. Watched as children died from starvation and poverty and weapons meant to protect them. Cheered as despots ruled, and stood idle while horrors were committed en masse. 

Why shouldn’t he have attempted to bring them a better world? How did a few dozen deaths compare to the thousands that would be saved? 

Besides, what good had Loki’s family ever done him? What kind turn? Why not take this chance, while Thor didn’t know Loki was even alive, to exact a little revenge? Perhaps something that might benefit the humans in the long run.

Magic hummed around him, casting strange shadows on the wall. With every pacing step, it grew inside of him. Wanting to be free. 

No, their mother wouldn’t want them to fight. But they always did regardless.

Loki drew to a stop as a sudden deep and powerful sorrow filled him. He thought of Frigga. Her kind smile and soft curly hair. The way she cupped his cheek, even when he was too old for such a childish affection. 

Then he thought to what Barnes had said. 

_Then you know she would forgive you, if she could. Even if she wouldn’t, you can’t go back and change it. Neither can I. Neither can anyone else. But you can still do things that would have made her proud._

Thor would never stop chasing him or fighting him. Not after all the damage and the death and the loss. Odin would never accept Loki as a son, as a peer. The Asgardians would forever view him as a laughing stock at best, and at worst a blood hungry traitor.

But Loki didn’t have to act for them. They could chase him to the end of the galaxy, curse him into oblivion, but they did not control him. He could act however he chose to. Even if she never saw it, looking down from the Halls of Valhalla, Loki could maybe still make Frigga proud. 

Tears welled up in his eyes and the awful magic that had been building inside of him fled. His mother was gone, but he could honor her memory.

He dropped to his knees, and bowed his head. 

“Lo, there do I see my Father.  
Lo, there do I see my Mother and my Brothers and Sisters.  
Lo, there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning.  
Lo, they do call to me.  
They bid me take my place among them in the halls of Valhalla,  
Where thine enemies have been vanquished,  
Where the brave shall live forever,  
Nor shall we mourn, but rejoice for those that have died the glorious death.”

The funeral prayer hurt as he spoke it, like sharpened glass in his throat. But Frigga could finally hear those words from him, where her spirit rested among the fallen. 

Hot tears spilled down his face as he mourned in silence.

How long he stayed there, Loki wasn’t sure. Eventually the well of sorrow dried up, and he sat there, numb. He scrubbed his eyes, a small laugh escaping him. 

Him. The great monster Loki. Crying. 

He laughed again, this time with a bit more mirth. He could do it. He could find the humor in this, because, once again, he wasn’t what anyone thought he should be. 

Barnes was right. That had some appeal. Acting as his mother might want, and doing so in such a way that still thumbed his nose at those who had always shouted him down. 

Loki Silvertongue. Loki the Shapeshifter. 

Why did he have to be what anyone thought he should?

A wide, evil grin spread across his face and he summoned his magic once more. There was plenty enough time to properly re-introduce himself to his brother. But first, he needed to find Barnes some armor. 

With Thor here on Midgard, Loki knew just where he could go.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The noise that Spiderman makes is totally ripped off from the Ultimate Spiderman cartoon show. It's pretty damn funny, in case anyone wants to look it up.
> 
> Edit: i almost forgot, the prayer that Loki says is an old viking funeral prayer, similar to what Thor says in Thor 3. I cannot claim any kind of credit for that.


	11. Chapter 11

“This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea,” Peter whispered to himself as he and James made their way into his apartment building. 

They’d stopped on the way over to pick up some dessert. Sensing this was going to get him the evil eye from his aunt, Peter had directed James to buy her favorite; Black Forest cake. 

“Could be worse,” James said quietly to him, boxed up cake cradled in his right arm. “We could be bringing Loki.”

“Argh! No.” Peter shuddered. Not only was Loki a wild card he wasn’t sure he wanted to deal with, but from their brief lunch together, Peter could already tell that Loki was one of those folks who took joy in being a total troll. 

Aunt May might actually try to hit him. Which would be badass, true, but also probably pretty dangerous. Plus, James looked like he hadn’t had a good night sleep in about a million years, and needing to break up a fight between Peter’s aunt and his super villain bestie might make his day worse. 

What even was his life?

“Okay, okay, okay.” Peter rubbed his hands together and tried to psych himself up for the evening. Be prepared. He could _do this_. “What are we gonna tell her?”

“Don’t worry, kid, I got it.” James shrugged, and waited for Peter to open their door.

He couldn’t do this. Could not. Bringing the Winter Soldier home? To meet his aunt? This was gonna end badly. 

But James had been nothing but nice for weeks. The closest he’d ever come to setting of Peter’s spidey sense was when Peter grabbed his arm without asking, and even then he hadn’t actually done anything. To be fair, that was pretty rude of Peter, too. Grabbing people without asking is pretty much a no-no. Especially clearly traumatized vets. Ex-assassins? Were assassins considered in the service? Whatever.

Peter had also spent a fair amount of time with Ned digging through the Hydra files leaked onto the internet. Partially because Peter was worried about what might come out of that. As Spiderman, he never knew what crazy thing he’d have to fight against, and more information was always better.

Mostly it was just _really damn cool_ and they wanted to know it all before the government swept it under the rug. 

So Peter had a bit more information on the Winter Soldier than probably most folks did. From everything he’d seen, some kind of brainwashing or conditioning was probably likely. Some of the project notes they’d found on body modification were pretty horrific, too. Not to mention how spaced out the attacks were. A few dozen over several decades? If it was all the same guy, that guy had to be some kind of a science experiment. Since Peter himself had a few extra abilities, he was a little more open to the idea of other enhanced people out there in the world. 

And then there was James, with his thousand yard stare and eating problems. His clear paranoia mixed with gruff kindness. Peter just couldn’t believe that the guy he’d come to know and like would be involved with Hydra willingly. 

It was still a bit of a mental leap to think of James in the same room as his Aunt May.

Peter nodded to himself. “We can do this. Gonna go in. Do dinner. Get the arm fixed…”

James rolled his eyes and knocked on the door.

“Coming!” Aunt May called from inside. 

_Shit, I can’t do this._ Peter took a step back, but James was right there, left hand at his back, holding him in place.

“You’ll be fine, kid. We’ll all be fine. There’s cake.” As if the mere presence of cake made everything better.

Although, looking at that cake before it went in the box, it kinda did.

“Hello--oh, Peter?” May’s face peeked around the door. “Why didn’t you just come in? And who’s your friend?”

“Oh, hey, Aunt May! This is, uh, James. He’s a friend. Which you just said. Lunch buddy? Kind of, afternoon snack buddy.”

James smiled easily at her. “Peter saw me being nervous outside of an office, and gave me a pep talk.” He ducked his head for a moment. “I’m really bad with people, and I was kind of freaking out over meeting some new lawyers. But Peter knew them and told me how nice they were. Really helped me out. So I split my afternoon snack with him.”

Aunt May dropped open her mouth a bit, and then grinned at Peter. “Aww, Pete, that was really sweet of you.” She ushered them both into the living room. 

“Ha. Ha ha. Yeah,” Peter said awkwardly. “James is a vet. He’s got this fake arm that’s giving him some issues. I invited him over so I could help him with it?”

“Peter said I could join you for dinner. So I brought a cake?” James looked up shyly at May and smiled a little. 

Oh, noooo. May got that look on her face that she gets when she sees a lost dog. 

This. This might not go like Peter thought it would.

“Oh course you’re welcome to stay for dinner. Peter, how sweet of you.” She ruffed his hair, and gave him a kiss on the head. “Such a good kid. We’re having lasagna, I hope you don’t mind?”

“That sounds amazing,” James said. “I don’t eat a lot of home cooked stuff, and I don’t eat a lot in general, so I’m sure it’ll be wonderful.”

“Well here, have a seat at the table. Anywhere you like. I’m almost done in the kitchen, so dinner will be out in just a few minutes. Can I get you something to drink?” She drifted into the kitchen.

“Water is fine,” James called out after her. He set the cake box on the table, and did a quick circuit of the living/dining room area. 

“Stop, that’s weird.” Peter waved a hand at him and took his regular seat at the table.

“Yeah, well, hidden surveillance is weird, too.” 

Peter rubbed his eyes and then dragged his hands down his face, stretching his expression for a second. This was gonna be just great. 

Eventually James sat down kitty-corner to Peter, putting Aunt May’s inevitable seat right across from James. That was good. It meant that Peter was kind of, almost, in between them. Sort of. 

Not that he thought anything would go wrong. It was just that something might go wrong and this way Peter could jump in between them. Or web something. He still had his web shooters on, just in case. Maybe James had noticed? He seemed like a guy who noticed things. 

_Yes, because he’s a century old assassin. With a cyborg arm._ Peter froze for a moment, and grinned. _A cyborg arm that he’s gonna let me look at!_

Was a fist pump into the air appropriate? Probably not. He’d save it for later. 

May came in and set up drinks and started to lay out the lasagna and some salad, along with all the fixings. Things were quiet for a few minutes as everyone got settled. 

“So James!” Aunt May said, her own charming smile spread across her face. “Tell me about yourself! You’re a vet? What branch?”

“Army,” James replied quietly. “I just got out. Civilian life is still pretty weird.”

They shared a short laugh. 

Peter narrowed his eyes and glanced between them. This was going creepily well. Too well. 

“Well, welcome home.” May smiled again at him. “Got any plans for what you’ll do now?”

“I’m still working it out. Crashing with a friend until I get everything sorted. He’s kind of an ass, but he’s been there for me when I needed it.” James shrugged, and took a bite of pasta. “This is really delicious. Thank you so much for having me. I know it’s kinda weirdly last minute.”

“Oh, no, the pleasure is mine.”

It was like watching a game of pong. Played by aliens. Peter just kept looking back and forth, sort of weirded out by all the pleasant conversation. 

“I’ve gotta say, you don’t look old enough to be Peter’s aunt.” James tilted his head to the side, eyes slightly narrowed. 

Peter kicked James in the shin. Or he tried to, anyways. His foot hit something hard strapped under James’ pant leg. A knife maybe? Or a gun? It was probably a gun. The Winter Soldier was totally a gun guy, Peter was sure of it.

Bright pink spread across May’s face, and she grinned. “Mary was older than me by several years. Good thing, too. I need all the energy I can get to keep up with this guy.” She poked playfully at Peter’s arm.

Okay, so dinner was going far, far worse than Peter expected. This, whatever this was, was bad. They could not get along like this. 

There was an odd buzzing sound from James’ pocket. He winced and pulled out his phone.

“Something important?” May asked, her brows drawn in with worry.

James sighed. “A week or two ago my asshole roommate borrowed my phone. Said he was updating it, or something like that. Now it buzzes all the time. I can’t figure out what it is.” He poked at the screen and glared. “It’s not messages, or calls.”

“Oooo, let me see!” Quick as a flash, Peter snatched it out of James’ hand and started flipping through the home screens. They were all blank except for the standard apps. He started digging through the system settings.

“Peter! James, I’m sorry.” Whatever May was doing with her hands to get Peter’s attention, it wasn’t as interesting as what might be on the Winter Soldier’s phone.

“It’s fine,” James said. “If he can make it stop buzzing at me, I’d be grateful. Honestly, I think my roommate was just trying to be a dick.”

The settings all looked normal. Peter checked out the downloaded programs. 

Huh.

That’s. Wow. 

“The buzzes are notifications from Grindr,” Peter said, his jaw dropping. 

Aunt May turned bright red. Her hands flew to her mouth as she tried to stifle snickers. 

James mostly looked confused. “What’s Grindr?” he asked. 

Still snickering, Aunt May said, “It’s a hook up service. For gay men.”

Silence, as James scrunched his eyes closed. “Hook up. Like…?”

“Dating?” Peter said. “Except less dating and more one night stands.” 

James facepalmed. “Of course. That’s just. That’s just _great_.”

Now May was openly laughing. 

Out of curiosity, Peter opened up the app and checked the account profile. There was a picture of James doing a one armed pull-up. His face was obscured by the arm holding him up and his shirt had ridden up a little, showing off his abs. 

“So he made you a profile. See?” Peter turned the phone around to show James and May the photo. James peeked at it through his fingers, and then promptly went back to hiding behind his hand. All Aunt May did was whistle, long and low. 

“Looks like your roommate got a good shot,” she said, grinning evilly. 

“One of his extra rooms is a gym. Asshole must have taking a picture while I was working out.” James sighed, but didn’t remove his hand.

Another quick press on the screen brought up the profile summary. “‘Hi, my name is James,’” Peter read aloud. “‘I like hot chocolate and watching bad TV while cuddled up on the couch. I've been a bad boy for a really long time, and I'm looking for a big, strong, blond man to treat me sweet and make me feel good about myself.’”

There was a thumping sound as James banged his head on the table a few times, just to one side of his plate. 

“Given the number of notifications you’ve got here, you seem pretty popular,” Peter offered. 

The banging continued. “I’m gonna kill him. Peter, fix my arm tonight so I can go kill him.”

“Oh my god, your roommate sounds like quite the joker.” Aunt May covered her mouth as she laughed.

“Yeah,” Peter said, eyes wide. He pictured Loki from earlier that day, sitting in his lawn chair slurping his coffee. “He’s a trickster, all right.”

James just sighed deeply, and then straightened back up and poked at his dinner.

“So I take it from your reaction that you’re not on the market,” May said with a raised eyebrow.

_Please say no, please say no, please say no._ The very last thing Peter needed was them dating. Given the gleam in May’s eyes when she looked at James, that was a real threat. God, she’d had some real prize winner boyfriends before, but Peter was pretty sure the Winter Soldier would take the cake. 

Although, maybe James would teach him more about fighting. And let Peter look at his robot arm again. 

Nope. Still not worth it.

“I’m not,” James said firmly. _Yaaasss_. “It’s just…” he sighed. “There’s this guy I have-- kind of a thing for. We used to be best friends when we were kids. Grew up together, did everything together. We both joined the service and, well, that didn’t really work out great for me. We ran into each other again a few months ago and,” James winced, “it went really badly. Got into a huge fight. Guy doesn’t even know I’m alive now. My roommate found out and he’s been bugging me about giving the whole relationship thing a try.” He hung his head and poked his lasagna again.

Meanwhile, Peter was shoveling food into his mouth. This was better than watching youtube streamers. Crazy assassin love affairs? Or at least, like, pining. There was definitely a lot of pining going on here. Maybe the guy James was pining over was, like, an enemy agent. 

He froze, fork halfway to his mouth. 

Enemy agent. The Winter Soldier. Got into a fight. Best friends growing up. Both in the service. 

No way. 

_No. Way._

“HEYberightbackgottachecksomething!” Peter dashed into his room, ignoring whatever protests that his aunt shouted at him. 

_Find the textbooks. Where are they? Where are they? THERE!_

Peter grabbed his American History textbook out from under the massive pile of other books that it had been buried under. He flipped to the section on World War Two, and started looking for the chapter on Captain America. 

_Hoooooly shit._

Right there, in full page, black and white glossy glory, was a picture of Captain America and the Howling Commandos. To the captain’s right was James. Looking younger, happier too, but definitely James. 

James Buchanan Barnes. 

A breathy little squeak escaped from Peter’s mouth. Bucky Barnes was in his dining room. Bucky. Barnes. Captain America’s best friend. The most famous American sniper in World War II. The only Howling Commando to lose his life in the war.

Oh shit. 

He didn’t lose his life in the war. He got taken by Hydra. Peter thought of all that information he and Ned dug up. The body mods and the electrical experiments. 

Nausea flooded him. This wasn’t just some abstract person who got hurt, this was a war hero. People _loved_ Bucky Barnes. Not only that, but Peter knew him. All those terrible things happened to someone who had taken time out of his probably crappy day to make sure that Peter had an afternoon snack. 

Then the second realization hit him.

_...looking for a big, strong, blond man to treat me sweet…_

James had a crush on his best friend from when they were kids. Holy shit, James had a crush on Captain America. 

The need to scream out this information to someone, anyone, was so intense that Peter practically vibrated with it. No wonder Loki was trying to make this happen. 

_Oh my god, Loki ships it._

An image floated through his head of Loki in his posh suit with little cupid wings and a tiny bow and arrow. 

“Peter, honey, are you alright in there?” Aunt May called to him from the dining room. “We heard laughter.”

“I’m fine, Aunt May! Just another minute,” he yelled back. 

Okay, so hooking up a recently freed Bucky Barnes with a Grindr account and then not telling him about it, that was still kind of a dick move on Loki’s part. But, wow. James waited outside a lawyers office for a week watching their every move before he decided to approach. How long was he gonna wait before he talked to Captain America?

Would Captain America talk back?

History books go on and on about how nice a guy Steve Rogers was. Is. The few media interviews that the guy had done also seemed to suggest that he was a stand up guy. No way he would reject his friend out of hand. 

Right?

Peter wandered back into the dining room, his whole world turned upside down. 

“...saying, just talk to him.” May was patting James’ hand comfortingly. “The worst thing that can happen is that two you don’t talk again. And that’s what you’re already doing, so where’s the loss?”

“I’m not the guy he used to know. I know he’s changed too, but…” James shook his head. “He wasn’t ever interested, anyways.”

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. 

Rumor had it that Captain America and Peggy Carter were a thing. Did Cap swing both ways? Peter suddenly had the burning urge to webswing over to Avengers Tower and ask. 

Maybe tomorrow. Tonight he had an arm to fix.

He was gonna fix that arm so good. 

\--

Dinner went fairly smoothly, as far as Barnes was concerned. The whole phone thing was incredibly awkward, but May was kindness incarnate and didn’t even tease him about it. He’d tried to dig up some rusty memories about how to act when invited to someone’s house for dinner, but he wasn’t sure if he quite got things right. 

Peter freaked out about half way through the meal, but honestly Barnes wasn’t really surprised. That kid acted like he lived on caffeine. He was always moving. Tense, but not in a hypervigilant kind of way. Just kind of jumpy. 

More surprising was May’s kind advice on what to do about Steve. She urged him to try and work things out. Talk the matter over, and see if at the very least their friendship could be salvaged. At the very worst, things would be the same, but he wouldn’t be laboring under all the hidden feelings. 

She had a point, much as Barnes didn’t want to admit it. Maybe he should just tell Steve how he felt?

_Hi Stevie, long time no see. Sorry about nearly killing you a few months ago. Hey, how do you feel about necking for a little while?_

It sounded so terrible in his head. 

What was really weird, though, was how May’s advice nearly mirrored Loki’s. It almost didn’t make sense, because Barnes was fairly sure that Loki was always attempting to fuck with him, even when he was obviously trying to help. 

May, however, seemed pretty damn sane and reasonable. If _she_ was also telling him to go talk things out with Steve, maybe there was something to that. 

Honestly, Barnes missed Steve something fierce. Missed his stupid hair and dumb laugh and all the ways he routinely tried to get himself into trouble. Missed his stubborn kindness and unending well of compassion. Loki had become a far better friend than Barnes could have imagined, but Steve felt like the other half of his heart. Even if they weren’t an item. 

And if Steve never wanted that? Barnes could live with it. Had lived with it for many years already. 

Really, what did he have to lose that hadn’t already been taken away?

All of this slowly turned around in his head as Peter tinkered with his arm. 

That was the other surprising part of that night. Barnes expected to be in absolute near panic from having someone poking at him, buried under an avalanche of awful memories and associations. 

Nothing that Peter did was anything like that though. Sitting around in the tiny, cluttered bedroom, with toys hanging from the ceiling and books piled everywhere, that was about as different from a Hydra lab as it could possibly get. 

Even the way Peter interacted with Barnes was different. There was a bit of awfulness when Barnes took off his shirt. His scars were bad. He knew that. But seeing Peter, this kid, look at them and then seeing the understanding of how they got there flow over his face. 

That had been hard to take. 

But Peter didn’t make a big deal out of it. Just sat down next to him and started babbling away about science-this and robot-whatever-that. Each touch on his arm was delicate. Careful in a way that no one had ever been before. Peter always told him what he was going to do, and always asked if it was okay. 

It made the whole thing sort of a non-event. Barnes arm still hurt, and it was still really unpleasant to have someone messing around with it, but he wasn’t shaking in a corner with his knives out and ready like he expected. 

Kind of bizarre. 

“Sooooooo,” Peter said after an hour or so of poking at things. “You and Captain America.”

A tiny jolt of nerves shot through Barnes. It took him a minute to remember that this kind of thing wasn’t illegal anymore and Steve would never be hurt by someone finding out that Barnes was interested in him. He cast a sidelong glance at Peter, who was crouched over, nose buried in wires and splayed open metal plates. 

“Figured it out, huh.” Smart kid.

Peter nodded. “Does he know? I mean, not that you’re crushing on him. I think it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t know that. Not that _I_ know anything about that, just that you seem to think that he doesn’t know. What I mean is, does he know about who you are?”

Very clever kid. Barnes sighed. 

The smell of soldering metal floated around and mixed in with the smell of teenage-boy. He wrinkled his nose in distaste.

“He knows.”

“Ouch.”

“Yup.”

There was just long enough of a silence that Barnes started to hope that maybe the subject was done with. 

“Soooooooooo. You gonna go for it? Ask him out?”

Apparently not. 

“Kid…” 

“Because if you needed someone to be your wingman, who wasn’t, you know, a demi god of evil and chaos, I’d totally help you out.”

Barnes pinched the bridge of his nose and scrunched his eyes closed. This wasn’t happening. “Sure, kid. Next time I need to pass Stevie a note in Science class, I’ll hit you up.”

“That’s probably fair.” Peter shrugged. Or tried to, as he was currently wrapped in wire.

These were his choices. Loki or Peter. 

Fuck this. Never mind. Barnes was never talking to Steve again. This could only end in tears.

\--

It took into the wee hours of the night, not to mention several unpleasant shocks, but Barnes’ arm was functional again. Not only had Peter managed to get him back full mobility as well as dexterity, but he’d also figured out how to dial down some of the neural feedback. 

“It’s not perfect, but at least it’s better,” Peter had said at the end of the night. “Like, we should do this again. Regularly. Because I am really, really sure that if I had more time to look at this, I could make it not suck.”

Barnes ruffled his hair and smirked. “We’ll talk about it at our next afternoon snack time.”

While the head-ruffle got him a dirty look, the mention of more food left Peter grinning. God, the kid must have a crazy metabolism. Super strength always does that. 

It was only mildly surprising that Loki wasn’t in the lair when Barnes got home. Thor was flying around Earth somewhere, so Loki’s brain had probably shifted itself into overdrive. Hopefully he was just out swindling some idiots out of their pocketbooks rather than falling head long into a bout of crazy. 

Not that Barnes had any room to judge. He was just as messed up, if in different ways. 

When two more days passed and Loki still hadn’t shown up, Barnes started to get a bit concerned. He watched the news at night rather than his regular soothing HSN bullshit, on the off chance that there was a public arrest. He also started keeping closer tabs on the comings and goings in and out of Avengers Tower. 

Nothing. No concerning reports about mysterious villains being thrown in prison or shipped off world in chains and a muzzle. No unusual activity from Avengers Tower either. 

He thought about asking Spiderman to keep an eye out, but the last thing he wanted was to encourage a teenager to go running into what surely would be a superpowered clusterfuck. Because if something was going down with Loki and Thor? Yeah, guaranteed clusterfuck. Barnes already had enough deaths on his conscience. He didn’t need one more.

On day three, Loki portaled back into the sitting room right while Barnes was in the middle of a Jurassic Park movie marathon. He had on his green and gold armor, and wow, yeah, that helmet was a thing. 

How did he get through doorways? Is that why he learned teleporting?

Slightly concerning was the fact that he had a massive pack slung over one shoulder. The maniacal grin seemed pretty normal, though. 

“Hey,” Barnes said, casually taking a sip of his hot chocolate. While he was pretty damn curious what Loki had been up to, since the world wasn’t on fire he didn’t really feel like it was his business to ask. 

It wasn’t that he was worried. That would be ridiculous. He was just a little concerned. 

“Barnes.” Loki looked flush with excitement. “For you.” He tossed the pack to Barnes’ feet.

Inside was a set of heavy leather armor, black with silver and red metal accents. Pieces of silver plate and mail were interwoven with the leather, and elaborate images of tangled knots flowed across the metal. The main theme seemed to be oak leaves and ravens. 

Barnes picked up the helmet and just stared at Loki. “Really?”

“Really.” Loki snickered. 

The horns on this thing were massive. Easily the size of Loki’s own, but branched like a deer’s antlers. He winced. “Buck,” Barnes said with a glare. Loki just cackled. “You are an asshole. You realize I won’t wear this.”

“Come now, try it on. Just once. No doubt it will be very striking.” Loki flopped down on his end of the couch and cackled some more. 

There was this pain forming right at Barnes’ temple. He hefted the helmet in his hands and briefly considered bashing Loki’s skull in with it. “No. Very, very no.”

“The look on your face,” Loki gasped, practically crying he was laughing so hard. 

Nope, now Barnes was considering bashing his own head in. Honestly, the damn rack looked big enough that he wouldn’t have any problems whatsoever. “What do people do on Asgard anyways? Headbutt for dominance? Because this? This is ridiculous. How are you all not falling over from being too top heavy?”

As much as Barnes really was legitimately bitching about how completely absurd the helmet was, he had to admit, if only to himself, that he was a bit amused too. Relieved to see Loki back, apparently unscathed, and in good spirits. 

“The metal is very light. You don’t even notice it once you put it on.” Loki wiped his eyes, and took a deep breath. “I see your arm is working again. Did the spider child come through?”

Which reminded him. “Yes. And also, what the fuck, Loki?” 

Loki cast him a completely mystified look, and then took of his goat helmet and ran his fingers through his hair. Barnes just held up his phone. The screen currently showed his Grindr profile page.

Which just set Loki off cackling again. Unsurprising, yet still irritating. 

“Did you just not notice that? How did you make it this far without understanding how to work cell phones?”

“Because, asshole, Hydra didn’t really want me learning that bit,” Barnes growled and slumped back into the couch, helmet in hand. It was objectively a work of art. A very stupid looking work of art, but still beautifully crafted. He briefly considered using it for target practice. “I can fly planes, steer ships, drive cars and trucks, use basically any weapon you can find, and know more about hand to hand weapons than I consciously realize. But for some reason, my handlers didn’t really want me educated on how social media works.” Not that he was bitter. 

Maybe a little bitter. 

Loki just hummed and narrowed his eyes. “But now you know. And now you can go out and practice your skills before using them to snare your captain. You know what they say. Two virgins in a bed is one too many. Unless you’re having an orgy, and then that’s fine.”

That was a thing Barnes really didn’t need to think about, especially not in conjunction with Loki. 

He wanted very badly to defend himself at this point, but Barnes realized that anything he said would really only make matters worse. Instead he just sighed. “Please don’t sign me up for any more casual sex meet up groups.”

“Oh. If you insist.” Loki glanced to the side quickly. “Perhaps, then, you shouldn’t check the mail. For a little while. Until I can make a call.”

Of course. 

He looked over the pile of armor at his feet. Helmet notwithstanding, it was impressive workmanship, and clearly made just for him. The jacket was missing a sleeve on the left arm, and there were custom build holsters and pockets for guns and ammunition. 

Barnes thought for a moment. “You stole this from Asgard, didn’t you?”

“Barnes! I am distraught! Steal? Me?” Barnes snorted at the completely fake look of indignation on Loki’s face. “I would never steal from Asgard’s armory.”

“Uh huh.”

“I merely requisitioned something. As is my right as crown prince.” Loki side-eyed Barnes and smirked. 

“...I thought Thor was the crown prince? Isn’t he older than you?”

Loki’s smile just got wider and Barnes decided that he really didn’t need to know how this armor came to be. 

He ran a hand down the silver gauntlet, fingers tracing the leaves there. His arm was working again. They were both fully kitted out. 

Might as well take advantage of it. “Wanna go spar? Help me figure out how to put all this stuff on?”

“Why not?” Loki stood up and redonned his reindeer cap, and waited as Barnes gathered up his new gear. 

Once they got to the training room, Loki showed him where all the finicky little buckles were. The first time putting it on took a while, especially since Barnes had to be shown how to wear the different pieces. 

He had to admit, it all looked really badass. The weight of it almost reminded him of his Winter Soldier equipment, but the Asgardian armor was actually heavier. It fit better, too. The Soldier’s Kevlar was made specifically for him, but it wasn’t ever tailored for comfort. This new armor, though, it fit to perfection.

“Try on the helmet,” Loki said, smirk firmly in place. 

“No.” The thing was ridiculous. Giant silver reindeer horns, what the fuck, Loki? Upon closer inspection, whoever did the metalwork had somehow managed to give the impression that the horns were still in velvet. 

Beautiful. Completely absurd, but also beautiful. 

He looked sideways at Loki, but Loki was more occupied with looking at the red star on his shoulder. It had chipped and faded a bit over time, wear and tear from too much use. 

“They marked you,” Loki said, one finger hovering over the red painted metal. 

“Yeah.” In more ways than one. 

“Do you want it gone?”

Barnes raised his eyebrows in surprise. That had honestly never occurred to him. It hadn’t even registered as an option. Now that he was thinking about it, though, he felt the burning urge to be rid of it. The last hands that had worked on him where those of a friend. Not the bastards who ripped him apart and sewed him up for their pleasure. It was fixed now just because he _wanted_ it to be. 

Somewhere in the past couple months, Barnes realized he’d started living again, for himself. He got to choose what he wanted, and more and more he was finding that he felt like a person rather than an asset. 

He wasn’t Hydra’s property anymore. His brain was still in pieces and his memory sometimes seemed like a lost fucking cause, but he was done with letting those assholes dictate who and what he should be. 

“Yeah,” he said, and bared his teeth. “Yeah, I want it gone. I belong to me, now.”

Loki grinned, wide and vicious. “Good.” He crooked his fingers into claws and hovered his hand right over the star. An eerie green mist dripped down out of his hand. “Any requests?”

“Something abstract.” That was pretty fitting, he thought. 

“So be it.” Loki’s voice came out in a growl, and his eyes flashed red for a moment. The green mist coiled up around his fingers like snakes and then sprung onto Barnes’ metal arm. The faint smell of acid burned at Barnes’ nose, and he watched as the red star melted away. Down his arm, all the way to his wrist, the green mist snakes roamed. In their wake they left beautiful silvery sworls, each tendril in the design weaving in and out of the others.

Then it was done, and Barnes’ arm shined like it never had before. 

He looked at himself again in the mirrors along the wall. His hair was clean and long. A little stubble graced his face, but his cheeks weren’t hollow like they used to be. The armor emphasized how much weight he’d put on over the past couple months, all hard muscle. On top of all that was the gleaming beauty of his left arm’s new design. It even managed to harmonize with the knot patterns on his armor.

To Barnes’ vast surprise, he looked good. Like a whole different person, all over again. 

He caught Loki’s eyes in the mirror. “Thank you.” For more than the armor. For more than his arm. For everything. For being a friend. 

Even though none of that was said aloud, Loki seemed to understand. Pride, pleasure, and appreciation all showed up in the pleased little smile on his face. He knew what Barnes meant. 

“You’re welcome, Barnes.”

\--

They ended up practicing well into the night, both in their full armor and with every melee weapon they could get their hands on. 

It was the most fun Barnes had had in ages. 

So much so, that they made it a regular event. It soon became apparent that their extra room was far, far too small for the types of combat they were used to. They started picking random rooftops to spar on. Loki had assured him that there was no way anyone would find them; before they started, he’d cloak their practice area with his magic. 

It only took a week for Spiderman to catch wind of the training and beg his way into joining them. Loki was a bit reluctant at first, but quickly came around when he figured out the potential for attaching spells to Spiderman’s web blasts. 

It was during one such afternoon that all three of their cellphones went off at once, and in a tone that Barnes had never heard.

“Ohhhhh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” Peter said, scrambling over to where he’d dropped his backpack and started digging around in it. “Oh my god, my spidersense is going crazy what is even going on?”

Barnes had his stashed in a hidden pocket in his jacket, and Loki simply summoned his. The weird ring had been the city’s emergency broadcast alert. They both shared a look.

“Avengers Tower is under attack,” Barnes said.

“Robots, it seems,” Loki replied, scrolling down through the brief information bulletin that came with the alert. “Civilians are to evacuate the area. The Avengers should be on scene shortly.”

Except that both Barnes and Loki knew that most of the Avengers were scattered around the country. Stark was in California doing some kind of promotion for the new SI product line up. As far as Barnes could tell, Banner was with him. Widow and Hawkeye had both shipped out a week ago and hadn’t been seen since. That left Steve and Thor alone at the tower. Not that the other Avengers wouldn’t show up at some point, but it was probably going to take them a few hours.

Without even saying a word, Loki grabbed Barnes and Spiderman and teleported. Since this was exactly what Barnes expected Loki to do, he was ready. 

Spiderman, on the other hand, screamed like he was being eviscerated. 

“Really, kid?” Barnes looked sadly on as Spiderman flailed around on the new rooftop that they appeared at. 

 

“OHmygod oh my god. What was that? Did we just teleport? Holy shit I can’t decide if that was amazing or terrible.”

Loki rolled his eyes so hard it must have hurt. 

Sure enough, the roof that they’d appeared on had the perfect vantage point to oversee the small army of spider robots that were currently climbing all over Avengers Tower. 

Before Spiderman could swing away, Barnes grabbed him. “You. Go down there and get people off the street. Your number one job is protecting civilians. Keep them safe. If you get a free second, try to redirect the robots towards the tower.”

“Aye, aye, Sarge!” Spiderman gave him the shittiest salute he’d ever seen, and then launched himself off the roof. 

There was a beat of silence as Loki and Barnes looked on at the destruction. 

“Should we go out there, hiding our presence in this city will become slightly more troublesome,” Loki said blandly. 

“Yeah.” But Barnes already knew he was going. Steve was in there and, once again, was vastly outnumbered. For the first time in ages, Barnes had both the will and the means to help him. 

The only real question was if Loki was going to join him. 

“How much do you want to bet that they all try to blame me?” Loki asked with a grin.

“Pfft. I bet you at least half of the media blames us both, and the other half say we were fighting against each other.” They both snickered. 

“Before you go, you should wear your helmet.” Loki made a opening gesture with his hands, and there was that godawful fucking deer horn helmet, magically teleported into his hands. 

“Oh fuck right off, you dick.” There wasn’t a single chance in hell of Barnes wearing that. 

With another gesture, the whole image of the helmet flickered and then disappeared into a green mist. What lay in Loki’s hand was a simple circlet made of silver. 

Surprising. 

The band was about an inch thick, with twining knots engraved all across it; the very same type of knot work that was on the rest of Barnes’ armor. But with one extra addition. On either side of the circle was the engraved image of a stylized wing. Just like the one he used to wear on his old blue jacket. Just like the ones on the sides of Steve’s helmet. 

“To keep your hair out of your face,” Loki said blandly. “Even Thor braids his.”

All that time Loki had just been fucking with him over the deer horns. Barnes started to laugh. That _asshole_. 

He put on the circlet, careful to tuck his hair out of the way. Bizarrely, it actually fit perfectly to his head. Barnes felt like a goddamn Tolkien elf. But fuck it. Why not?

“So. Death from above?” Barnes asked.

“Agreed. It’s been ages since I killed anything.” Loki flexed his fingers, shedding green sparks from his hands for a moment.

“I know, right?”

They both grinned, and probably not very nicely either. Barnes couldn’t find it in himself to care.

\--


	12. Chapter 12

“Dude, this is the coolest thing we have ever done together,” Foggy whispered to Matt. 

They were currently sitting in Captain Rogers’ livingroom, going over some of the document translations. Steve’s shoulders had dropped and his breath hitched when he saw that it was Foggy with him rather than Barnes. Aside from that small reaction, Steve had been incredibly courteous. 

He’d just gotten up to get them all a drink refresh when Foggy began to have a tiny freak out.

“Captain America! This is amaaazing. I’m making jumping motions right now, like, in my chair, I’m so excited.” And he was, too.

“You do realize that Captain Rogers is enhanced, right? He probably has much better hearing, too, as well as strength. So he can probably hear us whispering.”

Foggy’s heartbeat stuttered for a moment and he breathed out a tiny, “Shit,” just as Steve poked his head out from around the corner. 

“I can, actually,” Steve said apologetically. “Sorry.” There was the slight sound of fabric moving as he shrugged. 

“Dude, Captain Rogers looks so embarrassed right now,” Foggy said. “And I am right there with him. Ouch.”

Steve walked over with a fresh tray of dishware; each of the china cups rattling quietly with every step. Sweet and bitter smells told Matt that he’d brought more tea and coffee, along with all the trimmings. 

“If you two are still hungry after this, I’ll get us some food ordered.” Steve froze for a moment. “I mean, if you want. You both don’t have to, it’s fine. I don’t want to---”

“Captain Rogers,” Foggy started. 

“Steve,” Steve insisted.

“Steve. Dude. We would be so goddamn excited to have dinner with you. I’ve got to ask you about the Dodgers.” There was the slight bouncing again. Matt wondered if Foggy still had his replica Captain America shield somewhere at home. 

Seemed likely. 

“Oh boy, Matty, Steve just smiled huge. Holy shit, it really is the most wholesome thing I’ve ever seen.” 

Steve snorted and Matt grinned. Foggy’s explanations of what was going on around them were often some of the best parts of any given conversation. 

“Well, reserve judgement on food for after we’ve gone through this batch. It’s…” Steve sighed. “Not great.”

“Nothing in this stack of papers is going to do anything but give me nightmares. I’ll probably be ready for a drink after this,” Matt said ruefully. “Which is saying something, for me.”

“Oh? What do you---” 

Matt held up a hand, cutting Steve off before he could finish that thought. There was something, a sound, that was filtering up through his awareness. “Excuse me, but would you please be quiet for a moment? I hear something…”

Surprisingly, Steve actually did stay quiet. Usually people had questions. 

There. A little ticking noise. Almost like a tinkling sound. He focused on it, sending his awareness down the sides of the building, using his near radar like hearing to get a mental image of what was coming.

And what was coming was going to be disastrous. 

It was too big, there were too many of them. A flood of slowly clicking metal feet, creeping up towards the tower. He took a second to listen to the activity in the tower and city around him. No one else had heard it yet.

If evacuation started now, the difference might be counted in lives, not seconds. To warn them, though, Matt would have to explain how he knew.

It wasn’t really a choice at all.

“There are robots in the sewers,” Matt said quietly. 

“What?” Foggy asked, though Steve remained quiet. 

“Lots and lots of robots. With lots of little legs. Almost like a wave of them, and they’re getting closer.”

Matt could practically _feel_ all the questions that Steve had. But, well, if anyone was trustworthy enough to know Matt’s alter ego identity, it was Captain America. 

“Jarvis?” Steve’s voice had taken on a different tenor. Before he’d been just Steve, but now he’d clearly put on his Captain America hat. This was a voice that could both inspire and command. 

“I am picking up disturbances in the subway lines near to the tower. I’ve altered building security as well as local law enforcement. Evacuation plans are now in effect. Ironman has been alerted. He’s on his way, but I’m afraid even at his top speed he won’t be here for at least an hour and forty minutes. Doctor Banner will be staying put in LA for the time being. I’ve send messages to Hawkeye and Black Widow, but we won’t know for a while yet if they’ve gotten them.” 

Matt had heard that voice the last time he was here, but couldn’t place it. It was possible it was an actual person somewhere talking on a mic, but Matt wouldn’t put it past Stark just to make his whole building alive. 

Jarvis sounded calm and assured, which was nice. Even if most of the Avengers weren’t joining them, it was a relief to know that the people in the city were already trying to get out. 

This was still going to be a clusterfuck. 

“Thank you, Jarvis. Tell Thor to meet us here. Gentlemen, please stay put. I’ve got a uniform to put on.” And then Steve was gone, already in his room changing into heavy kevlar and metal laced clothes. 

“Matt? Uh. What should I---”

“You are gonna stay here. I’m sure there's a panic room somewhere around here. I’m gonna help them. Call Karen, tell her to get someplace safe.” Matt compressed his walking cane down and twisted it around, creating the twin batons that he used while fighting. 

The sound of thousands of metal feet had finally reached the ground underneath them and had begun tapping and sawing into the the subfloors of the tower. Before they could get further, there was the deep hum of a massive power surge, and the sound of gears frying. Robots were falling this way and that, crashing into each other, but it wasn’t enough. The second wave was already climbing over their fried bodies. 

Steve stepped back in the room, his heavy boots echoing in Matt’s senses. “Mr. Murdock---”

“Daredevil,” Matt corrected, and spun his batons in his hand. 

“Days I wish you’d wear your stupid outfit under your suit,” Foggy muttered. He sighed. “Try not to get killed, okay?”

“I’ll do my best.” Matt grinned, and ran for the door, with Steve right behind him. 

He paid just enough attention behind him to hear Jarvis say, “Mr. Nelson, if you will follow my instructions, I will direct you to Sir’s panic room.”

“Oh thank fuck,” Foggy said. 

Good. Perfect. Excellent. Any number of other positive words were appropriate, because now Matt didn’t have to worry about Foggy getting hurt. He could just focus on the fight in front of them. 

Steve pulled him towards an express elevator, and they both piled in. Before the door was even closed, they were already moving downward, dropping faster than Matt could get a bead on. Right into a fight. 

“You’re up for this?” Steve asked quietly. 

“I’m up for this,” Matt answered. “And even if I’m not, don’t waste time on thinking about me. Save anyone you can, stop whoever is controlling them.”

Before Steve could answer, the doors dinged open to a hallway quickly being swarmed by mechanical spiders. 

\--

Barnes dropped down and slammed one of his boot knives into the ‘head’ region of a spiderbot. Sparks flew everywhere as he twisted the blade, destroying whatever mechanism that coordinated all of the robot’s limbs. 

Since they were hanging off the side of Avengers Tower, about forty stories up, this made it time to find a new spiderbot to ride on. Barnes jumped to the next one over and repeated the process, ricocheting laser fire off of his metal arm as he went. 

Jump. Stab. Twist. Jump. Stab. Twist.

Loki was doing something similar nearby, only instead of a knife he was lobbing huge chunks of ice. 

“Hey, Loki,” Barnes said. “Does Asgard have anything in the way of projectile weapons? Because, I mean,” Jump. Stab. Twist. Jump. “Knives are fun, but a space gun would be really cool.”

Loki laughed, and dropped a wave of hail from out of nowhere, clearing off most of the side of the tower. “I’ll look around next time I’m there. How do you feel about bow and arrows?” He must have seen the look on Barnes face, because he just started cackling. 

Thunder cracked in the distance and clouds billowed up out of nowhere. The little hairs on Barnes’ neck prickled as electricity gathered in the air. He shuddered and ducked inside a broken window, with Loki right behind him.

Not a second too soon, because a massive bolt of lightning crack through the sky, jumping from robot to robot, frying their circuits instantly. A barrage of curled up, blackened metal husks rain down on the hordes of robots below. 

“BROTHER! What mischief have you wrought here?” Thor bellowed, floating down from the clouds to hover in front of their vantage point.

“Called it,” Loki said with a smirk.

“Pfft, we don’t know yet. He hasn’t said whether or not he thinks you and I are fighting or friends.” 

“You said, ‘media’ when you placed your wager. My brother does not count as media.”

“Loki.” Thor looked back and forth between them, clearly confused about what exactly was going on. “How are you alive? _Again._ ”

“Could we, perhaps, save this conversation until after the robots are all crushed?” Loki peeked down the side of the tower, taking note of the next wave crawling up the sides to meet them. 

“We can talk and fight.” Thor raised his hammer, gathering up a ball of power, only to thrust it down towards the oncoming enemies. 

Barnes looked at Loki and raised an eyebrow. Loki just rolled his eyes. 

“Right. I’m gonna head in side. Make sure Steve hasn’t decided to face dive off the side of the building yet,” Barnes said.

“What, like we were just doing?” Loki smirked.

“Details, details,” Barnes muttered back. “You have fun talking with your bro.” Thor was just looking at them with eyebrows raised and face twisted into one of the better _what the fuck_ looks that Barnes had ever seen. “By the way,” he called out to Thor. “Where are you goose feathers? Don’t you get a dorky helmet, too? Or were you trying too hard to fit in with the cool kids.”

“Hey!” Thor said indignantly, while Loki cackled. 

Barnes waved at Loki and dashed deeper into the building.

It looked like this was some type of R&D floor. Or maybe just an unusual office setting. Either way, it was completely empty of people. A fact that Barnes was grateful for.

“Sergeant Barnes,” a British sounding voice projected from somewhere in the ceiling. “I can’t help but notice how you’ve been aiding in the destruction of the attacking robots.”

Barnes didn’t bother stopping what he was doing just to answer back. He had to find Steve, and he had the sinking feeling that wherever the large pile of robots was, Steve would be right in the middle of it.

“Yup,” he said, finding the stairwell and ducking in. A quick look over the railing showed a few spiderbots making their way up the stairs. He grabbed the Barrett from where it was slung over his shoulder and started taking pot shots. “You wouldn’t happen to know where Steve is, would you?”

“I assume you mean Captain Rogers. It is against my normal protocol to give out such location information, but I think there are some mitigating circumstances. Captain Rogers is currently in the lobby area fighting off several groups of robots. He has some assistance.” Barnes started to make his way down the stairs. “However, if you’re willing, there is another area in need of support.”

That brought Barnes up short. “I’m listening.”

“It seems that most of the attack has been set up as a distraction, and a rather effective one, at that. There is a main group of humans, as well as larger robots, that are making their way towards Mr. Starks labs. Captain Rogers had been moving to intercept, but the evacuation lines came under fire and he redirected.”

That was a bit of a pickle. “You said Steve’s got help? Are they hanging in there?” Barnes was really torn. His priority was Steve, but he knew he’d be kicking himself if he had a chance to stop all of this and didn’t take it.

“They appear to be holding their own.”

 _Fuck._ Barnes shook his head and fired off a few more rounds, killing another three robots. This was probably going to bite him in the ass.

“Yeah, tell me where to go,” he said with a sigh. “And what do I call you?”

“My name is Jarvis, Sergeant Barnes. And this way please.” A light lit up near a door.

Barnes went.

\--

As soon as Barnes had run off, Loki and Thor both moved at the same time. Thor, to give chase, and Loki to cut him off. They faced off for a moment, and Loki had to grin. So predictable. 

“How is it that you are here, Loki?” Thor asked. “How do you always manage to escape death?”

Loki shrugged. “It’s complicated. By the way, do you think your Captain Rogers has any interest in courtship at the moment?”

From the way Thor grabbed him and slammed him against a wall, that was probably a ‘no’. _Ahhh, just like old times. Thor throwing me into things._ He smirked.

“The hell are you talking about Loki?” Tiny fingers of electricity jumped through Thor’s hair, his whole face a study of confused outrage. 

“Your friend, the Captain. Is he seeing anyone? Do you think he might be open to a relationship with another male? Midgardians are so touchy about these things…”

Another punishing slam into the wall. Loki sighed. This was already starting to become boring.

“Whatever scheme you have in mind, Loki, give it up now!” Thor looked about ready to tear his braids out. “This realm is not for you to meddle with.” 

And wasn’t that a fine bit of hypocrisy. Loki rolled his eyes.

“As much as I would _love_ to talk it over with you, I have other things to attend to.” Loki grinned and let his skin turn icy blue for half a heart beat, allowing his frost giant heritage to show through just long enough to burn where Thor was touching him. The second he was free, Loki teleported away.

He appeared in a room on the other side of the building. Far enough away that Thor would lose track of him, but close enough to still hear Thor’s scream of frustration. 

Then Mjolnir slammed into his back, tossed through the building walls at him, knocking him clear through a window. 

_Alright, perhaps not far enough away,_ Loki thought as he fell. _Time to get a bit more creative._

Before he could teleport away, he was caught in midair by Spiderman, and they were swinging across the street, and landed on a nearby roof. 

“Hey! You okay?” The child sounded out of breath, and there were some light burns on his costume, but otherwise he seemed intact. 

Good.

“I’m well enough.” Loki brushed some errant dirt off of his gauntlets, and made a face. “I need your help, though.” He could see the raised eyebrow through Spiderman’s mask. “Don’t worry, this will be hilarious.”

“You know, that’s not as reassuring as you think it is.”

It only took a moment to explain what Loki wanted, but by the end, Spiderman was snickering. 

\--

Fighting with Murdock was actually pretty darn fun, as far as Steve was concerned. 

After the first wave, the two of them had worked out a system. They fought back to back. Steve used his shield to block incoming laser fire. If there wasn’t anything right in their faces, he tossed the shield around the room, bouncing it off several targets for every single throw. Murdock fought at his back, keeping his flank free and clear, and throwing his batons at whatever he could get a clear shot at. 

When the rooms were thinned out, they spread out, each one of them hunting down stray robots one by one.

“They aren’t very smart, are they?” Murdock asked as he smashed the front camera of the bot directly in front of him, then kicked the body away, leaving them both room to move.

“Tenacious, though.” Steve tossed his shield, punched one in the head, and then jumped to catch his shield as it returned. 

“Do you think they designed them based off of roaches?” One of the batons whizzed by Steve’s head, bouncing off two more robots before getting close enough for Murdock to catch it again.

“God, I hope not. I’ve got enough nightmare fuel already.” Images of his old tenement apartment with Bucky raced through his head. 

Murdock laughed behind him.

“Captain, Mr. Murdock, it appears that backup has arrived for you,” Jarvis said above them. 

Steve kept punching and throwing as he tried to work that thought through. It was too early for Stark to show up. Were Nat and Clint closer than he’d thought? Last he heard, they were both in Russia. 

“Well that’s a relief,” Murdock said. He paused for a moment to wipe the sweat and dirt off of his face.

“Who do we have?” Steve looked around, trying to catch a hint of who might have shown up, though it was likely they were somewhere else that needed them. The attack was too widespread.

There was an ominous pause. “It appears that the Winter Soldier and Loki have arrived, and are currently destroying the robots that are climbing the tower. Spiderman has also been helping with the evacuations outside.”

“Bucky.” All the air in Steve’s chest slithered right out of him. “Wait, and _Loki_?”

“Indeed. As far as I can tell, they are both fighting on our side.”

Steve thought of the youtube video, and started to laugh. And then he just couldn’t stop laughing. 

Only Bucky could talk sense into the God of Mischief. 

His relief was short lived, though. What if Bucky was mind controlled again? What if this was part of some larger scheme?

“Oh, good,” Murdock said next to him. “Maybe when we run into them, I’ll update them on the case.”

Another short laugh exploded out of him. Whatever else was going on, Bucky was here and fighting with him. That alone made hope flicker strong in his chest. 

\--

Loki teleported around the outside of the tower. Each time appeared, he let loose another salvo of offensive spells, knocking down robots left and right. He was always two steps ahead of wherever Thor was. 

It helped that every time Spiderman’s webs came in contact with a robot, an illusion of Loki appeared to ‘fight.’ Training with the spider-child and working out how to combined spells with webbing had been a fabulous idea. He’d have to get Barnes some kind of a thank you gift for setting it all up.

If Loki paused to linger at each stop, he could actually hear Thor’s cries of frustration.

It was _hilarious_. 

Regardless of any random illusion chasing and casting that might be going on, between the three of them, the robots on the streets were actually beginning to dwindle. Still no sign of whoever had started the whole affair. 

Maybe it was time to take a peek inside the tower. 

He cast another illusion of himself, this one specifically designed to ‘teleport’ around in flashy puffs of green smoke. Perfect for catching Thor’s attention, especially now that he was on to Loki’s illusion scheme. 

Spells cast, he went in search of Barnes as well as whoever started this mess. 

\--

Barnes almost fell over laughing when he saw the guys trying to break into Stark’s toy chest. The robots where huge, sure, and scary enough. By regular human standards, anyways. Barnes was a little less than impressed. 

But the human part of this little break in party were all dressed in eye blindingly bright yellow hazmat suits. Complete with full helmets. 

He crept up the side of the wall and settled himself into a better vantage point, quiet as the ghost he used to be. He took out the tank piercing rounds for his Barrett and loaded them up.

Five or six rapid shots later and all of the robots were down. The humans were running around like idiots. He dropped down from his perch up in the rafters and proceeded to completely destroy them. Whatever these guys were good at, combat was not at the top of that list.

“Not my experiment!” one yelled, hands clasped to his head as he stared at one of the fallen robots.

That guy, Barnes shot in the leg. If anyone knew how to turn off all the robots, it was probably him. The rest got either knocked out or killed. Whichever action was easiest. 

Easy peasy. 

Once they were all cleaned up, he wandered over to the guy who he carefully pegged as being in charge. 

“You. Turn them all off.” Barnes knew he was menacing. It wasn’t something he’d really needed in the last few months, but he knew how to do it. How to seem like the most terrifying person in the universe to whoever he was looking at. 

Unless he was looking at Loki, who was just as crazy as Barnes and had seen worse things. It was kind of refreshing.

“You can never stop us! We are-AACK!” Barnes stepped on the man’s leg, right where he’d been shot, and leaned. “Stop! Stop! Just press the buttons, just press them!” The yellow suited scientist flailed and thrust a large complicated looking remote at Barnes. 

“You do it. And do it right. I’d hate to have to make this slower than it needs to be.”

A solid minute of frantic button pressing later, and the guy dropped the remote to clutch his leg. “It’s done! It’s done! Now stop, please!”

“Jarvis?”

“The robots have all been deactivated, Sergeant. My thanks.”

“Call me Barnes. And no problem.”

It didn’t take long at all to truss up the remaining living intruders, and then he was off in search of Steve. 

He knew that Steve was alright. Jarvis had said so. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had to see for himself. After all, Steve absolutely was the kind of idiot to try and walk off a mortal wound. 

_‘Alright’, my ass,_ Barnes thought. 

He found Steve in the lobby, sitting slumped over on piece of debris as a guy in a suit wrapped up his leg.

Barnes squinted. 

“Murdock?”

“Barnes! Good to see you.” Murdock smiled at him. The guy looked like he’d been in the thick of the fight with Steve the whole time. Bruised knuckles, busted lip, torn up clothes.

Which had to mean that Murdock _had_ been in the fight with Steve the whole time. Jarvis said he’d had help. 

_Fuck. Of all the lawyers Loki picks, and we get one who’s moonlighting as another hero. Fucking figures. How even is this my life?_

“Bucky,” Steve breathed. 

Barnes winced. Time to face the music. He took a breath and straightened up his spine. “Steve.”

Then his arms were filled with a sweaty, heavy Steve, who was currently trying to hug the life out of him. “Bucky. I missed you.”

Those words. Painful and sweet and the best thing he’d heard in forever. He closed his eyes, and crushed Steve close, tucking his head into Steve’s neck. “Missed you too, punk.”

How long the stood there, Barnes wasn’t sure. It was all Barnes ever wanted. 

“You should definitely kiss now,” Loki said behind him. 

_Loki, you asshole._ Barnes stiffened in panic and tried to back away, but Steve held him close. 

“Ignore him,” Steve said into his ear. They hugged for a moment longer, and then Barnes pulled away again. This time, Steve let him go. His brows were scrunched up in worry, but there was a tiny hopeful smile on his face. 

Fuck Loki. Now all Barnes could think about was kissing those plush lips.

The silence that followed was incredibly awkward. 

“Thanks for the help, Buck.” Steve smiled wider, but it was pained. Just how badly was he hurt? Barnes looked him up and down, checking for additional injuries. 

Beyond that, Barnes had no idea what to do. He looked off to the side. 

Loki was right there, staring at him with eyes wide, gesturing at Steve. “Barnes. Now is the time. Take your captain by the hand, drag him to your bedroom, and chain him to the bed.”

Ahh, yes, there was that death wish again, how Barnes had missed it. He rubbed his face with both hands and tried not to look at what Steve’s face may or may not be doing.

“I’ll even help if you want. Consider it a thank you for the excellent combat ideas.”

Murdock snickered behind them, and Steve sputtered. 

Barnes couldn’t look. “Loki, no. Oh my god.” It wasn’t just embarrassment that was threatening to overwhelm him. It was the fact that now they were talking about it, right there, with Steve. All the years of hiding his heart, of making sure that he was the greatest best friend, because that’s all he would ever be. And Loki just fucking came out and started talking about it, like the asshole he was. 

Everything felt dangerously fragile. A single word from Steve, and Barnes knew he might not recover. Barnes would always do his best to watch out for him. No matter what. Even if Steve hated him and rejected him. 

It would sure hurt though. As bad as anything he’d ever gone through at the hands of Hydra. 

Buried under all of that was the tiniest flicker of hope. Enough people had talked to him, encouraged him and been kind to him, that Barnes had almost started to believe that maybe it wasn’t impossible. 

“No. No, I really would not be okay with that,” Steve said, alarm in his voice, and shattered Barnes’ heart under his bootheel. 

Hope died and Barnes physically reeled back, head ducked in shame. This was it. He knew he was right all along. There was no way Steve would ever want him, and now he had gone and ruined what little friendship they’d had left. 

“I’ll just---” Barnes couldn’t choke out the rest of whatever he was saying. It didn’t matter. Time to retreat. 

“Bucky-- Bucky, wait!” 

Barnes shook his head and kept moving backwards. 

Before he could get more than a single stumbling step, Steve grabbed him and held him close. “Bucky, no.” One hand lifted up Barnes’ chin so they were staring into each other’s eyes, with not more than an inch or two between them. “I didn’t mean you. I meant I would not be okay with doing anything with Loki in your bedroom.” There was an offended _harumph_ from off to the side. “You, though…” Steve’s cheeks turned pink, and he glanced downward. “I maybe would be okay with that. We could talk about it? If you wanted to?”

All the black despair that had just filled Barnes up to the brim fled, completely and utterly, and pure joy took its place. His face stretched into a smile so wide that it hurt.

“Yeah?” Barnes said quietly.

“Yeah, you jerk.” Steve held on to the back of Barnes’ neck, and bumped their foreheads together. The grin on his face must have been a mirror to Barnes’ own. 

Heart in his throat, Barnes took one more chance. He leaned in and kissed Steve gently. Just a brush of their lips together really, but it was absolutely electric. It was like he could feel that soft kiss in every part of his body, tingling and perfect. Especially when Steve carefully cupped his jaw and leaned in.

“Yaaaaaasssssssssss,” Spiderman hissed behind him. “Get it, Sergeant Barnes!”

Barnes dropped his head onto Steve’s shoulder and chringed. “I have the worst friends,” he mumbled, and risked a glance to the side. Spiderman was hanging upside down from a web attached to the ceiling, giving Barnes a thumbs up. Right next to him, Loki was leering at them, looking for all the world like some unholy cross between a bloodthirsty shark and a high stakes gambler that just won a bet; satisfied as hell and at least slightly sinister. 

“Feel free to have your captain over for play time.” Loki turned on his shark-grin. “And don’t worry, I’ve fully stocked your armory with everything you might need.”

A brief flash of horror raced through him as he contemplated what he might find when he got home. 

Steve’s shoulders started to shake. He was laughing at them! “Shut up, punk.” Barnes scowled at him. Or tried to anyways. He couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face, either.

“Make me, jerk,” Steve replied with a wink. 

“Foggy is gonna be so pissed he missed this.” Murdock shook his head and smiled.

“Fully. Stocked.” Loki said salaciously, wiggling his eyebrows. Barnes rolled his eyes and heaved a massive sigh. Steve just laughed harder.

“Loki?” Thor stepped in through some of the broken windows. “Is that you, or another trick?” 

Whatever ploys Loki had been using to keep Thor distracted during the fight must have seriously pissed him off. Tiny electrical charges drifted off of Thor’s hands as he stalked over, and the sky rumbled distantly.

“And I think that’s my cue to leave---” Loki said, but before he could teleport out Barnes looked at him and shook his head.

“Stay,” Barnes said quietly. “At least for a minute. See what he has to say.”

Loki looked mutinous, but didn’t leave. He also didn’t quite lower his hands, ready to fight if needs be. 

Given how tense things were, Barnes thought that was probably a good idea. He took a step away from Steve. He kept himself neutral, but poised for action. However Loki decided to handle this Barnes would back him up. But for fuck’s sake, those two needed to have a conversation.

“Brother, I---” Thor stopped a good distance away from Loki. He pressed his lips together and searched for words. 

“What?” Loki’s voice had dropped to a dangerous purr and his smile was all teeth. “Come to throw me back in a cell?” 

Thor looked hard at Loki, and then looked around the lobby, seeing the dead robots everywhere. The broken walls and windows and the heroes gathered around. His gaze paused on Spiderman, who was still hanging right next to where Loki stood, clearly not concerned about who he was associating with. He looked over to where Murdock had edged closer to Barnes, and where Steve had taken a step closer, edging himself a little closer to being in between Thor and the rest of them. The rage in his face faded into puzzlement, and then he looked at Loki. 

After another long moment, Thor huffed a bit. His lips curled into a smile and he shook his head. “No, Loki. I think I just wanted to thank you. For saving Jane. For saving me.” He ducked his head. “Whatever was between us...I am sorry that you died. Twice.” He gave Loki a sardonic look and raised his eyebrow. 

A little bit of the tension that had coiled through Loki faded, though there was still a slight frown on his face. Still, puzzled contemplation was better than murderous rage by far. Barnes would take it.

“Will you two stay?” Steve asked. 

Barnes and Loki looked at each other. After weeks and weeks of living in each other’s pockets, he could read under Loki’s impassive gaze and see just how disturbed he was. Maybe there would be time for Loki and Thor to work things out, but today was not that day. This needed a bit more time.

“Not right now, I think,” Barnes said slowly, speaking for both of them. Loki simply nodded in agreement. Both Thor and Steve looked a little crushed. “Don’t worry, though, we’ll be around.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked hopefully. “Say, maybe this Friday? For afternoon coffee?”

Another grin broke out across Barnes face. “Friday it is.”

Loki meandered over to stand next to Barnes and put a hand on his shoulder. “I hope by ‘coffee’ you mean ‘blowjobs’.” 

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Barnes pinched the bridge of his nose.

Steve turned brilliant red, while Thor and Murdock grinned. Spiderman joined Barnes in facepalming. 

The two of them teleported away to the sound of Loki cackling.

\--

Once they were back at the lair, it didn’t take either of them long to ditch all the armor. Barnes jumped into the shower for a quick scrub, and from the sound of things, Loki did the same. A quick inspection in the mirror showed that he was heavily bruised and a few shallow cuts decorated his right arm and ribs, but he didn’t have any injuries that were truly concerning.

After getting dressed in some more comfortable clothes, Barnes settled into the couch with snacks and drinks for both of them. When Loki came out dressed in his own version of lounging clothes, Barnes looked him over for injuries. Nothing seemed to stick out though, so he sat back and relaxed.

He passed over a bowl of popcorn, and grabbed the remote. Before he turned anything on, he looked at Loki thoughtfully. 

“So. Steve and I met up. At the tower even. Kinda looks like you accomplished what you set out to do here. Now what?”

Loki looked at him. Then he let his gaze wander around the room. Barnes let himself look, too. Everything was covered with the evidence of their living together, from the bars on the doors to the movies along the wall to the plants at the window. It was actually surprising just how much the place had changed in a few months. He’d be sad to leave, but he’d pack up and head out if that was what Loki wanted.

“This is true. And you have kept your end of the deal. Thor and I have spoken to each other. Stilted, though it was.” Loki stared at his popcorn bowl and gently swished the kernels around. “I suppose you are free to go if you want. Everything has been set up so that you can live a free and happy life with your captain.”

“Yeah. There’s that.” Barnes tapped a finger on the sofa arm. 

“If you wanted to… if you cared to, that is, you could continue on here.” Loki’s face was totally neutral, but his body held a tension in it that was unmistakable. 

Barnes nodded, that sliver of hope inside of him growing again. “Yeah. Yeah! I mean, all my stuff is here.”

Loki glanced at him, surprised. His shoulders raised up a bit and his eyes grew a bit livelier. “Indeed. And we’ve already made so many modifications.”

“Right? I go somewhere else and I’d just have to start all over.”

“Exactly.” Now Loki was smirking, his eyes crinkled with mirth. “And you still have the lawyers to deal with.”

“That’s true!” A smile pulled at Barnes lips.

Silence stretched on for a moment. This time, though, it was significantly more relaxed. 

“So. Perhaps our stories twist together for a while longer.” For the life of him, Loki sounded both surprised and pleased by this. Barnes had to agree. Weird as the last few months had been, they’d also been shockingly good, too.

“Ha. Yeah. So it seems.” He turned on the TV. “What are we watching tonight?”

Loki grinned evilly. 

_Oh no._

\--

~the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


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